Hectic.

One word to describe the last few blurry days. It's been 'good hectic' and 'bad hectic'. My family is still in Sydney, while the poor ol' fourth born child (that would be me) is left home scrubbing floors and cleaning the fireplace.

Not that we have a fireplace.

Actually, it hasn't been too bad. Although I didn't expect to miss the hustle and bustle of the Leong family as much. I kinda miss my mum's nagging, my dad's whistling and my bro taking up space on the couch. On the upside, I don't have to give a status report every few hours and I have more privacy, wink wink. My cat, Happy, strolls into my parents bedroom every morning with her incessant meowing - I really think he's stressed that the Patriach hasn't been home for a week now. Cute kan?

On the social side, I've been drinking. And i don't mean bottles of mineral water mind you. Every since Haw announced he was leaving, it's been one party/outing after another all in the name of a farewell - I really think it's just an excuse to drink till we drop but hey, I'm not complaining. I took Friday off last week, which was a wise idea seeing that my Thursday night out stretched on a wee bit longer than I thought it would. I was also partially deaf from all the screeching guitars and pounding drums the night before at The Rawk. And there was a lot of shouting into microphones going on - Somehow they called it 'singing'. Ah.

Friday was also Haw's farewell party at the Kinabalu Yacht Club. It was small, simple and insane. Put simply, it was a blast and I think Haw finally realised how much he means to everyone in the office. Pics from the crazy night:


This is what happens when you ask boys to pose for the camera.

And more proof that boys simply cannot take normal photos:

Squeeeeeeezing into the frame.


Heh heh, somebody finally called it a night after one too many flaming lambos and beer.

Damn, can't post any more photos. Be back later.

The Cubby.

There are colleagues. And then there are friends. Sometimes you think never the twain shall meet. Colleagues, after all, are merely acquaintances you meet at work, discuss office matters with and occassionally greet at the pantry when making a cup of coffee. Once you punch out at 5pm, you do your thing and your colleagues, well, pretty much go on their own way.

You don't mix business with pleasure, they say. Or the other less finesse way of saying it,"You don't eat and shit at the same place." But what happens when the workplace becomes a place you actually ENJOY being at? And work becomes bearable? And -oh horror- your colleagues become your friends?

Well for starters, going to work every morning doesn't seem like a chore anymore, that's for sure.

It's like "Hey I'm getting paid to hang out with my friends 9 hours a day, five days a week. Cool!" Ok and plus you actually have to do work. For the last 2 and a half years (coming to 3, a record for me...), working here has been great. Sure I have moments when I want to strangle some people but hey, I feel the same way about my family. Not only do I get to do the one thing I'm half decent at (yes, writing. no smart remarks), I also get to travel now and then, meet interesting people and eat, eat, eat. Boy do I get to eat. And i get free massages! You get the pic.

But i also get to hang out with some great people day in day out. One of them is none other the Great Hawdini (haha i'm so clever, i know). Haw (it's pronounce 'How' as in How are you.) Anyway, the point of this whole post is to address the fact that he's leaving the company. Today being his last day (*sniff*). He's truly been my partner in crime and saviour at times when the shit was about to hit the fan - and for moments when it really did hit the fan. At work, not only does he entertain the most tedious of requests ("Can you burn this on the CD for me?"), he also goes the extra mile :"Not only will I burn this for you, I will also TEACH you how!" Upon which, I quickly forget within the next five minutes. Pemalas.

But Haw has been there for me beyond the call of duty. When my car wouldn't start, when I was too drunk to drive home after a-bit-too-happy hours and when my boyfriend ceremoniously dumped me. He's taught me loads of stuff from how to change a lightbulb to the difference between REAL rock music and Coldplay. But what truly blows me away about him is that I know he would do the same for just about anyone, and that's what makes him the best kind of friend.

He's going to Canada to learn how to speak funny and end all his sentences with 'Eh'. Ha ha. Actually, he's going to further his studies in digital animation and come back and impress everyone by making an updated version of Sang Monyet Dan Sang Buaya on Tv1 ("Aku tak peduli, aku tak peduli! Aku nak juga!"). Seriously, I wish nothing but the best for him. If I had my way, I'd bring Canada here so he could study and I'd still have someone around to remind me my car's about to fall apart if I don't service it soon.

