It's Monday all over again.
I'm sleepy. I haven't been sleeping well. My skin is breaking out so bad that I almost didn't want to come to work today. I have a pimple so huge that you might even mistake it as a second nose. My neck aches from my long road trip to Kota Marudu yesterday in a very uncomfortable van. I got home and wanted to nap but I couldn't. It was a quiet evening so I decided to visit Haw's parents. Probably the highlight of my weekend was going to his house, seeing his parents, both of whom remind me so much of him - and it makes me miss him a bit less. Just a bit.
I felt a slight pang when i realised my handphone has been oh so quiet. I hardly get smses or calls from my so-called friends anymore (read previous post). I figured that's probably because I'm not exactly a bundle of joy to be with anymore. You know, I knew that when i broke up with 'him', the whole dynamics of the group would be affected. After all, they were 'his' friends to start off with. How naive of me to wonder where their loyalties lie. Ah, what rose-coloured glasses i wear at times...
Anyway, when I got back from Haw's place, I did more work and later that night, had my usual online date with the Cubby. I got tired early so had to cut it short and hit the sack. I woke up at exactly 4:18am - i checked my handphone - and couldn't get back to sleep.
It's gonna be a long day, I can feel it already.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
The Boys.
Help me understand something.
Three years ago, I met a bunch of guys. Nice guys. Different personalities but essentially the same. They had grown up together, ran in pretty much the same circles and –as disturbing as this might sound- even swapped girlfriends in high school. It was a ‘brotherly’ thing to do, it seemed. Right. Anyway, these guys became my friends. And I admit they were a pretty fun bunch to be with. Always good for a laugh, did the whole ‘shoulder to cry on’ thing…Usual Hallmark moments. And slowly, they started to get into relationships. One after another. John would hook up and few months later, Jack would introduce his girlfriend, Jim would follow suit. You get the pic. Soon, we were one big happy family. Everyone started talking about having steady careers, stable relationships and how their ‘chick searching days’ were supposedly over. And then John dumped his girlfriend. And then so did Jack a couple of months later and even Jim started to have relationship problems. These guys literally went through EVERYthing together.
Today, these guys are all on the single market again. Which means they’re out on the prowl for fresh meat, bored with their whiny exes and figuring out who still has his mojo goin’ on. I’ve been out with them on several occasions and listened to their talks of how great it was to be single again. My oh my, how they celebrated. Together, of course. Saturday nights were reserved for Shenanigan’s (KK's meat market, haha), their usual hunting ground. They’d come in, all smiles, flashing bottles and nudging each other as each skirt passes by. Eyes glued to the entrance as each piece of ‘meat’ (as one of them tells me without batting an eyelid) comes through. Too short. Too tall. Boobs to small. Too Chinese (coming from a bunch of Chinese guys, this has got to be the most amusing kind of racism around). And the best part is, after all that criticism, the night progresses into hitting on any female with a pulse. “I just need to get laid. It doesn’t matter at this point. It doesn’t mean anything anyway,” one of them told me.
Now, being my friends, I figured boys will be boys. But as time passed by and word got around (KK can be too small), I began to see their predatory game in a different light. They became the kind of men that you stayed away from in clubs and pubs. The ones who leered and rubbed up against you on the dance floor. The ones they themselves used to protect us from. The irony of it all. One day, one of them told me that women were just pieces of meat to him at this point. He had gotten out of a relationship and was anything but ready to get into a new one. “I don’t need a female companion in that sense. It’s just too much for me. I just need to have sex but once emotions get in the away, I’m gonna dump her,” he said.
Mother Teresa once said that if you judge people, you don’t have time to love them. But I’ll bet that even Mother Teresa, bless her soul, would agree that this friend of mine needed to be bitch-slapped. As non-judgmental as I wanted to be, something just wasn’t right with his statement. I knew exactly what it was. His utter disrespect for women. Yes, I’ll agree he’ll probably find a slut to suit his needs but I hate to imagine how many more hearts he’s gonna trample on the way to his bedroom.
But I'm in a dilemma. These are my friends and in some perverse way I miss them. Still, I cannot spend any more Saturday nights watching them on the prowl and Sunday mornings listening to them brag about who has the highest score. What happened to the guys who went clubbing for the simple idea of having a few drinks and a good laugh? Or the ones who enjoyed a good movie or a weekend road trip? I miss the friends whom I could talk to and share stories with. Can you still like your friends but lose respect for them? When I hear or see how they treat women,I can't help but feel perhaps they view me with the same lack of respect - simply because I am a woman. And it seems to me, a female bonk is far more important to them right now than a female friend.
I hope it's a phase. Until then, thank God for girlfriends.
Three years ago, I met a bunch of guys. Nice guys. Different personalities but essentially the same. They had grown up together, ran in pretty much the same circles and –as disturbing as this might sound- even swapped girlfriends in high school. It was a ‘brotherly’ thing to do, it seemed. Right. Anyway, these guys became my friends. And I admit they were a pretty fun bunch to be with. Always good for a laugh, did the whole ‘shoulder to cry on’ thing…Usual Hallmark moments. And slowly, they started to get into relationships. One after another. John would hook up and few months later, Jack would introduce his girlfriend, Jim would follow suit. You get the pic. Soon, we were one big happy family. Everyone started talking about having steady careers, stable relationships and how their ‘chick searching days’ were supposedly over. And then John dumped his girlfriend. And then so did Jack a couple of months later and even Jim started to have relationship problems. These guys literally went through EVERYthing together.
Today, these guys are all on the single market again. Which means they’re out on the prowl for fresh meat, bored with their whiny exes and figuring out who still has his mojo goin’ on. I’ve been out with them on several occasions and listened to their talks of how great it was to be single again. My oh my, how they celebrated. Together, of course. Saturday nights were reserved for Shenanigan’s (KK's meat market, haha), their usual hunting ground. They’d come in, all smiles, flashing bottles and nudging each other as each skirt passes by. Eyes glued to the entrance as each piece of ‘meat’ (as one of them tells me without batting an eyelid) comes through. Too short. Too tall. Boobs to small. Too Chinese (coming from a bunch of Chinese guys, this has got to be the most amusing kind of racism around). And the best part is, after all that criticism, the night progresses into hitting on any female with a pulse. “I just need to get laid. It doesn’t matter at this point. It doesn’t mean anything anyway,” one of them told me.
Now, being my friends, I figured boys will be boys. But as time passed by and word got around (KK can be too small), I began to see their predatory game in a different light. They became the kind of men that you stayed away from in clubs and pubs. The ones who leered and rubbed up against you on the dance floor. The ones they themselves used to protect us from. The irony of it all. One day, one of them told me that women were just pieces of meat to him at this point. He had gotten out of a relationship and was anything but ready to get into a new one. “I don’t need a female companion in that sense. It’s just too much for me. I just need to have sex but once emotions get in the away, I’m gonna dump her,” he said.
Mother Teresa once said that if you judge people, you don’t have time to love them. But I’ll bet that even Mother Teresa, bless her soul, would agree that this friend of mine needed to be bitch-slapped. As non-judgmental as I wanted to be, something just wasn’t right with his statement. I knew exactly what it was. His utter disrespect for women. Yes, I’ll agree he’ll probably find a slut to suit his needs but I hate to imagine how many more hearts he’s gonna trample on the way to his bedroom.
But I'm in a dilemma. These are my friends and in some perverse way I miss them. Still, I cannot spend any more Saturday nights watching them on the prowl and Sunday mornings listening to them brag about who has the highest score. What happened to the guys who went clubbing for the simple idea of having a few drinks and a good laugh? Or the ones who enjoyed a good movie or a weekend road trip? I miss the friends whom I could talk to and share stories with. Can you still like your friends but lose respect for them? When I hear or see how they treat women,I can't help but feel perhaps they view me with the same lack of respect - simply because I am a woman. And it seems to me, a female bonk is far more important to them right now than a female friend.
I hope it's a phase. Until then, thank God for girlfriends.
Friday, November 17, 2006
55 Questions. 55 Answers.
Ok kawan-kawan, plucked this off Mia's blog. You've been tagged.
1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
- one on my right leg. When I was five I fell of my bike and landed on a broken Coke bottle.
2.WHERE ARE YOU?
- My favourite domain – Office!
3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
- chipped. Silver. I hate it.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
- anything goes. On my player now, Aerosmith
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
- My cat, Moo Moo sleeping on my couch.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
- To be with Haw.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
- Haw.
8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
- bout 9pm
10. WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
- Him declaring three times “I don’t love you anymore.” Yes, I can be THAT dense.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
- sometimes.
12. YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD
- Dad’s cooking. Salmon sashimi. Pasta. My sister’s Chicken Lihing soup.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PERFUME?
- One of my earlier perfumes, Burberry’s. The scent always brings me back to the good times in college.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- Doesn’t matter.
15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
- when in pain, yes.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
- Energy drinks. I don’t do coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
- cheese! LOTS of it I actually like pineapple too.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- Salmon sushi/sashimi
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
- Good question. Probably…My mum?
20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
- Malay.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
- Dontchno.
22. DO U LIKE SOMEONE?
- I like Haw. Very much. I like Johnny Depp too. And David Duchovny. But i like Haw the most.
23. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
- Made in China. What do you mean that’s not a real brand?
24. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
- Mercedes convertible. Can’t remember the model for the life of me but it looks damn sexy.
25. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
- Sacred but these days, most people have no respect or appreciation for commitment.
26. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
- I did. And I have no regrets.
27. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- Scale the mountains of Samunahara, battle the fire-breathing dragons of Ooga Booga and pluck the Golden Feather of the Kawanipuyana Bird. Or just tell the person.
28. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
- 74
29. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
- Brunettes. But I like golden retrievers.
30. WHO IS THE ONE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
- These days? My sister.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
- Being told how to do my job by people who have no clue. Idiot drivers. Bad breath. Waiting. I could go on and on, people…
34. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
- Haw. Kittens & puppies. And Benito’s chocolate cupcake.
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
- a photo collage.
36. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- yep.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
- cutting and pasting it from Mia’s blog.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT COULD IT BE?
- My nose.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
- My nose. Haha. Ok seriously…hmm…I look nice in pink?
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES BECAME ILLEGAL?
- Deal with a lot of grumpy people.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- Haw (Do you see a pattern here?)
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
- Three! Ideally, a boy and a set of twins. Oh yes, I have it alllll planned out.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
-Melissa Gilbert, the actress from Little House on the Prairie back in the 70s.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
- I wish on whatever I can these days.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
- I don’t practice fingerism. I love my fingers, each and everyone, equally!
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
- Last night.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- no.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL?
