I turn 30 this year.
And I was thinking, it's getting tiring. The chase, the search, the starting over again. My 30 years of existence have come up to this and if I don't do something about it, no one else will. It's so easy for us to blame chance and circumstance - in every aspect of our life. Especially relationships.
Which is why today, as I was applying my eyeliner and taking a good look in the mirror at my unsmiling face, it struck me that enough is enough. I can't do this dance in relationships anymore. I don't care what people say about how great it is to be single and to have a smorgasboard of men laid before you for your taking. "Imagine the freedom!"
Well, ok. But all that is fine when you're 20 and still sorting things out. I've sorted. I'M sorted. I don't want the smorgasboard anymore - I want to look at the a la carte menu and pick out ONE main meal. No appetisers, no desserts. Just one good, fat, juice steak to fulfill my gastronomical demands.
I've had my share. And quite frankly, i'm done with that. I've had relationships that weren't good enough for me, and relationships that weren't good enough for him. Either way, there was never a pleasant end. Someone would get hurt. I don't know about you but there's only so much emotional rape I can go through or put someone else through.
So as I turn 30, I'm making a choice to stop this mindless tango. I cannot - I refuse - to do it anymore. This year, as someone wisely told me, is mine. I know what's good for me and I'm not going to waste anymore time looking for 'What ifs' and 'Let-me-tries'.
Best part is, I don't even have to look any further.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
It all started with the Big Bang...
Let me introduce you to my current obsession. I watched 2 episodes during my trip to Langkawi with Dillon, who thought this would be something right up my alley. He was right. I've been hooked since and, as fate would have it, I came across the Season 1 DVD set a month ago and bought it. Right now, I'm in the midst of downloading (hooray BitTorrent!) Season2. I don't know why this hasn't made it to Astro yet but when it does, I'm gonna watch it all over again. Yes, I'm a geek like that.What's it about:
Geeks. No, really. It's about these two nerdy, physicists friends who live next door to the Hot Blonde (Kaley Cuoco - yep she's from 8 Simple Rules) . They also have two more geeky friends who visit a lot. I love the over-the-top scientific babble which escapes me half the time. It's the delivery that really gets to me. Jim Parsons, who plays the annoying yet can't-get-enough-of-him Sheldon, is fantastic and who would've thought Johnny Galecki would outgrow his teen hearthrob persona and blossom into a...Geek. Clearly one of the most underrated shows out there today.
Here's one of my favourite scenes:
Love. it.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Six.
I visited Joyce's blog and saw this:
Go to your photos folder in your computer. Go to the 6th folder of photos. Go to the 6th picture in that folder. Put the picture on your blog and a description of it. Invite six friends to join the challenge. Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.
And here's what I found:
I spent New Year's Eve working and I didn't mind it one bit. This was just after the countdown and I went outside to wish my friends. Looking at this photo, you couldn't tell that I was going through a pretty bad patch in my life and everyday was a struggle. I had never felt so low in my life but work, friends and family kept me going. I feel kinda sad when I see this photo because I'm reminded of that dark time. But I also feel blessed because with the grace of God, I pulled through and it's as if a dark veil is slowly -but surely- being lifted. I laugh more, I smile more, I believe more. And I realise what I'm worth.
Never again. It's thumbs up all the way from here.
*Tag? I'm letting anyone do this as they wish, but I am curious to see what Jeremy, Yo, Shan, Gallivanter and Maps would come up with :)
Go to your photos folder in your computer. Go to the 6th folder of photos. Go to the 6th picture in that folder. Put the picture on your blog and a description of it. Invite six friends to join the challenge. Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.
And here's what I found:
I spent New Year's Eve working and I didn't mind it one bit. This was just after the countdown and I went outside to wish my friends. Looking at this photo, you couldn't tell that I was going through a pretty bad patch in my life and everyday was a struggle. I had never felt so low in my life but work, friends and family kept me going. I feel kinda sad when I see this photo because I'm reminded of that dark time. But I also feel blessed because with the grace of God, I pulled through and it's as if a dark veil is slowly -but surely- being lifted. I laugh more, I smile more, I believe more. And I realise what I'm worth.
Never again. It's thumbs up all the way from here.
*Tag? I'm letting anyone do this as they wish, but I am curious to see what Jeremy, Yo, Shan, Gallivanter and Maps would come up with :)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Why-nesday
And so I start my morning with barrage of questions. Today I tap into my whiny 5-year-old and ask whyyyyyyy...:
1. ...is my hair growing so slowly? Yes, I miss my long hair. At least my hair has reached a length where I can tie it up. But it does the most annoying flip in the mornings and I spend a good 15 minutes taming it. I thought short hair was supposed to be low-maintenance. I want my hair to grow quickly before I get restless and chop it off even shorter *puts down the scissors*
2. ...am I still in this job? Actually, I have a bunch of conflicting answers for this. First of all, I enjoy what I do BUT I dislike the way the office exploits its employees. I love my colleagues BUT I'm not too crazy about the 'bosses'. I like the atmosphere of my office BUT i hate how 'ghetto' my office area is (We're in Sinsuran, also known as Spitsville). Why am I still in this job? Because I still have bills to pay and nothing better has come along.