I'm gonna miss ya.

One year.

Exactly one year ago, I was dumped and finally discovered what a broken heart feels like.

One year ago, someone came up to me and told me had secretly liked me for a while.

One year ago, I cried myself to sleep, didn't come out of my room the whole day and couldn't stop my head from pounding.

One year ago, I was rejected.

One year ago, I was loved.

One year ago, my best friends held my hand and told me I would get through this.

One year ago, I realised how much my family loved me and would always love me even when everyone else stopped doing so.

One year ago, I wasn't sure if i would pull through.

One year ago, I knew things would never be the same.

One year ago, I hated him.

One year ago, I loved him.

It's been the longest year of my life. So much has changed. Watch this space.

More photos!

Yay, I can post more photos! Continuation from my Seaventures-Roach Reefs Resort-Mabul trip earlier this month:

Seaventures Dive Resort. Used to be an oil rig, can you tell?

The main deck/lobby area. The dining hall is on the right side (white chairs). It gets super windy and I was annoyed at how quickly my food got cold! Haw's soup was all over the place before it even reached his mouth.

The Sun Deck as they call it. This is where they serve dinner (when it's not raining). Niiiiiiiice.

My teeny tiny sleeping cubicle...I mean, bedroom. Or something like that.
Snorkelling at Barracuda Point. You think I'm pale now? Imagine me after spending almost an hour in the strong currents and choppy waters trying not to get sick.

I FOUND LAND! It's the Borneo Divers Mabul Resort actually...

Weekend.

Five words: I had a great weekend.

How was yours?

Stephanie Klein

Stephanie Klein - She's excellent. I came across her by chance and maybe, just maybe, I was fated to read this. Excerpt from 'I can't make you love me, if you don't?' by Stephanie Klein:

I’d just have to be the girl he fell in love with, be loving to him, because men like how women make them feel. They spend their lives wishing we were just as we’d been at the beginning. “Be yourself,” bullshit landed on my door in one neat advice pellet. But how can I when I’m this anxious? “You act,” I was told. “Play it cool, like you don’t care.” But I’m supposed to make him feel good, not like he has to chase me, not now; it’s too late for that. And this is the dizzy mess I danced, in my head, thinking too much. But really, only men told me I was thinking too much. Women understood and helped me strategize.

When you’re buried in emotion and decision, everything seems messy and unclear. It’s obvious to outsiders who give the advice, capping it with “easier said then done,” because they know it sounds easy, even though it will feel hard. Here’s something I wrote to myself in my journal to help me tread and navigate through it: “Talking about it doesn’t make me feel any better. Hearing that it will be okay, that neither of us wants it to end only makes me feel better temporarily. ‘Cause he knows just what to tell me, so he’s giving me just enough, without giving me everything. The truth is that there is nothing, NOTHING, that is going to make me feel better other than hearing from him that he wants me and that he is sorry for having to have put me through this. The only thing that will make me feel normal again is if he’s so in love, so determined to have me as his wife that he declares it outright. God, it’s what I deserve. And staying and working things through will not bring him to this revelation. It won’t. It will be bending over backwards, walking on shells, worrying about what he tells his friends that he’s not telling me, all for him to maybe say that he’s still unsure. I don’t want to live a lifetime waiting in his doubts. For his epiphanies. In a world of his. It’s not a time to be patient; it’s a time to move on and live your life, not bound up in one person who doesn’t know. Life, as cliche as it is, is too damn short.”