- Depends la. I try to avoid rice cuz it makes me sleepy. Operative word here being ‘TRY’.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
- scrunching up my nose and mouth for no reason. It’s really ugly. My mum hates it.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
- I can’t recall, honest. Esp. in the age of MP3s.
54. YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF?
- Perhaps.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
- Of course. Who hasn’t?
1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
- one on my right leg. When I was five I fell of my bike and landed on a broken Coke bottle.
2.WHERE ARE YOU?
- My favourite domain – Office!
3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
- chipped. Silver. I hate it.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
- anything goes. On my player now, Aerosmith
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
- My cat, Moo Moo sleeping on my couch.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
- To be with Haw.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
- Haw.
8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
- bout 9pm
10. WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
- Him declaring three times “I don’t love you anymore.” Yes, I can be THAT dense.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
- sometimes.
12. YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD
- Dad’s cooking. Salmon sashimi. Pasta. My sister’s Chicken Lihing soup.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PERFUME?
- One of my earlier perfumes, Burberry’s. The scent always brings me back to the good times in college.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- Doesn’t matter.
15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
- when in pain, yes.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
- Energy drinks. I don’t do coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
- cheese! LOTS of it I actually like pineapple too.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- Salmon sushi/sashimi
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
- Good question. Probably…My mum?
20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
- Malay.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
- Dontchno.
22. DO U LIKE SOMEONE?
- I like Haw. Very much. I like Johnny Depp too. And David Duchovny. But i like Haw the most.
23. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
- Made in China. What do you mean that’s not a real brand?
24. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
- Mercedes convertible. Can’t remember the model for the life of me but it looks damn sexy.
25. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
- Sacred but these days, most people have no respect or appreciation for commitment.
26. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
- I did. And I have no regrets.
27. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- Scale the mountains of Samunahara, battle the fire-breathing dragons of Ooga Booga and pluck the Golden Feather of the Kawanipuyana Bird. Or just tell the person.
28. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
- 74
29. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
- Brunettes. But I like golden retrievers.
30. WHO IS THE ONE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
- These days? My sister.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
- Being told how to do my job by people who have no clue. Idiot drivers. Bad breath. Waiting. I could go on and on, people…
34. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
- Haw. Kittens & puppies. And Benito’s chocolate cupcake.
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
- a photo collage.
36. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- yep.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
- cutting and pasting it from Mia’s blog.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT COULD IT BE?
- My nose.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
- My nose. Haha. Ok seriously…hmm…I look nice in pink?
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES BECAME ILLEGAL?
- Deal with a lot of grumpy people.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- Haw (Do you see a pattern here?)
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
- Three! Ideally, a boy and a set of twins. Oh yes, I have it alllll planned out.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
-Melissa Gilbert, the actress from Little House on the Prairie back in the 70s.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
- I wish on whatever I can these days.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
- I don’t practice fingerism. I love my fingers, each and everyone, equally!
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
- Last night.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- no.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL?
- Depends la. I try to avoid rice cuz it makes me sleepy. Operative word here being ‘TRY’.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
- scrunching up my nose and mouth for no reason. It’s really ugly. My mum hates it.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
- I can’t recall, honest. Esp. in the age of MP3s.
54. YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF?
- Perhaps.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
- Of course. Who hasn’t?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Beer Island
Back from Beer Island! Also known as Labuan. For those not in the know, Labuan is a Federal Territory just off the coast of KK and more importantly...DUTY FREE! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was indeed my maiden trip to Labuan. Finally popped my Labuan cherry, heh heh. Went crazy buying chocolates and liquor (too bad for the 2-litre limit though...Actually, more like too bad i'm such a law-abiding citizen). My colleagues and I stayed at Mariner Hotel (where they get very protective of their hairdryers - apparently they only have one so get in line when requesting for it). Beers+good company+dozens of cheesy songs+a microphone can only spell one thing: KARAOKE bay-bee! Lagu wajib included Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself For Loving You" and "Copaaaaaa Copa Cabanaaaaa". But after several bottles of beer, I could even belt out an Eminem tune and Iziau Iziau Iziau (I knew i had some Kadazan left in me).
Our main purpose of the trip was to attend Remembrance Day on Nov 12. The ceremony is held at the Labuan War Memorial where British, Australian, Sikh, Malay and local servicemen who served and died in the Second World War in North Borneo are laid to rest. It's a beautiful memorial and the service was very poignant. They had three prayer services going on at once at different parts of the memorial - Hindu, Muslim and Christian - followed by a wreath-laying ceremony to pay tribute.
Our main purpose of the trip was to attend Remembrance Day on Nov 12. The ceremony is held at the Labuan War Memorial where British, Australian, Sikh, Malay and local servicemen who served and died in the Second World War in North Borneo are laid to rest. It's a beautiful memorial and the service was very poignant. They had three prayer services going on at once at different parts of the memorial - Hindu, Muslim and Christian - followed by a wreath-laying ceremony to pay tribute.
Apart from the service, we took the opportunity to spend the weekend visiting places of interest. Let's see...There was Surrender Point, where the Japanese basically said, "We give up, you win. Make love, not war. Arigato gozaimas. Let's have sushi." In a nutshell, this is where it all ended.
Pic of Mel and a huge rock (whaddaya mean which one's the huge rock?) It says, 'Peace is the best'. Hear hear. (actually chocolate cupcakes at Benito's are the best too....)
We went to Kuraman Island . Slightly bumpy ride, but half an hour of sore butts and salty hair later, we got there. And it was very purdy. (I dunno why the sky is orange and the tree trunk looks grey...I think i got overzealous with Photoshop on this one)
Believe it or not, I did not bring any swimming/island gear for this trip - long story why. Anyway, once I got to Labuan I couldn't find a half-decent swimsuit on sale(it was between an overpriced two piece at Parkson or a Made in China wetsuit thingy that promised to ride up my ass every three minutes). So i settled for a bright pink touristy sun hat - thanks to the coaxing of my friends. I'm such a schmuck, I know. Striking, no?
Mushi mushi! The best Jap-tourist look i could muster. Almost there...
Back on land! Salty, sticky and really need to get the sand out of my pants.
We also visited the Labuan Bird Park. Ka-kaw, ka-kaw! Saw some really exotic birdies...
And an unidentified creature or two...
On our way out, look what i found! Really...I just could not resist.
And there you have it. The Adventures of Mel and Beer Island. I'm definitely gonna head back there for a weekend of swimming in Chivas and singing more Spice Girls numbers. Anyone game?
Thursday, November 09, 2006
One day.
One day, I will look back on days like these and be able to smile.
One day, when I'm far, far away from this wretched place, I will be able to sit back and appreciate my hometown better.
One day, I will understand why patience is a virtue and all this waiting will be worthwhile.
One day, I won't have to say "I can't wait to leave this place" because I would have left already.
One day, I'm going to pack my bags, have my friends throw me a great farewell party and never look back.
One day, I'll have better things to look forward to.
One day, I won't feel guilty for spending RM20 on lunch.
One day, we'll finally be together and no one can take that away.
If only one day would come already.
One day, when I'm far, far away from this wretched place, I will be able to sit back and appreciate my hometown better.
One day, I will understand why patience is a virtue and all this waiting will be worthwhile.
One day, I won't have to say "I can't wait to leave this place" because I would have left already.
One day, I'm going to pack my bags, have my friends throw me a great farewell party and never look back.
One day, I'll have better things to look forward to.
One day, I won't feel guilty for spending RM20 on lunch.
One day, we'll finally be together and no one can take that away.
If only one day would come already.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Monkey see. Monkey do.
Bad blogger Mel is.
But i'm here now. Busy busy busy with 2 deadlines looming on top of everything else. But never too busy for....
But i'm here now. Busy busy busy with 2 deadlines looming on top of everything else. But never too busy for....
ROCK CLIMBING! Saturday was spent hanging onto 20 feet (ya 20 only, didn't have time to do the 50 foot one) cliffs. This is me, gearing up. Me and 9 other death-defying colleagues (who also had nothing better to do on a Saturday morning) went rock climbing at Kg. Kironggu, Inanam. Some of us actually thought it would be one of those indoor-carpeted-air-conditioned rock climbing things. Sorry, wimps need not apply.
We're talking about REAL rocks. The ones where they don't put nice little thingies to grip onto. Safety is, of course, always paramount. This is me getting injured already....
...And this is BEFORE the climb. We had to take a short hike to the climbing area and I actually cut myself. Nice. Nothing major but I just wanted to add a dramatic element to my injury, hence the pic. Our instructor, Basil, gave a demonstration on how 'easy' it was. We were momentarily inspired and everyone figured, "Looks simple enough...". So, monkey see, monkey do.
I was the second batch to go (we climbed two by two) and I thought I'd take the shorter climb (the other one is 50 feet). 
"Er, really Basil, do we have to do this?Can't i just imagine how high up it is from down here?"
Anyway, it may have been shorter but everyone later agreed it was tougher. So much for finding the easy way out...
Ok so far so good. Height: 2 feet off the ground. Heart rate: Normal.
Mind you I HATE heights. But here's the amazing thing. Once you're actually up there, clambering and trying to find something to hold on to, the last thing you think about is how far off the ground you are. All you want to do is go up...
OkI had more photos but again, blogger failed me. Anyway, long story short, my first attempt was not successful and I insisted on going the second time. I refused to be the only one who didn't make it to the top! So, push comes to shove, and with the help of my friends cheering me on, I keep climbing. I slip three times, slam against the rock once and I actually gave up again. But my colleagues, bless their souls, screamed at me that I had two more steps to go before I reached the top and it was such a bloody waste of energy to get that far and quit. I grit my teeth and could almost hear 'Eye of the Tiger' play in the background as I forced my jelly-legs to keep pushing my wilted body up. "One more step...one morrrrre...." I mumbled to myself. And finally... A LEDGE!!!! Everyone cheered and I collapsed against the rock in relief. And then I made the mistake of looking down.
Holy cow.
Scaling back down is much more fun. Basically, you sit back in your harness, spread your legs, keep 'em straight and 'walk' down. I think the biggest misconception about rock climbing is that you need to be physically tough. I am anything but that, mind you. The bigger challenge was telling myself that I could do it and find my way up without any help. Consider it a form of mental yoga. It takes a lot more brainwork than you think. And you'd be amazed at how stretchy your body can get when it needs to. Hmm.
Catch January's issue of the Sabah magazine for more details!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Anywhere but here.
I never thought it would happen but it finally has.
I go through my mornings like a zombie, staring at my computer screen, willing myself to write. To work. I take orders with a nod, a grunt and non-committal 'Ok'.
My in-tray is piling up and I watch the mountain of 'Urgent documents' grow before me. I mark my calendar with 'important' events when the only thing I find important right now is figuring which DVD to watch tonight and what time my Cubby will be online.
