Thursday, October 06, 2005

kickin' my heels off...

An interesting story behind my six-day leave from work. I'm supposed to be on a plane to Phuket with
Mia and May Leng right now but i'm not. Long story short, couldn't make it but my six-day leave till monday has been approved so I've been debating whether to proceed with it or not. Let's see: early mornings, paperwork and boring confinements of my office OR waking up whenever I want, hogging the TV control and not giving a rat's a** about the sky falling....

Tough choice.

Anyway, here I am, enjoying a brief so-called 'holiday' from work although the most exotic location you'll find me at right now is my backyard with my three dogs. I've entered my second day of 'holiday' and already I've spent a chunk of my time completing a freelance writing job - side income is always good. So much for holiday huh?

So what's in store for Mel this lovely week? Well, first things first, I plan on catching up on some serious rest. I feel like I'm getting sick again and before my body starts to break down, I'm taking it slow. Late mornings mean I wake up at 7:30am, roll around in bed till 8:30, read trashy magazines and finally take a shower. I begin my love affair with the couch and remote control and this goes on till about ten, which is when i get hungry....

Ok, you know what, before I get all Monica and start planning my 'free time', I'm gonna stop. Seriously, I need to just go with the flow the next few days. Go where the wind blows. Throw caution to the wind. Livin la vida loca. Carpe diem. You catch my drift.

On feelings.
Bad thing about free time is you now have time to think. About everything. And i mean EVERYthing. You all know about my never-ending relationship fiasco. And although most days I really am coping better, today is not one of those days. I made the mistake of watching some romantic comedy on Astro (BAD astro) and soon found the waterworks going. And I got angry with myself. Everytime I think I've picked myself up again, I find myself back on the ground. Everyone tells me it takes time. Well, I wish time would hurry up because this is taking a toll on me. I physically feel ill inside, like someone's making mashed potatoes in my chest. I've done everything that's humanly possible to distract myself, from retail therapy to getting intoxicated, just to get a feeling of temporary sanity. Has it been only two months? Feels like two years. I miss him. I miss us. And I miss things being in place. I'm fine, really I am. But I can't lie and say that I'm happy. Ever been between a rock and a hard place? I'm the Mayor there right now.

Kevin Cowherd is one my favourite columnists. Check him out
here at the Baltimore Sun. Funny guy, great writing.

"Loving someone don't make them love you."
-wise words of Jack Johnson, surfer god and songwriter extraordinaire

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