Temper, temper.

I have a temper. Yes i do. I also have bouts of sulkiness and Idontwanttotalkaboutit-itis. My anger only goes two ways: Blind fury where I say things i'll regret later and spew enough swear words to write my own Dictionary of Cussing. Or I do the 'silent' thing, where I can go days, nay, weeks without speaking to the unfortunate soul who dares pisseth me off. It's tiring but as I grow older, I find that i do the 'silent' thing more often than the blind fury number. See, i figured God gave me bucketloads of patience (X: "Hey Mel, let me take complete advantage of your willingness to help while i take credit for everything." Me: "Oh, ok as long as you'll be my friend.") in exchange for my bad temper. So basically, I'm slow to boil but when i boil, i put volcanoes to shame. But you know what? After 26 years, here's what i figure:

I don't care.

I'm not going to apologise for having a temper. For throwing a tantrum. Or for mouthing off. Sometimes it gets tiring to be the 'bigger person'. My best friends know that my temper rarely rears its ugly head and when it does, it's for a valid reason. You know what I love about my friends? They love me despite my outbursts and rantings. Everyone needs to blow off steam now and then. My dilemma as I oh-so-gracefully age is finding a guy who can accept my emotional dramaticism now and then. I had an ex who was suicidal so he definitely top me in the drama department. And another ex was scared of me half the time that even if i wanted him to walk on water, hell, he'd find a way just to make sure I didn't so much as frown. Sweet but after five years, having someone walking on eggshells around you isn't the most promising relationship.

So yes, I willingly admit that I am not the easiest girlfriend in the world. Seriously, which woman can honestly proclaim herself so? But sometimes i wonder if it's really me. That guys give up on me eventually because i'm a handful. Yes, i have a temper and any guy dating me has to live with the fact that he will inevitably be dragged to watch any B-grade horror flicks. But on the upside, I seldom blow a fuse and in return for watching my B-grade horror flicks, I'll watch mindless car-exploding action movies with you. haha. Any takers?

Sorry if this sounds like a lame attempt to make myself feel loved but we all have our days. Usually, Gaya's the only one who can make me feel truly precious at a time like this.

ah shit, now i'm really depressed.