"Make this write-up interesting," the powers-that-be tell me. I hold my sigh and dutifully regurgitate previous ideas, changing a word or two here and there. The morons. They never even notice it.
Deadlines. I hate them. My life has become a circus of deadlines. Of deliveries. Of another page marked 'DONE' only to have another deadline shoved to my face.
If I have to write about another 'quaint district' or 'unique cultural experience', I'm gonna strangle myself with the damn telephone cord - which doesn't seem to stop ringing with demand after demand.
And don't even get me started with lunch time. One hour of my life where I have to decide what kind of carbohydrates to stick down my throat so that I can gain another five kilos to my already expanding frame. And to have people tell me, "You look fine...Just lose a few more kilos." Up yours.
Five pm rolls around and I run, nay, fly down the five flights of stairs, punch out my card like some factory worker and battle the scores of idiot drivers in KK just to get home. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I've lost the fire. The passion. Whatever you call it. I can't find the drive in this job anymore. I need to write from my heart. From my gut. Not from the recycle bin in the crevices of my withered brain.
Tell me there's more to life than this.
I go through my mornings like a zombie, staring at my computer screen, willing myself to write. To work. I take orders with a nod, a grunt and non-committal 'Ok'.
My in-tray is piling up and I watch the mountain of 'Urgent documents' grow before me. I mark my calendar with 'important' events when the only thing I find important right now is figuring which DVD to watch tonight and what time my Cubby will be online.
"Make this write-up interesting," the powers-that-be tell me. I hold my sigh and dutifully regurgitate previous ideas, changing a word or two here and there. The morons. They never even notice it.
Deadlines. I hate them. My life has become a circus of deadlines. Of deliveries. Of another page marked 'DONE' only to have another deadline shoved to my face.
If I have to write about another 'quaint district' or 'unique cultural experience', I'm gonna strangle myself with the damn telephone cord - which doesn't seem to stop ringing with demand after demand.
And don't even get me started with lunch time. One hour of my life where I have to decide what kind of carbohydrates to stick down my throat so that I can gain another five kilos to my already expanding frame. And to have people tell me, "You look fine...Just lose a few more kilos." Up yours.
Five pm rolls around and I run, nay, fly down the five flights of stairs, punch out my card like some factory worker and battle the scores of idiot drivers in KK just to get home. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I've lost the fire. The passion. Whatever you call it. I can't find the drive in this job anymore. I need to write from my heart. From my gut. Not from the recycle bin in the crevices of my withered brain.
Tell me there's more to life than this.
Monday, October 30, 2006
...But then again, too few to mention.
Regrets.
Do you regret anything in your life? Regret having done something? Or worse, having NOT done something? My sister told me when she passes on, she would want "No Regrets" engraved on her tombstone. But how many of us can honestly say they've lived a life without regrets.
Ok, I know what you're gonna throw at me now -Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps. The glass-is-half-empty side of me thinks people say that just to make the shitty bits in their life bearable. "I lost my job...But everything happens for a reason. I got shot in the head...But everything happens for a reason."
Right.
Cynicism aside, maybe things do happen for a reason but seriously, would you go as far as saying you have no regrets? Ask the guy who drove drunk and killed a pedestrian. Ask the size 4 woman who bought a size 2 dress in puke green just because the salesgirl said it looked 'beautiful' on her (AND it's not refundable). Ask someone who spent money to watch 'The Cave'.
My point is, as much as I'd love to proclaim I have no regrets, I wouldn't dare to be so self-righteous. Granted, I do believe some mistakes made turned out to be lessons well learned. I appreciate the lessons but I regret the foolish decisions that brought me there. Cases in point:
Case of the Football Jock in College
It was so cliched: Head of the football team, super-jock who hung out at the gym, had the best one-liners, the guys thought he was so cool and the girls swooned at his swagger. I never imagined in a million years I would fall for him. But fall for him I did. And i became the envy of so many girls, my ego was blown 3 million times it's usual size. Long story short: I was interesting for two weeks and he moved of faster than you could say, "Foul!". He didn't even have the balls to tell me it was over. I remember the pitiful looks that followed me as well as the gleeful smirks of the other girls knowing he was on the market again. He dropped me hard and fast. My consolation was that I never really loved him. But it was huge blow to my pride.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: He pulled the same stunt with the girl he dated after me...and after that...and after that. And soon everyone saw him for who he was. I felt like karma had come full circle. I can't imagine if I had stayed on in that so-called relationship.
Case of The Ex That Wasted Three Years of My Life
Everyone has a take on this. How it was good that it was ONLY three years. How I was lucky we didn't end up married. How it makes me appreciate the person I'm with even more. But people, it doesn't take away the fact that he WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE. It may not seem much to some people but everytime I think of what i could have done in those three years, it pisses me off. And all that emotional investment only to have it flushed down the drain. Grr. After we broke up, I tried so hard to be 'adult' about it. As much as I wanted to pour paint on his car or blow up his house, I kept smiling, laughing at his jokes and being the best 'friend' I could be. A year on, I got really upset with myself because I realised one thing: I was STILL catering to what HE wanted. He looked me in the eye (not once, but three times) to tell me, "I don't love you anymore. I have no more feelings for you" followed by, "But I don't want you to hate me and I still want to be friends."
Okaaaay. And so Mel does what she does best when it comes to him. Grit my teeth, pretend it doesn't kill me inside everytime I see him. And it's not because I was still madly in love with him, mind you. Put it this way:Your pet dog, whom you've given a home for years and seemed harmless, goes rabid on you one day. He bites you, not once, but three times. You have no choice but to give him away. Inside his cage, he looks so harmless and like that dog you've always loved, but seriously...Would you put your hand in and pet him again?
I didn't need a reminder of being rejected. I didn't need a 'friend' who had downgraded me from someone special to 'just one of the guys'. I didn't need to keep that painful part of my life.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: It led me to the person I should have been with a long time ago. Hence, it pisses me off that my ex wasted those years with me when I could have been with the right person all along.
Do I have regrets in my life? Hell yeah.
But more importantly, I haven't been this happy for a long time.
Do you regret anything in your life? Regret having done something? Or worse, having NOT done something? My sister told me when she passes on, she would want "No Regrets" engraved on her tombstone. But how many of us can honestly say they've lived a life without regrets.
Ok, I know what you're gonna throw at me now -Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps. The glass-is-half-empty side of me thinks people say that just to make the shitty bits in their life bearable. "I lost my job...But everything happens for a reason. I got shot in the head...But everything happens for a reason."
Right.
Cynicism aside, maybe things do happen for a reason but seriously, would you go as far as saying you have no regrets? Ask the guy who drove drunk and killed a pedestrian. Ask the size 4 woman who bought a size 2 dress in puke green just because the salesgirl said it looked 'beautiful' on her (AND it's not refundable). Ask someone who spent money to watch 'The Cave'.
My point is, as much as I'd love to proclaim I have no regrets, I wouldn't dare to be so self-righteous. Granted, I do believe some mistakes made turned out to be lessons well learned. I appreciate the lessons but I regret the foolish decisions that brought me there. Cases in point:
Case of the Football Jock in College
It was so cliched: Head of the football team, super-jock who hung out at the gym, had the best one-liners, the guys thought he was so cool and the girls swooned at his swagger. I never imagined in a million years I would fall for him. But fall for him I did. And i became the envy of so many girls, my ego was blown 3 million times it's usual size. Long story short: I was interesting for two weeks and he moved of faster than you could say, "Foul!". He didn't even have the balls to tell me it was over. I remember the pitiful looks that followed me as well as the gleeful smirks of the other girls knowing he was on the market again. He dropped me hard and fast. My consolation was that I never really loved him. But it was huge blow to my pride.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: He pulled the same stunt with the girl he dated after me...and after that...and after that. And soon everyone saw him for who he was. I felt like karma had come full circle. I can't imagine if I had stayed on in that so-called relationship.
Case of The Ex That Wasted Three Years of My Life
Everyone has a take on this. How it was good that it was ONLY three years. How I was lucky we didn't end up married. How it makes me appreciate the person I'm with even more. But people, it doesn't take away the fact that he WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE. It may not seem much to some people but everytime I think of what i could have done in those three years, it pisses me off. And all that emotional investment only to have it flushed down the drain. Grr. After we broke up, I tried so hard to be 'adult' about it. As much as I wanted to pour paint on his car or blow up his house, I kept smiling, laughing at his jokes and being the best 'friend' I could be. A year on, I got really upset with myself because I realised one thing: I was STILL catering to what HE wanted. He looked me in the eye (not once, but three times) to tell me, "I don't love you anymore. I have no more feelings for you" followed by, "But I don't want you to hate me and I still want to be friends."
Okaaaay. And so Mel does what she does best when it comes to him. Grit my teeth, pretend it doesn't kill me inside everytime I see him. And it's not because I was still madly in love with him, mind you. Put it this way:Your pet dog, whom you've given a home for years and seemed harmless, goes rabid on you one day. He bites you, not once, but three times. You have no choice but to give him away. Inside his cage, he looks so harmless and like that dog you've always loved, but seriously...Would you put your hand in and pet him again?
I didn't need a reminder of being rejected. I didn't need a 'friend' who had downgraded me from someone special to 'just one of the guys'. I didn't need to keep that painful part of my life.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: It led me to the person I should have been with a long time ago. Hence, it pisses me off that my ex wasted those years with me when I could have been with the right person all along.
Do I have regrets in my life? Hell yeah.
But more importantly, I haven't been this happy for a long time.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
The Long Weekend
And so it begins. The long Deepavali/Raya holidays (bless Malaysia and her multicultural melting pot) means no alarm clocks ringing at 6:15a.m, gulping down breakfast by 7:20.am and rush hour at 7:40a.m and again at 5pm. Woo hoo! So what's in store for the five-day weekend?
Work.
Not that I'm complaining. Contrary to popular belief, the long weekend can be a bitch. For me, I still automatically wake up by 7am -Curse of the Body Clock- and the rest of the day has me wandering the house waiting for bedtime. There's only so many times i can hit the mall/watch a movie/yam cha with friends. And they all mean $$$. At the risk of sounding like a scrooge, money is of the essence right now. Gotta be smart with those pennies if I want to have nice, hot meals during my trip this Christmas (patience, my friends, all will be revealed in good time, complete with details!). Anyway, long weekends equate moments rolling in bed for an extra hour, catching up on dust-collecting DVDs, reading old issues of Cosmopolitan and falling in love with my cats all over again. Sounds peachy keen but try doing that five freakin' days in a row.
Which leads to yours truly turning back to work. I'm hitting the office to get stuff done - might as well get a head start so I don't suffer a meltdown as deadlines approach. Plus, I've always liked it when the office is empty, save for the security guard who makes sure the office isn't TOO quiet.
