Monday, October 30, 2006
Do you regret anything in your life? Regret having done something? Or worse, having NOT done something? My sister told me when she passes on, she would want "No Regrets" engraved on her tombstone. But how many of us can honestly say they've lived a life without regrets.
Ok, I know what you're gonna throw at me now -Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps. The glass-is-half-empty side of me thinks people say that just to make the shitty bits in their life bearable. "I lost my job...But everything happens for a reason. I got shot in the head...But everything happens for a reason."
Cynicism aside, maybe things do happen for a reason but seriously, would you go as far as saying you have no regrets? Ask the guy who drove drunk and killed a pedestrian. Ask the size 4 woman who bought a size 2 dress in puke green just because the salesgirl said it looked 'beautiful' on her (AND it's not refundable). Ask someone who spent money to watch 'The Cave'.
My point is, as much as I'd love to proclaim I have no regrets, I wouldn't dare to be so self-righteous. Granted, I do believe some mistakes made turned out to be lessons well learned. I appreciate the lessons but I regret the foolish decisions that brought me there. Cases in point:
Case of the Football Jock in College
It was so cliched: Head of the football team, super-jock who hung out at the gym, had the best one-liners, the guys thought he was so cool and the girls swooned at his swagger. I never imagined in a million years I would fall for him. But fall for him I did. And i became the envy of so many girls, my ego was blown 3 million times it's usual size. Long story short: I was interesting for two weeks and he moved of faster than you could say, "Foul!". He didn't even have the balls to tell me it was over. I remember the pitiful looks that followed me as well as the gleeful smirks of the other girls knowing he was on the market again. He dropped me hard and fast. My consolation was that I never really loved him. But it was huge blow to my pride.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: He pulled the same stunt with the girl he dated after me...and after that...and after that. And soon everyone saw him for who he was. I felt like karma had come full circle. I can't imagine if I had stayed on in that so-called relationship.
Case of The Ex That Wasted Three Years of My Life
Everyone has a take on this. How it was good that it was ONLY three years. How I was lucky we didn't end up married. How it makes me appreciate the person I'm with even more. But people, it doesn't take away the fact that he WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE. It may not seem much to some people but everytime I think of what i could have done in those three years, it pisses me off. And all that emotional investment only to have it flushed down the drain. Grr. After we broke up, I tried so hard to be 'adult' about it. As much as I wanted to pour paint on his car or blow up his house, I kept smiling, laughing at his jokes and being the best 'friend' I could be. A year on, I got really upset with myself because I realised one thing: I was STILL catering to what HE wanted. He looked me in the eye (not once, but three times) to tell me, "I don't love you anymore. I have no more feelings for you" followed by, "But I don't want you to hate me and I still want to be friends."
Okaaaay. And so Mel does what she does best when it comes to him. Grit my teeth, pretend it doesn't kill me inside everytime I see him. And it's not because I was still madly in love with him, mind you. Put it this way:Your pet dog, whom you've given a home for years and seemed harmless, goes rabid on you one day. He bites you, not once, but three times. You have no choice but to give him away. Inside his cage, he looks so harmless and like that dog you've always loved, but seriously...Would you put your hand in and pet him again?
I didn't need a reminder of being rejected. I didn't need a 'friend' who had downgraded me from someone special to 'just one of the guys'. I didn't need to keep that painful part of my life.
'Everything happens for a reason' moment: It led me to the person I should have been with a long time ago. Hence, it pisses me off that my ex wasted those years with me when I could have been with the right person all along.
Do I have regrets in my life? Hell yeah.
But more importantly, I haven't been this happy for a long time.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Not that I'm complaining. Contrary to popular belief, the long weekend can be a bitch. For me, I still automatically wake up by 7am -Curse of the Body Clock- and the rest of the day has me wandering the house waiting for bedtime. There's only so many times i can hit the mall/watch a movie/yam cha with friends. And they all mean $$$. At the risk of sounding like a scrooge, money is of the essence right now. Gotta be smart with those pennies if I want to have nice, hot meals during my trip this Christmas (patience, my friends, all will be revealed in good time, complete with details!). Anyway, long weekends equate moments rolling in bed for an extra hour, catching up on dust-collecting DVDs, reading old issues of Cosmopolitan and falling in love with my cats all over again. Sounds peachy keen but try doing that five freakin' days in a row.
Which leads to yours truly turning back to work. I'm hitting the office to get stuff done - might as well get a head start so I don't suffer a meltdown as deadlines approach. Plus, I've always liked it when the office is empty, save for the security guard who makes sure the office isn't TOO quiet.
I had an excellent Friday night. We celebrated Edwina's birthday at AG's place. It started off relatively sane until the bottles of Chivas, Absolut and red wine came out. Actually, it was still ok until someone had the bright idea of playing drinking games. Long story short, there was a lot of giggling, rolling on the floor and me hitting my head on the X-Box control pad while i was rolling on the floor laughing. It was a good night :)
I'd love to stay and blog but i have an important chat to attend to *big smile* Stay tuned...
"Cuz whatever I do...It's just got to be you.
My life has just begun. I finally found someone."
-Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand, Finally Found Someone. On my player right now.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Anyway, seeing that my magazine is now in the good hands of the printers (finally!) I managed to have a 'slower' lunch and not spend it in the office for a change. I went to CentrePoint, with no intention of shopping mind you, and found this:
Now i've been looking for a pair of decent pants for the longest time as I am getting sick of denim jeans - my staple pants du jour. And in light of my trip this Christmas (ONE month people, one whole month *gloat gloat*), I need a warm pair cuz where I'll be there will snow *gloat gloat some more* Anyway, gloating aside, do you know how impossible it is to find a good pair of corduroys in KK? I had almost given up and was about to resort to wearing two pairs of jeans at the same time to avoid freezing when...voila! This baby appeared before me. Not only are they corduroys and the LAST pair in my size, I actually look like I have a butt in these! Oh and check this out:
Really cute pink flowery details!
