Saturday, December 31, 2011

Here's to another 8760 hours

But of course there's going to be a New Year's eve entry. If there's anything I'm good at, it's being predictable, no?

Whether or not we keep them, let's admit it: Resolutions are fun to make. With 2012 looming and despite talk of the world ending, here are a few I hope to see through:

1. Write more. I feel like my passion for writing has taken a backseat in the past year. With bills to pay, I had to focus more on the money-making projects and put my creative juices bottled for a bit. While I can't complain on the moolah I made, part of me feels like a sell-out for not really pursuing what I love most: creative writing. Not writing for a website or copywriting a brochure. Writing children's stories. Poems. Short stories about a psychotic teenager poisoning her best friends. You stuff. On that note...

2. Attend the Ubud Writer's Festival, October 2012. I got to know about this event through a fellow literati and missed 2011's do. That said, she gave me a head's up for 2012 and by-golly-suck-a-lolly I'm gonna do my best to attend this one. It would be great to go with a fellow writer (who can put up with my quirky travel habits and nervous flying disorder). Let's see how this goes.

3. Babies. Come on, I'm sure you saw that one coming. To be fair, I actually achieved this (twice mind you) in 2011 - almost, but not quite. I'm far from giving up and although I get a little nervous thinking about this journey again, I am hopeful. WE are hopeful. And your prayers and kind words have not gone unappreciated.

That's it. And if I fulfill 1 out of 3, that calls for celebration. This year has been a test of strength for me. It's the last day of 2011 and I'm still standing so yes, I am blessed to have another year.

Raise your glass and may it always be half full.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Merry Christmas, baby.

As I began to cross out the boxes on my desktop calendar, I came across a date in December I had marked a couple of months ago. I drew a smiley face on that date and for a moment, I couldn't remember the significance of it.

So I backtracked a few weeks, and then a month. And realised I had marked that date as a reminder that I would be three whole months into my pregnancy and would be able to announce it to the rest of my family and friends. I was extra excited because it would be Christmas.

I've been coping well since my second miscarriage, I must say. Mainly because I've thrown myself into work and projects, which won't allow me any time to sit around and go, "boo hoo poor me". But today, flipping through that calendar, it all came flooding back.

It still pains me to think of my babies who never came to be. In my mind, they are perfect, healthy and happy - but not ready to be with us. This Christmas, while I will remember my loss, I will also appreciate my blessings, no matter how fleeting.

Merry Christmas, baby.