I had an excellent Friday night. We celebrated Edwina's birthday at AG's place. It started off relatively sane until the bottles of Chivas, Absolut and red wine came out. Actually, it was still ok until someone had the bright idea of playing drinking games. Long story short, there was a lot of giggling, rolling on the floor and me hitting my head on the X-Box control pad while i was rolling on the floor laughing. It was a good night :)
I'd love to stay and blog but i have an important chat to attend to *big smile* Stay tuned...
"Cuz whatever I do...It's just got to be you.
My life has just begun. I finally found someone."
-Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand, Finally Found Someone. On my player right now.
Work.
Not that I'm complaining. Contrary to popular belief, the long weekend can be a bitch. For me, I still automatically wake up by 7am -Curse of the Body Clock- and the rest of the day has me wandering the house waiting for bedtime. There's only so many times i can hit the mall/watch a movie/yam cha with friends. And they all mean $$$. At the risk of sounding like a scrooge, money is of the essence right now. Gotta be smart with those pennies if I want to have nice, hot meals during my trip this Christmas (patience, my friends, all will be revealed in good time, complete with details!). Anyway, long weekends equate moments rolling in bed for an extra hour, catching up on dust-collecting DVDs, reading old issues of Cosmopolitan and falling in love with my cats all over again. Sounds peachy keen but try doing that five freakin' days in a row.
Which leads to yours truly turning back to work. I'm hitting the office to get stuff done - might as well get a head start so I don't suffer a meltdown as deadlines approach. Plus, I've always liked it when the office is empty, save for the security guard who makes sure the office isn't TOO quiet.
I had an excellent Friday night. We celebrated Edwina's birthday at AG's place. It started off relatively sane until the bottles of Chivas, Absolut and red wine came out. Actually, it was still ok until someone had the bright idea of playing drinking games. Long story short, there was a lot of giggling, rolling on the floor and me hitting my head on the X-Box control pad while i was rolling on the floor laughing. It was a good night :)
I'd love to stay and blog but i have an important chat to attend to *big smile* Stay tuned...
"Cuz whatever I do...It's just got to be you.
My life has just begun. I finally found someone."
-Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand, Finally Found Someone. On my player right now.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Taking a breather.
It's been a while since I've had a somewhat 'leisurely' day in the office. It's been deadline after deadline after phonecall after proposals after events....You get the pic.
Anyway, seeing that my magazine is now in the good hands of the printers (finally!) I managed to have a 'slower' lunch and not spend it in the office for a change. I went to CentrePoint, with no intention of shopping mind you, and found this:
Now i've been looking for a pair of decent pants for the longest time as I am getting sick of denim jeans - my staple pants du jour. And in light of my trip this Christmas (ONE month people, one whole month *gloat gloat*), I need a warm pair cuz where I'll be there will snow *gloat gloat some more* Anyway, gloating aside, do you know how impossible it is to find a good pair of corduroys in KK? I had almost given up and was about to resort to wearing two pairs of jeans at the same time to avoid freezing when...voila! This baby appeared before me. Not only are they corduroys and the LAST pair in my size, I actually look like I have a butt in these! Oh and check this out:
Anyway, seeing that my magazine is now in the good hands of the printers (finally!) I managed to have a 'slower' lunch and not spend it in the office for a change. I went to CentrePoint, with no intention of shopping mind you, and found this:
Now i've been looking for a pair of decent pants for the longest time as I am getting sick of denim jeans - my staple pants du jour. And in light of my trip this Christmas (ONE month people, one whole month *gloat gloat*), I need a warm pair cuz where I'll be there will snow *gloat gloat some more* Anyway, gloating aside, do you know how impossible it is to find a good pair of corduroys in KK? I had almost given up and was about to resort to wearing two pairs of jeans at the same time to avoid freezing when...voila! This baby appeared before me. Not only are they corduroys and the LAST pair in my size, I actually look like I have a butt in these! Oh and check this out:
Really cute pink flowery details!
Which can be worn when I'm feeling girly and removed when I'm not.
One more tiny detail: It was 20 percent off. Me so happy. It's a bit warm to wear on a regular sunny day here but I will do it justice during my trip. That said, I also bought my winter coat last week during my outing with Mia (which is always an adventure by itself, heh heh). Good thing I had her too. I was smitten with a baby blue number which would set me back around RM100plus (still a damn good deal for winter clothing in Malaysia) but Mia, bless her practical senses and 'tsk tsk' looks, told me that the brown pair I had tried on earlier was just as good and costs only RM70 (freakin' cheap la, i know). "But Miaaaaaaaa....." i tried to reason but no amount of whining could deny her good senses. Alright, so it's brown, practical and has pockets that'll keep me warm. The blue one was more fitting and had a nice little fur trim around the hood but...ok ok ok I guess the whole point is to keep warm in sub-zero weather. Sheesh. But since i had a bit more to spend...I bought a beanie! I wanted pink but i figured it looked too much like a marshmellow so opted for practical navy blue. AND it has the letter 'H' on it, in diamentes! So pretty. Will post pics soon!
In the meantime, I wanted to share with you my angry red nails:
They look so striking against the keyboard, heh. But if you look closely, you can see the red paint on my forefinger nail slightly chipped. My dad cooked sweet and sour crabs last night and I just could not resist. Nothing a paint of coat can't fix.
Plus the crabs were damn good.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Sunny days are here!
As traces of the haze continue to dissipate, the long-lost rays of the sun pierce through the sky, its beams casting hues of amber and gold upon the earth...
THE SUN IS BACK!
Yes peeps, after weeks of gloom and doom, I woke up yesterday and was ecstatic to see the sun again. Even my cats were sunbathing and no amount of Friskies could lure them from the warmth of the sun. And i don't blame them. Give me summer days over winter nights anyday. I deal with the heat much better than the cold, thankyouverymuch.
Nayways (heh heh), it's a Saturday afternoon and I have decided to spent the last four hours in the office. No one's around but me and my mp3s. And my work of course. For those not in the know, I have been swamped with work. Apart from the magazine, I've taken on a few other assignments. The workload is ridiculous - as are the overlapping deadlines - but it's all about the $$$. I'm planning a lovely little trip this Christmas and speaking of which, I've been given the green light for my ONE MONTH leave! Are you turning green with envy yet? You should. Soooo in light of this...I gotta work my butt off to clear whatever's been chucked on my desk so that during my one month away, I shall only worry about staying warm. Because, yes, it will be bloody cold where I'll be. Stay tuned!
I found photos! This is Happy doing what makes him happy:
THE SUN IS BACK!
Yes peeps, after weeks of gloom and doom, I woke up yesterday and was ecstatic to see the sun again. Even my cats were sunbathing and no amount of Friskies could lure them from the warmth of the sun. And i don't blame them. Give me summer days over winter nights anyday. I deal with the heat much better than the cold, thankyouverymuch.
Nayways (heh heh), it's a Saturday afternoon and I have decided to spent the last four hours in the office. No one's around but me and my mp3s. And my work of course. For those not in the know, I have been swamped with work. Apart from the magazine, I've taken on a few other assignments. The workload is ridiculous - as are the overlapping deadlines - but it's all about the $$$. I'm planning a lovely little trip this Christmas and speaking of which, I've been given the green light for my ONE MONTH leave! Are you turning green with envy yet? You should. Soooo in light of this...I gotta work my butt off to clear whatever's been chucked on my desk so that during my one month away, I shall only worry about staying warm. Because, yes, it will be bloody cold where I'll be. Stay tuned!
I found photos! This is Happy doing what makes him happy:
And a night out before my cubby left for Canada. I love this shot. Totally captures the essence of me and my partner in crime.
This is at Turtle Island. Yes, i know i look creepy and no, i'm not about to eat the baby turtle.
At the recent Mt. Kinabalu Climbathon. That's me in blue with the Buff Skyrunner people from Spain (they organise mountain running competitions etc). L-R: Ester, Jordi, me and the very cute Albert. heh heh.
Ok peeps, that's it fer now. I have to grab some form of lunch and need to grab a bday gift for my bro, Johann. What do 32 year old brothers like anyway? Besides torturing their little sisters. Ciao.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Sunday morning.
"Hi."
"Hey there."
"Hey can you call back in about ten minutes? I'm almost home."
"Sure."
*ten minutes later*
"Hi, back already?"
"Yep, just stepped in."
"Cool..."
"...But i can't talk long. Expecting another call and there are some people visiting."
"Oh."
"Sorry."
"It's ok. Well...talk to you later then. Bye."
So I console myself with some retail therapy. I've been meaning to get a webcam and a headset, so we can see and hear each other online (i heart technology). One trip to the mall later, I'm all fuzzy again and not too bothered about this morning's brush off. He'll be so surprised and pleased i have a webcam! But the four-hour power cut at home might pose a challenge for me to go online. Patience, my dear, patience...
Cue power. Cue me doing happy dance. Cue me logging on and empowering myself with a webcam. I got everything set up and speed dialled his number. "Go online! I got a webcam!"
"Oh, i don't think i can go online. We've got guests."
"Oh."
"Sorry. But maybe for a short while..."
"No, no it's ok then. Don't bother."
"But i want to."
*icy silence*
"Just go online for half an hour and i'll try to log on."
*unconvinced* "You know what? It's ok...It's getting late here anyway."
Long story short, I stay online for a bit (schmuck) and ta-da, the Great Houdini appears after all. "So how are you?" and the chat begins. Four lines later...
Me:Hello? you still there?
Me: Hello?
Me: are we lagging?
Me: you busy?
Me: you there?
Me: wow i love chatting to myself
Me: hey
*tick tick tick*
Him: Hey sorry, they called me outside to view some photos...
Me: You know what, you sound busy.
Him: I'm sorry. (etc etc etc)
Me: You better go then.
Him: Yeah ok. Good night, sleep well.
Me: Bye
Him: *something something...dunno, because i logged off.*
Yes ladies and gentlemen, it was a Jack Johnson day all over again. Sitting, waiting, wishing. I'm going to bed and hope my webcam explodes into a million pieces in the morning.
"Hey there."
"Hey can you call back in about ten minutes? I'm almost home."
"Sure."
*ten minutes later*
"Hi, back already?"
"Yep, just stepped in."
"Cool..."
"...But i can't talk long. Expecting another call and there are some people visiting."
"Oh."
"Sorry."
"It's ok. Well...talk to you later then. Bye."
So I console myself with some retail therapy. I've been meaning to get a webcam and a headset, so we can see and hear each other online (i heart technology). One trip to the mall later, I'm all fuzzy again and not too bothered about this morning's brush off. He'll be so surprised and pleased i have a webcam! But the four-hour power cut at home might pose a challenge for me to go online. Patience, my dear, patience...