Here’s the thing I didn’t realize when I was deep in it. When I wrote about having to not give him a hard time when he wants to hang with the guys, etc. When I tried to talk myself into being better for him, better about his parents, etc… here’s what I didn’t realize. OH MY GOD, there ARE men out there who WANT me around almost all the time, who would insist I join them at the game, men who can communicate, who don’t give a shit what their parents think, who put me first, who are so excited about being near me and doing things for me to show me this. I didn’t want to realize that maybe he wasn’t a good match for me, that maybe what I needed was someone who felt things more deeply, someone who wanted to be in a communicative important relationship, someone who honestly would rather be at a cafe with me, sipping wine than with his pals on the course—um, I’m not kidding (there are men out there who don't care about golf). And yes, now that I'm in a relationship like that, I don't care if he wants to spend time with others. I know we both want to be together, so when we're not, we communicate in sweet texts, eager to see each other soon. It's not the end of the world. But then, I didn’t want to realize that really we were mismatched. Instead I was dead set on making it work, trying to change, to bite my tongue and be a good partner. It was work, and sometimes work is too hard. So you need to make the even harder choice and leave. Which feels like quitting, like failing at another relationship, but really, you’re quitting a bad habit, the need to hold on when it’s time to let go. The need to make someone love you. Maybe you can do it, but it's too much work, and you'll only always question if he's there for the right reasons. It's no way to live or to love.

Read the whole article here .

If there ever was an article that hit home right now, this would be it.

Seasick. Almost.

* had more photos to post below but again, blogger failed me. Will post more soon.

Back from my seafaring trip to the East Coast of Sabah. With all that time on the sea, I feel like a pirate. Arr matey. The trip was good except for all the travelling. We had to squeeze two destinations in 3 days 2 nights. Sounded feasible until we actually tried it. Our journey went something like this:

Fly to Tawau from KK=45 minutes
Tawau-Semporna by road =1 hour
Semporna to Seaventures, Mabul island by boat =1 hour due to the choppy sea. It was quite an experience with me turning 3 shades of green
Seaventures Dive Resort overnight.

Day 2:
Seaventures to Semporna by boat = 1 hour
Semporna to Tawau by road = 1 hour
Tawau Yacht Club to Roach Reefs Resort by boat =45 minutes

And back to Tawau next day. You get the pic. But like i said, when it comes to island trips, I can't really complain, heh. Photos below!

Roach Reefs Resort, located some 45 minutes from Tawau by boat. It's a man-made island actually. Two barges were sunk, piled with rocks and sand and voila...Your very own island!


Me outside my cabin in Roach Reefs. Island trip+hammock = great photo op!


And then I tried my hand at being behind the camera and took one of the photographer. Doesn't Haw look so pretty?

Went snorkelling. Bad idea as the current was really strong. I gave up swimming back to the boat and had to be 'towed' back by Haw and our snorkelling guide. Pic of me having tea after the exhausting fiasco at sea. (all was not lost though. I spotted a barracuda!)
Doesn't get any bluer than this. My favourite view of the Celebes Sea to date.

Useless info for the weekend

Ok everybody, I'm off to islands again this. Friday in the meantime, some quiz results that bring you a step closer to knowing Fridaycat. Muah.

Your Lucky Underwear Is Red

You're confident and bold, and your lucky red underwear will only make you more sure of yourself.You have a great zest for life, and you tend to take on impossible goals - and succeed. When it comes to love, it's hard for you to take the time to open up. You're too busy conquering the world.So if you're looking for a little more romance, put on your red underpants. And see where their passion takes you!

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody.And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

Your Pirate Name Is...

Arch-Pirate Flirty Fran

What's Your Pirate Name?

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Nice doggy."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Reminder:Gotta get sunblock.

Off to another island this weekend. Seaventures and Roach Reefs Resort in Tawau. Seaventures used to be an oil rig but has been converted into a reosrt (very unique, no?) and is two minutes away from Mabul (refer to earlier post. Mabul = bliss). I think this might be my last island trip for the year. Then again...you never know.

In other aspects of my life: Same old same old. I cleaned out my closet yesterday and was depressed at how many items of clothing don't fit anymore. Maybe they shrunk. Maybe while I was sleeping, some tiny elves swapped clothes with me. Or tiny toyols - ok i'm scaring myself now. The point is, I've come to terms that I don't think I'll ever fit an XS or even S for that matter. I put them aside and decided to look at the brighter side of things:

I get to buy more clothes!

Ever the realistic optimist. I'm meeting a friend for coffee after work to discuss love, life and why we never win the lottery.

"If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew"
- Pink, 'Who Knew'. She still got some good songs left in her it seems...