It's been a season of changes. The end of the old and start of the new and a time of exploring other pastures - not necessarily greener, so some of us discover, just...different.
I don't cope well with change. My idea of being different is ordering milo kosong instead of lemon teh ping at the coffee shop. That's as daring as I can get most of the time. But I also realise life cannot and IS NOT static. Change is inevitable and whether we like it or not, it's going to happen. I suppose I relish the security of predictability and routine. I like waking up at the same time everyday and knowing my route to work at the back of my hand. I like knowing the best chicken rice can be found in Lido and so help me God, if the stall moves, my life will be in shambles.
But as sweaty as palms get when I think about it, change will happen. Bad news, good news, lightbulb moments that make me go, "Wow, how could I have missed that?" Yesterday we received bad news about 'change' in the office and today, my colleague (who has been working here for 7 years) is saying au revoir to us all. Just seeing her empty desk gets me all choked up. And being at the brink of change myself freaks the hell out of me. Some of you may know that I'll be leaving my job in less than a month *don't ask why/where/what/how/who, all will be revealed in good time* and as the days pass, I'm entering panic mode. Things are CHANGING as we speak. I start to doubt myself, my decisions, my direction. Anxiety mixed with excitement can be quite a nauseating experience, let me tell you that.
Will I survive the 'big bad world' outside my safety bubble? Am I packing my bags for the right reasons? Will I be happier or at least as happy as I am now? Fact is, I realise, I won't know the answers unless I get off my scaredy-pants ass and do it. It could be one huge disastrous mistake but on the flip side, it could be the best thing I've done in my 28 years of existence. Worst-case scenario, I'll move back in with my family and spend weekends talking about the meaning of life with my cats. Hey, life could be worse...
The best comment I've heard so far is, "Think about it Mel...You plan to be the editor for the next 10 years?" Ok, fair enough. There's got to be something else out there - it could be better, it could be worse but one thing for sure, it'll be different.
I guess I'm just learning that change isn't necessarily a bad thing - but it's definitely necessary.