Cue power. Cue me doing happy dance. Cue me logging on and empowering myself with a webcam. I got everything set up and speed dialled his number. "Go online! I got a webcam!"
"Oh, i don't think i can go online. We've got guests."
"Oh."
"Sorry. But maybe for a short while..."
"No, no it's ok then. Don't bother."
"But i want to."
*icy silence*
"Just go online for half an hour and i'll try to log on."
*unconvinced* "You know what? It's ok...It's getting late here anyway."
Long story short, I stay online for a bit (schmuck) and ta-da, the Great Houdini appears after all. "So how are you?" and the chat begins. Four lines later...
Me:Hello? you still there?
Me: Hello?
Me: are we lagging?
Me: you busy?
Me: you there?
Me: wow i love chatting to myself
Me: hey
*tick tick tick*
Him: Hey sorry, they called me outside to view some photos...
Me: You know what, you sound busy.
Him: I'm sorry. (etc etc etc)
Me: You better go then.
Him: Yeah ok. Good night, sleep well.
Me: Bye
Him: *something something...dunno, because i logged off.*
Yes ladies and gentlemen, it was a Jack Johnson day all over again. Sitting, waiting, wishing. I'm going to bed and hope my webcam explodes into a million pieces in the morning.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Haze daze
It's hazy in Kota Kinabalu. People burn, we choke. How rude. After coming back from the Climbathon, I took two days off to bring my friend Dillon around (updates on all those later). I've got a sore throat - must be the haze. Just a quick entry to let everyone know:
1. I haven't fallen off the planet.
2. I'm feeling restless, job-wise
3. The weather in KK varies from wet to wetter
4. I'm sleepy
5. I'm going to watch Ghost Game tonight. Yes, it's a cheesy Asian horror flick.
May Wednesday treat you well.
1. I haven't fallen off the planet.
2. I'm feeling restless, job-wise
3. The weather in KK varies from wet to wetter
4. I'm sleepy
5. I'm going to watch Ghost Game tonight. Yes, it's a cheesy Asian horror flick.
May Wednesday treat you well.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
hate blogger. but loved my weekend.
I hate blogger. I just lost my whole post on my trip to the turtle island. AND IT HAD PHOTOS.
ok.
never mind.
not gonna get upset.
*letting the moment pass*
Anyway, my weekend was relatively better than last week's. I spent Saturday with another Melissa (Cham) and it was a nice girly day, with our two hour lunch and traipsing the mall with no purpose. Ah bliss. Saturday night I headed to Shenanigan's with my friends. Same old routine: loud music, two bottles of Chivas, spinning room and plenty of dancing. Some drama rama with a couple of the boys which involved upset girlfriends and cutting words. Yours truly was too busy getting her groove on to be bothered, heh heh. Not that I don't care about my friends and their soap opera lives but sometimes, a good night out should be a good night out. Plain and simple and selfish.
I got home at 2:30am and instead of sleeping, I logged on and found a Cubby in Canada to chat with. Till 4:30am. Happy me. Sunday was alright. Lunch with Wilson and friends at a Japanese restaurant, watched them play basketball in the evening and was off to visit Cubby's family. He's got such a lovely family and they always make me feel at ease. And visiting them made me miss him a teensy less. Happy me all over again.
This weekend, I'm off to the annual Mt. Kinabalu International Climbathon. Better than another weekend of moping around the house feeling blue, eh?
ok.
never mind.
not gonna get upset.
*letting the moment pass*
Anyway, my weekend was relatively better than last week's. I spent Saturday with another Melissa (Cham) and it was a nice girly day, with our two hour lunch and traipsing the mall with no purpose. Ah bliss. Saturday night I headed to Shenanigan's with my friends. Same old routine: loud music, two bottles of Chivas, spinning room and plenty of dancing. Some drama rama with a couple of the boys which involved upset girlfriends and cutting words. Yours truly was too busy getting her groove on to be bothered, heh heh. Not that I don't care about my friends and their soap opera lives but sometimes, a good night out should be a good night out. Plain and simple and selfish.
I got home at 2:30am and instead of sleeping, I logged on and found a Cubby in Canada to chat with. Till 4:30am. Happy me. Sunday was alright. Lunch with Wilson and friends at a Japanese restaurant, watched them play basketball in the evening and was off to visit Cubby's family. He's got such a lovely family and they always make me feel at ease. And visiting them made me miss him a teensy less. Happy me all over again.
This weekend, I'm off to the annual Mt. Kinabalu International Climbathon. Better than another weekend of moping around the house feeling blue, eh?
On the turtle trail...
Howdy everybody. I know these aren't much but i couldn't post more because:
a) blogger failed me
b) blogger failed me yet again
c) blogger is a big, fat b****
d) all of the above.
Anyway, a quickie on my recent trip to the Turtle Islands Park in Sandakan. A must-visit for anyone, especially if you're already in this part of the world. I'd write a whole entry on my trip but I just complete an article on the same topic last week...Yawn. The lazy man's shortcut? Pick up October's issue of 'Sabah Malaysian Borneo'. Alternatively, visit the website at www.sabahtourism.com sometime next month and look for it (shameless advertising, i know). Photos below!
Selingan beach. Very pretty but not much to see when snorkelling. But check out the mushroom cloud!
My humble abode for the weekend. Bathroom is dorm-style. Bedrooms are basic. I'm here for the turtles anyway...
The moment we've all been waiting for! Time check: 9:27pm. 82 eggs. Bravo mama turtle! No flashlights allowed and no standing in front of the turtle. The rangers have a no nonsense attitude when it comes to fumbling and stubborn tourists. Which I personally think is great.
The hatchery. So many baby turtles, so little time! At night, there were some rats gnawing away at an escaped hatchling...Traumatising stuff to watch but that's nature's way.
Isn't she a beauty? There are dozens of turtles around the beach in the morning but you have to an early bird to catch a glimpse of them heading back to sea. This one was kinda stuck among the rocks but she pulled through ok.
And finally, the Flying Eagle/Jet Li Wannabe of Selingan Island. Hai-ya!
a) blogger failed me
b) blogger failed me yet again
c) blogger is a big, fat b****
d) all of the above.
Anyway, a quickie on my recent trip to the Turtle Islands Park in Sandakan. A must-visit for anyone, especially if you're already in this part of the world. I'd write a whole entry on my trip but I just complete an article on the same topic last week...Yawn. The lazy man's shortcut? Pick up October's issue of 'Sabah Malaysian Borneo'. Alternatively, visit the website at www.sabahtourism.com sometime next month and look for it (shameless advertising, i know). Photos below!
Selingan beach. Very pretty but not much to see when snorkelling. But check out the mushroom cloud!
My humble abode for the weekend. Bathroom is dorm-style. Bedrooms are basic. I'm here for the turtles anyway...
The moment we've all been waiting for! Time check: 9:27pm. 82 eggs. Bravo mama turtle! No flashlights allowed and no standing in front of the turtle. The rangers have a no nonsense attitude when it comes to fumbling and stubborn tourists. Which I personally think is great.
The hatchery. So many baby turtles, so little time! At night, there were some rats gnawing away at an escaped hatchling...Traumatising stuff to watch but that's nature's way.
Isn't she a beauty? There are dozens of turtles around the beach in the morning but you have to an early bird to catch a glimpse of them heading back to sea. This one was kinda stuck among the rocks but she pulled through ok.
And finally, the Flying Eagle/Jet Li Wannabe of Selingan Island. Hai-ya!
Friday, September 22, 2006
Vroom vroom.
I had an interesting conversation with one of my guy friends the other day over a plate of rojak and lemon teh ping. He was having problems with his long term girlfriend. His father, probably hoping to shed some light but failed miserably, asked him, “Why don’t you just find another girlfriend?” Actually, his exact words were more like, “No other girls out there meh?” but I’m trying to make it sound less…Hakka.
Upon which my friend shook his head in disbelief. “Why does my father think that finding another woman is the answer? What happened to working things out? It’s just like buying a car,” he said.
Okay. It SOUNDED like a callous chauvinistic remark but, God bless his soul, he explained before bodily damage was done.
“Everyone needs or wants a car right? So you get one. Something to suit your needs. Something you are happy with. A good ride you can afford,” he sneaked in a smirk here but quickly wiped it off once he saw my ‘not funny’ expression. “So anyway, you get a car, you take care of it and it takes you places. But it’s gonna have problems now and then right? Doesn’t mean at the first squeak or engine trouble, you chuck it and grab a new car. You fix it. Maybe it just needs some attention,” he concluded.
Like a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend for that matter.
It made so much sense. See, maybe today you can only afford a Kancil (small Malaysian car – so lightweight it only takes four men to lift it. I’ve seen this). One day it breaks down. Too much effort to fix it. So you see a newer model on the road, the Kancil Supreme (less lightweight. Takes five men to lift). Now you want THAT one. So you trade in for something supposedly better. And then this breaks down too. Soon you decide you can afford a BMW after all! But six months down the line you realize: It breaks down too.
Moral: Cars are cars. There are going to be squeaks and scratches. The top range of Mercedes can break down just as suddenly as your dad’s old minivan. Like relationships. It’s not a matter of finding the ‘best’ car. But the one that best suits you and your needs. If I have a family of six, I’m not gonna buy a 2-seater right? Same rules apply. Sometimes, cars and men look good at first glance. They still have the showroom shine about them for the first couple of months. But when you really put the pedal to the metal, only then can you test their true performance.
And trust me, only the worthwhile ones will prevail.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Of walking and weekends.
My weekend was a relatively quiet one. It's my first weekend without The Cubby and it's probably not fair to say this, but it was one big snooze-fest. I guess I'm just used to having him around every weekend, be it having lunch, braving the ridiculous weekend traffic, hitting the cinemas, going to Watson's ("I swear I'm just gonna look...") or just watching him submit to my cats. And the things he makes me do is unbelievable. He has this habit of making me WALK everywhere. Good for you, get some fresh air etc etc etc. We would park in Api-Api Centre and walk to Centrepoint. Ok so that's not exactly 50 kilometres but sometimes it feels like it. I'm not much of a walker. Sadly, I am one of those who prefer the car pulling up right to my doorstep. I suppose another reason why I'm not fond of walking around town is because KK isn't the most pedestrian friendly city. If you work where I work, you'd understand. There's undisciplined drivers to look out for, idiots harrassing women as they walk by ("psst, psst...lawa lah!"), spit on the road (i still don't know why some people do this) and 2-inch wide walkways. Oh and there's the crazy Malaysian heat or pelting rain. Take your pick.
I heart KK/Sabah/Malaysia very much though, so spare me the hate-mail.
But ok, fine. I admit Haw has a point about walking. It saves a lot of time in most cases and a short walk never killed anyone. Yet.