Which can be worn when I'm feeling girly and removed when I'm not.
One more tiny detail: It was 20 percent off. Me so happy. It's a bit warm to wear on a regular sunny day here but I will do it justice during my trip. That said, I also bought my winter coat last week during my outing with Mia (which is always an adventure by itself, heh heh). Good thing I had her too. I was smitten with a baby blue number which would set me back around RM100plus (still a damn good deal for winter clothing in Malaysia) but Mia, bless her practical senses and 'tsk tsk' looks, told me that the brown pair I had tried on earlier was just as good and costs only RM70 (freakin' cheap la, i know). "But Miaaaaaaaa....." i tried to reason but no amount of whining could deny her good senses. Alright, so it's brown, practical and has pockets that'll keep me warm. The blue one was more fitting and had a nice little fur trim around the hood but...ok ok ok I guess the whole point is to keep warm in sub-zero weather. Sheesh. But since i had a bit more to spend...I bought a beanie! I wanted pink but i figured it looked too much like a marshmellow so opted for practical navy blue. AND it has the letter 'H' on it, in diamentes! So pretty. Will post pics soon!
In the meantime, I wanted to share with you my angry red nails:
They look so striking against the keyboard, heh. But if you look closely, you can see the red paint on my forefinger nail slightly chipped. My dad cooked sweet and sour crabs last night and I just could not resist. Nothing a paint of coat can't fix.
Plus the crabs were damn good.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
THE SUN IS BACK!
Yes peeps, after weeks of gloom and doom, I woke up yesterday and was ecstatic to see the sun again. Even my cats were sunbathing and no amount of Friskies could lure them from the warmth of the sun. And i don't blame them. Give me summer days over winter nights anyday. I deal with the heat much better than the cold, thankyouverymuch.
Nayways (heh heh), it's a Saturday afternoon and I have decided to spent the last four hours in the office. No one's around but me and my mp3s. And my work of course. For those not in the know, I have been swamped with work. Apart from the magazine, I've taken on a few other assignments. The workload is ridiculous - as are the overlapping deadlines - but it's all about the $$$. I'm planning a lovely little trip this Christmas and speaking of which, I've been given the green light for my ONE MONTH leave! Are you turning green with envy yet? You should. Soooo in light of this...I gotta work my butt off to clear whatever's been chucked on my desk so that during my one month away, I shall only worry about staying warm. Because, yes, it will be bloody cold where I'll be. Stay tuned!
I found photos! This is Happy doing what makes him happy:
And a night out before my cubby left for Canada. I love this shot. Totally captures the essence of me and my partner in crime.
This is at Turtle Island. Yes, i know i look creepy and no, i'm not about to eat the baby turtle.
At the recent Mt. Kinabalu Climbathon. That's me in blue with the Buff Skyrunner people from Spain (they organise mountain running competitions etc). L-R: Ester, Jordi, me and the very cute Albert. heh heh.
Ok peeps, that's it fer now. I have to grab some form of lunch and need to grab a bday gift for my bro, Johann. What do 32 year old brothers like anyway? Besides torturing their little sisters. Ciao.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
"Hey can you call back in about ten minutes? I'm almost home."
*ten minutes later*
"Hi, back already?"
"Yep, just stepped in."
"...But i can't talk long. Expecting another call and there are some people visiting."
"It's ok. Well...talk to you later then. Bye."
So I console myself with some retail therapy. I've been meaning to get a webcam and a headset, so we can see and hear each other online (i heart technology). One trip to the mall later, I'm all fuzzy again and not too bothered about this morning's brush off. He'll be so surprised and pleased i have a webcam! But the four-hour power cut at home might pose a challenge for me to go online. Patience, my dear, patience...
Cue power. Cue me doing happy dance. Cue me logging on and empowering myself with a webcam. I got everything set up and speed dialled his number. "Go online! I got a webcam!"
"Oh, i don't think i can go online. We've got guests."
"Sorry. But maybe for a short while..."
"No, no it's ok then. Don't bother."
"But i want to."
"Just go online for half an hour and i'll try to log on."
*unconvinced* "You know what? It's ok...It's getting late here anyway."
Long story short, I stay online for a bit (schmuck) and ta-da, the Great Houdini appears after all. "So how are you?" and the chat begins. Four lines later...
Me:Hello? you still there?
Me: are we lagging?
Me: you busy?
Me: you there?
Me: wow i love chatting to myself
*tick tick tick*
Him: Hey sorry, they called me outside to view some photos...
Me: You know what, you sound busy.
Him: I'm sorry. (etc etc etc)
Me: You better go then.
Him: Yeah ok. Good night, sleep well.
Him: *something something...dunno, because i logged off.*
Yes ladies and gentlemen, it was a Jack Johnson day all over again. Sitting, waiting, wishing. I'm going to bed and hope my webcam explodes into a million pieces in the morning.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
1. I haven't fallen off the planet.
2. I'm feeling restless, job-wise
3. The weather in KK varies from wet to wetter
4. I'm sleepy
5. I'm going to watch Ghost Game tonight. Yes, it's a cheesy Asian horror flick.
May Wednesday treat you well.