I spent Saturday night drinking with friends. Been a while since I had beer. That first gulp is the best. After that, everything spirals into an oblivion of giggling and spinning walls. Sunday was kept simple with a one on one lunch with my mum. And then it was back home to curl up on the sofa, watch Desperate Housewives for three hours straight and retreat to my room with a headache. I also took the time to sort through my mountains of magazines. I have teen magazines dating back to 1992. Time to throw 'em out you think? However, the sentimental slob in me decided to keep a couple, just so I can show my kids 15 years from now the kind of stuff I read. Imagine that. I'll still have these magazines in time for Wawasan 2020!
Right now, I'm taking a break from work. Blogging from the office is so unethical but as long as no one gets hurt and life as we know it continues to move on, I don't see the problem.
Stay classy, San Diego. (I love Anchorman. Must. watch. again)
I heart KK/Sabah/Malaysia very much though, so spare me the hate-mail.
But ok, fine. I admit Haw has a point about walking. It saves a lot of time in most cases and a short walk never killed anyone. Yet.
I spent Saturday night drinking with friends. Been a while since I had beer. That first gulp is the best. After that, everything spirals into an oblivion of giggling and spinning walls. Sunday was kept simple with a one on one lunch with my mum. And then it was back home to curl up on the sofa, watch Desperate Housewives for three hours straight and retreat to my room with a headache. I also took the time to sort through my mountains of magazines. I have teen magazines dating back to 1992. Time to throw 'em out you think? However, the sentimental slob in me decided to keep a couple, just so I can show my kids 15 years from now the kind of stuff I read. Imagine that. I'll still have these magazines in time for Wawasan 2020!
Right now, I'm taking a break from work. Blogging from the office is so unethical but as long as no one gets hurt and life as we know it continues to move on, I don't see the problem.
Stay classy, San Diego. (I love Anchorman. Must. watch. again)
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Saturday.
It's 10:08am on a Saturday morning and I've decided to come to the office. I'm all alone, except for the security and front desk people downstairs. I kinda like the peace and quiet. It's not all that quiet though - I've got Earth, Wind and Fire singing about a Brick House in the background. Groovy. I've got so much to do and so little time. Sitting around at home waiting for Monday isn't gonna get anything done so I figured I might as well come into work. And what better way to start my writing engine than to blog. Me so clever. Me so procrastinator.
I went to watch a movie last night. My Super Ex-Girlfriend starring Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson. What is it with movie titles these days? First there's "Snakes On a Plane". Now this. And who could forget the classic, "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and its sequel, "I STILL Know What You Did Last Summer." My brother went out to buy a dvd the other day and I couldn't believe the title:
"I Always Know What You Did Last Summer"
Seriously, we get it.
Back to the Super Ex-Girlfriend. It was entertaining to say the least. Just strange to see The Bride flying around in tasteless clothes (really) saving New York City.
I went to watch a movie last night. My Super Ex-Girlfriend starring Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson. What is it with movie titles these days? First there's "Snakes On a Plane". Now this. And who could forget the classic, "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and its sequel, "I STILL Know What You Did Last Summer." My brother went out to buy a dvd the other day and I couldn't believe the title:
"I Always Know What You Did Last Summer"
Seriously, we get it.
Back to the Super Ex-Girlfriend. It was entertaining to say the least. Just strange to see The Bride flying around in tasteless clothes (really) saving New York City.
G-Girl. Can someone please tell me what the G stands for?
It's a nice play on role reversal (woman saving man) and I enjoyed the sex scenes. As perverted as that sounds, allow me to explain. There was a scene where Uma and Luke Wilson were in bed and she was straddling him. And she goes, "Ready?" and starts humping him (fully-clothed, nothing too graphic here). She's so strong that the bed is slamming against the wall so hard and everything begins to crack. It's pretty funny, seeing Luke helpless and 'roughed up' so to speak. At the end she breaks the bed and collapses beside him, "I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one." He looks at her in exhaustion saying,"A bed or a penis?"
It was entertaining. Watch it if you want some mindless entertainment and to see Ms. Thurman in a completely different element. She's got the weirdest nose though.
I also bought a TM iTalk calling card yesterday. It's been a while since I had to use one of these things and was so bloody frustrated when I couldn't get through. I was on the verge of tears and ran to my brother asking for help.
Me: I keep dialling this number. It's the correct one, I swear. I called it from my handphone yesterday *trying not to sob*
Him: *takes a look at the number.Looks at me* Are you calling using a landline right now?
Me: Yes! I don't understand... *hyperventilating*
Him: *hands me back the card* It's an international call. You have to dial zero zero to call out from a landline.
Me: Oh.
Yes, I got through after that.
Anyway, it's time to get some real work done. You guys have a good weekend now.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Focus.
It's all about focus.
Keep your eye on the prize.
Don't let the small things get in the way. Always see the big picture and you will realise everything else doesn't matter. It's just white noise, trying to distract.
I keep telling myself to remember what really matters. And that all the heartache I go through will lead to something good. All those times he made me cry and made me feel unloved. All those times I was second best. All those times he 'couldn't want me'.
For those moments, I will laugh twice as hard and feel loved twice as much. And I will be 'number one'. I will want and be wanted again.
I'm keeping my eye on the prize. Almost there.
Focus.
Keep your eye on the prize.
Don't let the small things get in the way. Always see the big picture and you will realise everything else doesn't matter. It's just white noise, trying to distract.
I keep telling myself to remember what really matters. And that all the heartache I go through will lead to something good. All those times he made me cry and made me feel unloved. All those times I was second best. All those times he 'couldn't want me'.
For those moments, I will laugh twice as hard and feel loved twice as much. And I will be 'number one'. I will want and be wanted again.
I'm keeping my eye on the prize. Almost there.
Focus.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Funny story of the day
Went to Turtle Island with a colleague. We have similar backpacks and upon checking in, she mistakenly picks up my bag and walks away with it. "Wei, that's my bag la!" i holler to her. She looks confused for a minute, looks at the backpack and laughs. We exchange bags.
Me: That was bound to happen...
Her: We probably should do something to differentiate them.
Me: What do you propose?
Her: I think I'll put a nametag.
Best part: Her name is Melissa too.
Me: That was bound to happen...
Her: We probably should do something to differentiate them.
Me: What do you propose?
Her: I think I'll put a nametag.
Best part: Her name is Melissa too.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Tuesday's child.
So it's Tuesday. I have a headache. And writer's block. It's four p.m and although I can't wait to leave, I don't want to go home. I don't want to write about traditional gongs and sea turtles anymore. I'm tempted to crawl into bed, have a good cry, think about him and go shopping. Weird combination, I know.
We chatted today. And it made me so happy. He's homesick. And I miss his funny faces.
We chatted today. And it made me so happy. He's homesick. And I miss his funny faces.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
To Sandakan we shall go...
and this: 
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
hilang glamour.
It's 3pm. I'm sitting behind my desk. I have lots of energy. In my state of hyperness, I let out a hoot (yes, hoot). Actually I let out three hoots. Pretty loud hoots too.
And then a cute guy walks in looking for my boss.
*mortified*
Too bad I can't take back my 'hoots'. I'm gonna look for a hole to crawl into now.
And then a cute guy walks in looking for my boss.
*mortified*
Too bad I can't take back my 'hoots'. I'm gonna look for a hole to crawl into now.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Monster in law.
There are few things I hate more than dentists and cockroaches. Linda Blair in The Exorcist ranks high as well but coming in closely in second place would definitely be meeting my boyfriend’s parents.
Guys think they have it hard when it comes to meeting their girlfriends’ parents, especially when daddy owns an impressive collection of firearms. But have you ever thought how difficult it is for us girls? We have to impress your MOTHER. The woman who spent 18 hours in labour to bring you into this world and changed your sheets discreetly when you had your first wet dream. I don’t care how nice your mother is because behind her smile when she greets me at the door is the thought that, “She is not good enough for my son.” Ok maybe I generalize. But why is it that I’ve never had the most pleasant of experiences when it comes to boyfriends and their mothers?
Alex (SO obviously not his real name…as it will be with the others to follow)
Alex was my first boyfriend when I was 17. Yes, I was a late bloomer but that’s another blog altogether. To put it in a nutshell, it was short-lived romance and therefore I never got to meet his mother. Blessing in disguise perhaps.
Jacob
Jacob and I had a rather intense albeit confusing relationship. A neither here nor there thing but we always knew we were ‘together’. I never met his mother neither but unlike Alex who hardly spoke of his parents, Jacob was fond of his mum. He would tell me what his mother liked, what she did during her free time and what kind of gifts his dad bought for her. Again, I never had the chance of meeting her. I always wondered if she would have liked me. I asked Jacob this once and diplomatically he answered, “She just wants me happy.” Okaaay. And then he mentioned how it was vital that his mother had a daughter-in-law who could bake.
I’ll let you guess where that relationship went.
Chris
We went out for five years. We got along great and everything was peachy keen.Minor glitch: Mummy dearest. I had snagged the dream loyal and steadfast boyfriend who made me laugh but, unfortunately, was still dangling from some annoying apron strings. When I first met his mum, I was still his ‘friend from college’ and mum was more than welcoming. A group of us would stay over his house for the weekend (his hometown was a couple of hours away from college so it was a nice getaway now and then) and his parents always played the gracious hosts. His dad was exceptionally nice and I always enjoyed having a chat with him. Everything was fine. Until we started officially dating. That’s when the ‘glaring’ started. I kid you not, the moment the mother started to suspect I was dating her darling boy, she started giving me the eye every time we met. I would be watching TV and I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my head. I wasn’t imagining this because his cousins told me that this was typical behaviour of their aunt. “Chris is her precious baby, you should realize that by now. No one will be good enough for him…You’ve got quite a task before you,” his cousin Lisa confided. No kidding, I thought silently. There was one time when his mum picked us up from the train station and as we were driving back to his home, his mum started stroking his head and said, “Study hard in college, ok son? Girlfriends can wait. Studies first.” And there I was in the backseat trying not to gag. I get the freakin’ point, lady. Things just got more irritating by the day. If we were studying in my apartment, he’d lie to her on the phone and say he was with some other ‘friends’. He would never say he was having lunch/dinner with me. And it took the longest time for him to tell his mum I was his girlfriend. We hardly argued but when we did, it was usually because of his mum. Things didn’t work out in the end but we’re still good friends. I loved him but probably not enough to spend the rest of my life feeling like I was never good enough for his mother.
Elmer
Ok so his name wasn’t really Elmer but that’s not the point. I had it really bad for Elmer. I had boyfriends before but this time, I had fallen hard and fast. In the first year, we had the best time and my family loved him. The only thing missing from the equation was that I had yet to meet his family. It bothered me a little that he kept me a secret from his family. Was I so deformed that he couldn’t bring me to meet his parents? He finally did. His dad- as most dads are- was amiable and made me feel at ease. The real hurdle was his mother. I knew if I could score here, everything would be okay. Turned out his mother was nothing like Chris’ but that’s not to say she was a walk in the park. She was a nice enough lady but I also knew she was a very private person. A smile here, a friendly word there and she would be on her way. I was never sure what she thought about me. She never went out of her way to be nice to me but she was never unfriendly either. In some ways, this was a species of mother I had never encountered before and posed quite a challenge. All seemed ok until Elmer shed some light on her thoughts. During one of their conversations, she mentioned that I was a ‘nice girl’ (yeah like nice socks, nice plant…) but he should be careful seeing that I was Kadazan, which meant I would have the tendency to pressure a man into marrying me as quickly as possible.
Not only was this the most racist bullshit I’ve heard but I nearly burst out laughing at her cockiness of me wanting to corner her darling son into marriage! I was only 24 at that time and no where near ready for marriage.
I became wary from that point on and kept my guard up. I was insulted. Long story short, Elmer and I had a painful break-up (well it was for me anyway) three years later. It got me wondering: What is it about me and boyfriends’ mothers? I’m a decent girl, with perfectly good hygiene and no criminal record. I say please and thank you, and although I can’t bake, I’ve got a great sense of humour. My parents ensured I grew up well-educated and I’m financially independent. Why am I made to feel like a burden or a liability by my boyfriends’ mothers? Perhaps they’ve forgotten that some time ago, they weren’t good enough for someone’s son as well.
"I can't make you love me, if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't."
-I Can't Make You Love Me. I can't recall who sang this though.
Guys think they have it hard when it comes to meeting their girlfriends’ parents, especially when daddy owns an impressive collection of firearms. But have you ever thought how difficult it is for us girls? We have to impress your MOTHER. The woman who spent 18 hours in labour to bring you into this world and changed your sheets discreetly when you had your first wet dream. I don’t care how nice your mother is because behind her smile when she greets me at the door is the thought that, “She is not good enough for my son.” Ok maybe I generalize. But why is it that I’ve never had the most pleasant of experiences when it comes to boyfriends and their mothers?
Alex (SO obviously not his real name…as it will be with the others to follow)
Alex was my first boyfriend when I was 17. Yes, I was a late bloomer but that’s another blog altogether. To put it in a nutshell, it was short-lived romance and therefore I never got to meet his mother. Blessing in disguise perhaps.
Jacob
Jacob and I had a rather intense albeit confusing relationship. A neither here nor there thing but we always knew we were ‘together’. I never met his mother neither but unlike Alex who hardly spoke of his parents, Jacob was fond of his mum. He would tell me what his mother liked, what she did during her free time and what kind of gifts his dad bought for her. Again, I never had the chance of meeting her. I always wondered if she would have liked me. I asked Jacob this once and diplomatically he answered, “She just wants me happy.” Okaaay. And then he mentioned how it was vital that his mother had a daughter-in-law who could bake.
I’ll let you guess where that relationship went.
Chris
We went out for five years. We got along great and everything was peachy keen.Minor glitch: Mummy dearest. I had snagged the dream loyal and steadfast boyfriend who made me laugh but, unfortunately, was still dangling from some annoying apron strings. When I first met his mum, I was still his ‘friend from college’ and mum was more than welcoming. A group of us would stay over his house for the weekend (his hometown was a couple of hours away from college so it was a nice getaway now and then) and his parents always played the gracious hosts. His dad was exceptionally nice and I always enjoyed having a chat with him. Everything was fine. Until we started officially dating. That’s when the ‘glaring’ started. I kid you not, the moment the mother started to suspect I was dating her darling boy, she started giving me the eye every time we met. I would be watching TV and I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my head. I wasn’t imagining this because his cousins told me that this was typical behaviour of their aunt. “Chris is her precious baby, you should realize that by now. No one will be good enough for him…You’ve got quite a task before you,” his cousin Lisa confided. No kidding, I thought silently. There was one time when his mum picked us up from the train station and as we were driving back to his home, his mum started stroking his head and said, “Study hard in college, ok son? Girlfriends can wait. Studies first.” And there I was in the backseat trying not to gag. I get the freakin’ point, lady. Things just got more irritating by the day. If we were studying in my apartment, he’d lie to her on the phone and say he was with some other ‘friends’. He would never say he was having lunch/dinner with me. And it took the longest time for him to tell his mum I was his girlfriend. We hardly argued but when we did, it was usually because of his mum. Things didn’t work out in the end but we’re still good friends. I loved him but probably not enough to spend the rest of my life feeling like I was never good enough for his mother.
Elmer
Ok so his name wasn’t really Elmer but that’s not the point. I had it really bad for Elmer. I had boyfriends before but this time, I had fallen hard and fast. In the first year, we had the best time and my family loved him. The only thing missing from the equation was that I had yet to meet his family. It bothered me a little that he kept me a secret from his family. Was I so deformed that he couldn’t bring me to meet his parents? He finally did. His dad- as most dads are- was amiable and made me feel at ease. The real hurdle was his mother. I knew if I could score here, everything would be okay. Turned out his mother was nothing like Chris’ but that’s not to say she was a walk in the park. She was a nice enough lady but I also knew she was a very private person. A smile here, a friendly word there and she would be on her way. I was never sure what she thought about me. She never went out of her way to be nice to me but she was never unfriendly either. In some ways, this was a species of mother I had never encountered before and posed quite a challenge. All seemed ok until Elmer shed some light on her thoughts. During one of their conversations, she mentioned that I was a ‘nice girl’ (yeah like nice socks, nice plant…) but he should be careful seeing that I was Kadazan, which meant I would have the tendency to pressure a man into marrying me as quickly as possible.
Not only was this the most racist bullshit I’ve heard but I nearly burst out laughing at her cockiness of me wanting to corner her darling son into marriage! I was only 24 at that time and no where near ready for marriage.
I became wary from that point on and kept my guard up. I was insulted. Long story short, Elmer and I had a painful break-up (well it was for me anyway) three years later. It got me wondering: What is it about me and boyfriends’ mothers? I’m a decent girl, with perfectly good hygiene and no criminal record. I say please and thank you, and although I can’t bake, I’ve got a great sense of humour. My parents ensured I grew up well-educated and I’m financially independent. Why am I made to feel like a burden or a liability by my boyfriends’ mothers? Perhaps they’ve forgotten that some time ago, they weren’t good enough for someone’s son as well.
"I can't make you love me, if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't."
-I Can't Make You Love Me. I can't recall who sang this though.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Hectic.
One word to describe the last few blurry days. It's been 'good hectic' and 'bad hectic'. My family is still in Sydney, while the poor ol' fourth born child (that would be me) is left home scrubbing floors and cleaning the fireplace.
Not that we have a fireplace.
Actually, it hasn't been too bad. Although I didn't expect to miss the hustle and bustle of the Leong family as much. I kinda miss my mum's nagging, my dad's whistling and my bro taking up space on the couch. On the upside, I don't have to give a status report every few hours and I have more privacy, wink wink. My cat, Happy, strolls into my parents bedroom every morning with her incessant meowing - I really think he's stressed that the Patriach hasn't been home for a week now. Cute kan?
On the social side, I've been drinking. And i don't mean bottles of mineral water mind you. Every since Haw announced he was leaving, it's been one party/outing after another all in the name of a farewell - I really think it's just an excuse to drink till we drop but hey, I'm not complaining. I took Friday off last week, which was a wise idea seeing that my Thursday night out stretched on a wee bit longer than I thought it would. I was also partially deaf from all the screeching guitars and pounding drums the night before at The Rawk. And there was a lot of shouting into microphones going on - Somehow they called it 'singing'. Ah.
Friday was also Haw's farewell party at the Kinabalu Yacht Club. It was small, simple and insane. Put simply, it was a blast and I think Haw finally realised how much he means to everyone in the office. Pics from the crazy night:
This is what happens when you ask boys to pose for the camera.
Not that we have a fireplace.
Actually, it hasn't been too bad. Although I didn't expect to miss the hustle and bustle of the Leong family as much. I kinda miss my mum's nagging, my dad's whistling and my bro taking up space on the couch. On the upside, I don't have to give a status report every few hours and I have more privacy, wink wink. My cat, Happy, strolls into my parents bedroom every morning with her incessant meowing - I really think he's stressed that the Patriach hasn't been home for a week now. Cute kan?
On the social side, I've been drinking. And i don't mean bottles of mineral water mind you. Every since Haw announced he was leaving, it's been one party/outing after another all in the name of a farewell - I really think it's just an excuse to drink till we drop but hey, I'm not complaining. I took Friday off last week, which was a wise idea seeing that my Thursday night out stretched on a wee bit longer than I thought it would. I was also partially deaf from all the screeching guitars and pounding drums the night before at The Rawk. And there was a lot of shouting into microphones going on - Somehow they called it 'singing'. Ah.
Friday was also Haw's farewell party at the Kinabalu Yacht Club. It was small, simple and insane. Put simply, it was a blast and I think Haw finally realised how much he means to everyone in the office. Pics from the crazy night:
This is what happens when you ask boys to pose for the camera.
And more proof that boys simply cannot take normal photos:
Squeeeeeeezing into the frame.
Heh heh, somebody finally called it a night after one too many flaming lambos and beer.
Damn, can't post any more photos. Be back later.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Cubby.
There are colleagues. And then there are friends. Sometimes you think never the twain shall meet. Colleagues, after all, are merely acquaintances you meet at work, discuss office matters with and occassionally greet at the pantry when making a cup of coffee. Once you punch out at 5pm, you do your thing and your colleagues, well, pretty much go on their own way.
You don't mix business with pleasure, they say. Or the other less finesse way of saying it,"You don't eat and shit at the same place." But what happens when the workplace becomes a place you actually ENJOY being at? And work becomes bearable? And -oh horror- your colleagues become your friends?
Well for starters, going to work every morning doesn't seem like a chore anymore, that's for sure.
It's like "Hey I'm getting paid to hang out with my friends 9 hours a day, five days a week. Cool!" Ok and plus you actually have to do work. For the last 2 and a half years (coming to 3, a record for me...), working here has been great. Sure I have moments when I want to strangle some people but hey, I feel the same way about my family. Not only do I get to do the one thing I'm half decent at (yes, writing. no smart remarks), I also get to travel now and then, meet interesting people and eat, eat, eat. Boy do I get to eat. And i get free massages! You get the pic.
But i also get to hang out with some great people day in day out. One of them is none other the Great Hawdini (haha i'm so clever, i know). Haw (it's pronounce 'How' as in How are you.) Anyway, the point of this whole post is to address the fact that he's leaving the company. Today being his last day (*sniff*). He's truly been my partner in crime and saviour at times when the shit was about to hit the fan - and for moments when it really did hit the fan. At work, not only does he entertain the most tedious of requests ("Can you burn this on the CD for me?"), he also goes the extra mile :"Not only will I burn this for you, I will also TEACH you how!" Upon which, I quickly forget within the next five minutes. Pemalas.
But Haw has been there for me beyond the call of duty. When my car wouldn't start, when I was too drunk to drive home after a-bit-too-happy hours and when my boyfriend ceremoniously dumped me. He's taught me loads of stuff from how to change a lightbulb to the difference between REAL rock music and Coldplay. But what truly blows me away about him is that I know he would do the same for just about anyone, and that's what makes him the best kind of friend.
He's going to Canada to learn how to speak funny and end all his sentences with 'Eh'. Ha ha. Actually, he's going to further his studies in digital animation and come back and impress everyone by making an updated version of Sang Monyet Dan Sang Buaya on Tv1 ("Aku tak peduli, aku tak peduli! Aku nak juga!"). Seriously, I wish nothing but the best for him. If I had my way, I'd bring Canada here so he could study and I'd still have someone around to remind me my car's about to fall apart if I don't service it soon.
I'm gonna miss ya.
You don't mix business with pleasure, they say. Or the other less finesse way of saying it,"You don't eat and shit at the same place." But what happens when the workplace becomes a place you actually ENJOY being at? And work becomes bearable? And -oh horror- your colleagues become your friends?
Well for starters, going to work every morning doesn't seem like a chore anymore, that's for sure.
It's like "Hey I'm getting paid to hang out with my friends 9 hours a day, five days a week. Cool!" Ok and plus you actually have to do work. For the last 2 and a half years (coming to 3, a record for me...), working here has been great. Sure I have moments when I want to strangle some people but hey, I feel the same way about my family. Not only do I get to do the one thing I'm half decent at (yes, writing. no smart remarks), I also get to travel now and then, meet interesting people and eat, eat, eat. Boy do I get to eat. And i get free massages! You get the pic.
But i also get to hang out with some great people day in day out. One of them is none other the Great Hawdini (haha i'm so clever, i know). Haw (it's pronounce 'How' as in How are you.) Anyway, the point of this whole post is to address the fact that he's leaving the company. Today being his last day (*sniff*). He's truly been my partner in crime and saviour at times when the shit was about to hit the fan - and for moments when it really did hit the fan. At work, not only does he entertain the most tedious of requests ("Can you burn this on the CD for me?"), he also goes the extra mile :"Not only will I burn this for you, I will also TEACH you how!" Upon which, I quickly forget within the next five minutes. Pemalas.
But Haw has been there for me beyond the call of duty. When my car wouldn't start, when I was too drunk to drive home after a-bit-too-happy hours and when my boyfriend ceremoniously dumped me. He's taught me loads of stuff from how to change a lightbulb to the difference between REAL rock music and Coldplay. But what truly blows me away about him is that I know he would do the same for just about anyone, and that's what makes him the best kind of friend.
He's going to Canada to learn how to speak funny and end all his sentences with 'Eh'. Ha ha. Actually, he's going to further his studies in digital animation and come back and impress everyone by making an updated version of Sang Monyet Dan Sang Buaya on Tv1 ("Aku tak peduli, aku tak peduli! Aku nak juga!"). Seriously, I wish nothing but the best for him. If I had my way, I'd bring Canada here so he could study and I'd still have someone around to remind me my car's about to fall apart if I don't service it soon.
I'm gonna miss ya.
Monday, August 21, 2006
One year.
Exactly one year ago, I was dumped and finally discovered what a broken heart feels like.
One year ago, someone came up to me and told me had secretly liked me for a while.
One year ago, I cried myself to sleep, didn't come out of my room the whole day and couldn't stop my head from pounding.
One year ago, I was rejected.
One year ago, I was loved.
One year ago, my best friends held my hand and told me I would get through this.
One year ago, I realised how much my family loved me and would always love me even when everyone else stopped doing so.
One year ago, I wasn't sure if i would pull through.
One year ago, I knew things would never be the same.
One year ago, I hated him.
One year ago, I loved him.
It's been the longest year of my life. So much has changed. Watch this space.
One year ago, someone came up to me and told me had secretly liked me for a while.
One year ago, I cried myself to sleep, didn't come out of my room the whole day and couldn't stop my head from pounding.
One year ago, I was rejected.
One year ago, I was loved.
One year ago, my best friends held my hand and told me I would get through this.
One year ago, I realised how much my family loved me and would always love me even when everyone else stopped doing so.
One year ago, I wasn't sure if i would pull through.
One year ago, I knew things would never be the same.
One year ago, I hated him.
One year ago, I loved him.
It's been the longest year of my life. So much has changed. Watch this space.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
More photos!
Yay, I can post more photos! Continuation from my Seaventures-Roach Reefs Resort-Mabul trip earlier this month:
My teeny tiny sleeping cubicle...I mean, bedroom. Or something like that.
Snorkelling at Barracuda Point. You think I'm pale now? Imagine me after spending almost an hour in the strong currents and choppy waters trying not to get sick.
I FOUND LAND! It's the Borneo Divers Mabul Resort actually...
Seaventures Dive Resort. Used to be an oil rig, can you tell?
The main deck/lobby area. The dining hall is on the right side (white chairs). It gets super windy and I was annoyed at how quickly my food got cold! Haw's soup was all over the place before it even reached his mouth.
The Sun Deck as they call it. This is where they serve dinner (when it's not raining). Niiiiiiiice.
My teeny tiny sleeping cubicle...I mean, bedroom. Or something like that.Snorkelling at Barracuda Point. You think I'm pale now? Imagine me after spending almost an hour in the strong currents and choppy waters trying not to get sick.
I FOUND LAND! It's the Borneo Divers Mabul Resort actually...
Monday, August 14, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Stephanie Klein
Stephanie Klein - She's excellent. I came across her by chance and maybe, just maybe, I was fated to read this. Excerpt from 'I can't make you love me, if you don't?' by Stephanie Klein:
I’d just have to be the girl he fell in love with, be loving to him, because men like how women make them feel. They spend their lives wishing we were just as we’d been at the beginning. “Be yourself,” bullshit landed on my door in one neat advice pellet. But how can I when I’m this anxious? “You act,” I was told. “Play it cool, like you don’t care.” But I’m supposed to make him feel good, not like he has to chase me, not now; it’s too late for that. And this is the dizzy mess I danced, in my head, thinking too much. But really, only men told me I was thinking too much. Women understood and helped me strategize.
When you’re buried in emotion and decision, everything seems messy and unclear. It’s obvious to outsiders who give the advice, capping it with “easier said then done,” because they know it sounds easy, even though it will feel hard. Here’s something I wrote to myself in my journal to help me tread and navigate through it: “Talking about it doesn’t make me feel any better. Hearing that it will be okay, that neither of us wants it to end only makes me feel better temporarily. ‘Cause he knows just what to tell me, so he’s giving me just enough, without giving me everything. The truth is that there is nothing, NOTHING, that is going to make me feel better other than hearing from him that he wants me and that he is sorry for having to have put me through this. The only thing that will make me feel normal again is if he’s so in love, so determined to have me as his wife that he declares it outright. God, it’s what I deserve. And staying and working things through will not bring him to this revelation. It won’t. It will be bending over backwards, walking on shells, worrying about what he tells his friends that he’s not telling me, all for him to maybe say that he’s still unsure. I don’t want to live a lifetime waiting in his doubts. For his epiphanies. In a world of his. It’s not a time to be patient; it’s a time to move on and live your life, not bound up in one person who doesn’t know. Life, as cliche as it is, is too damn short.”
I’d just have to be the girl he fell in love with, be loving to him, because men like how women make them feel. They spend their lives wishing we were just as we’d been at the beginning. “Be yourself,” bullshit landed on my door in one neat advice pellet. But how can I when I’m this anxious? “You act,” I was told. “Play it cool, like you don’t care.” But I’m supposed to make him feel good, not like he has to chase me, not now; it’s too late for that. And this is the dizzy mess I danced, in my head, thinking too much. But really, only men told me I was thinking too much. Women understood and helped me strategize.
When you’re buried in emotion and decision, everything seems messy and unclear. It’s obvious to outsiders who give the advice, capping it with “easier said then done,” because they know it sounds easy, even though it will feel hard. Here’s something I wrote to myself in my journal to help me tread and navigate through it: “Talking about it doesn’t make me feel any better. Hearing that it will be okay, that neither of us wants it to end only makes me feel better temporarily. ‘Cause he knows just what to tell me, so he’s giving me just enough, without giving me everything. The truth is that there is nothing, NOTHING, that is going to make me feel better other than hearing from him that he wants me and that he is sorry for having to have put me through this. The only thing that will make me feel normal again is if he’s so in love, so determined to have me as his wife that he declares it outright. God, it’s what I deserve. And staying and working things through will not bring him to this revelation. It won’t. It will be bending over backwards, walking on shells, worrying about what he tells his friends that he’s not telling me, all for him to maybe say that he’s still unsure. I don’t want to live a lifetime waiting in his doubts. For his epiphanies. In a world of his. It’s not a time to be patient; it’s a time to move on and live your life, not bound up in one person who doesn’t know. Life, as cliche as it is, is too damn short.”
Here’s the thing I didn’t realize when I was deep in it. When I wrote about having to not give him a hard time when he wants to hang with the guys, etc. When I tried to talk myself into being better for him, better about his parents, etc… here’s what I didn’t realize. OH MY GOD, there ARE men out there who WANT me around almost all the time, who would insist I join them at the game, men who can communicate, who don’t give a shit what their parents think, who put me first, who are so excited about being near me and doing things for me to show me this. I didn’t want to realize that maybe he wasn’t a good match for me, that maybe what I needed was someone who felt things more deeply, someone who wanted to be in a communicative important relationship, someone who honestly would rather be at a cafe with me, sipping wine than with his pals on the course—um, I’m not kidding (there are men out there who don't care about golf). And yes, now that I'm in a relationship like that, I don't care if he wants to spend time with others. I know we both want to be together, so when we're not, we communicate in sweet texts, eager to see each other soon. It's not the end of the world. But then, I didn’t want to realize that really we were mismatched. Instead I was dead set on making it work, trying to change, to bite my tongue and be a good partner. It was work, and sometimes work is too hard. So you need to make the even harder choice and leave. Which feels like quitting, like failing at another relationship, but really, you’re quitting a bad habit, the need to hold on when it’s time to let go. The need to make someone love you. Maybe you can do it, but it's too much work, and you'll only always question if he's there for the right reasons. It's no way to live or to love.
Read the whole article here .
If there ever was an article that hit home right now, this would be it.
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