3. ...can't I get over the past? I try to look forward but I have an awful tendency to slip into the past. It's a bad habit. I'll be sitting down, painting my nails and a song comes on the radio and I'm back to 1999 all over again. And it's strange how you tend to forget the good more than the bad. Especially with matters of the heart. I've hurt some good people in my life and, in karmic return, I've been burned right back. For some strange reason, I keep playing this in my head like a broken record. And truth be told, I'm still harbouring a lot of resentment for some people. What would Jesus do? Not wallow in it for starters...
4. ...can't Lindsay Lohan just clean up her act? I'm sorry but this girl needs solitary confinement for a decade. I watch her on the screen and, although she's not exactly Kate Winslet, she's good lookin' and has some fine acting chops. Therefore, I'm a bit tired of hearing her messing up her life - with no one to blame but herself. This morning I heard that she's been attending some alcohol-management class but right after that, she heads to the nightclub. AND (oh yes there's an AND...) her driver manages to crash their vehicle into the front door of the club as they were leaving. Classy.
5. ...can't I lose these damn 5 kilos???? Two months ago I lost 3 kilos. This month I put 2 back on. I've been visiting the gym regularly, schedule futsal and squash in the week and STILL...those damn 5 kilos seem to be lingering around. I'm so stressed. I need some chocolate.
6. ...do people take me for granted? I'm a nice person. Really, I can be. I generally am. i'm apologetic to a fault and I hate rubbing anyone the wrong way. Which of course all spells 'doormat'. My employers, for example. I asked them the hypothetical question of "In the event I go for maternity leave...What happens to the magazine?" They cheekily implied that I just have to do 2 or 3 issues in advance. How ridiculous is that? I'm struggling writing and compiling the WHOLE magazine each month already and they want me to do 2 or 3 at once? Yeah as if while I'm in my final trimester of my pregnancy I'd be losing sleep doing overtime at the office. On a positive note, my immediate superior did say that there plans to find a part-time assistant for me in due time. We'll see...
7. ...do I procrastinate so much? Dunno la. I'll think about this later.
8. ...are men so infuriating? I don't hate men, I don't. I still need them to make babies, mow the lawn, carry my shopping bags...hahaha, joke bah, joke. But as much as women drive you men crazy, you guys are just another species altogether for us women. How can you shrug non-chalantly when we tell you how beautiful the miracle of birth is but cry when your football team loses? Our best friends divorce after 10 years of marriage and you think, "shit happens" but you mourn for a week when Nirvana disbands. Men.
9. ...can't I stop eating? I love food. Which kinda explains no.5. Duh.
Ok, enough whining for the day. Back to work.
1. ...is my hair growing so slowly? Yes, I miss my long hair. At least my hair has reached a length where I can tie it up. But it does the most annoying flip in the mornings and I spend a good 15 minutes taming it. I thought short hair was supposed to be low-maintenance. I want my hair to grow quickly before I get restless and chop it off even shorter *puts down the scissors*
2. ...am I still in this job? Actually, I have a bunch of conflicting answers for this. First of all, I enjoy what I do BUT I dislike the way the office exploits its employees. I love my colleagues BUT I'm not too crazy about the 'bosses'. I like the atmosphere of my office BUT i hate how 'ghetto' my office area is (We're in Sinsuran, also known as Spitsville). Why am I still in this job? Because I still have bills to pay and nothing better has come along.
3. ...can't I get over the past? I try to look forward but I have an awful tendency to slip into the past. It's a bad habit. I'll be sitting down, painting my nails and a song comes on the radio and I'm back to 1999 all over again. And it's strange how you tend to forget the good more than the bad. Especially with matters of the heart. I've hurt some good people in my life and, in karmic return, I've been burned right back. For some strange reason, I keep playing this in my head like a broken record. And truth be told, I'm still harbouring a lot of resentment for some people. What would Jesus do? Not wallow in it for starters...
4. ...can't Lindsay Lohan just clean up her act? I'm sorry but this girl needs solitary confinement for a decade. I watch her on the screen and, although she's not exactly Kate Winslet, she's good lookin' and has some fine acting chops. Therefore, I'm a bit tired of hearing her messing up her life - with no one to blame but herself. This morning I heard that she's been attending some alcohol-management class but right after that, she heads to the nightclub. AND (oh yes there's an AND...) her driver manages to crash their vehicle into the front door of the club as they were leaving. Classy.
5. ...can't I lose these damn 5 kilos???? Two months ago I lost 3 kilos. This month I put 2 back on. I've been visiting the gym regularly, schedule futsal and squash in the week and STILL...those damn 5 kilos seem to be lingering around. I'm so stressed. I need some chocolate.
6. ...do people take me for granted? I'm a nice person. Really, I can be. I generally am. i'm apologetic to a fault and I hate rubbing anyone the wrong way. Which of course all spells 'doormat'. My employers, for example. I asked them the hypothetical question of "In the event I go for maternity leave...What happens to the magazine?" They cheekily implied that I just have to do 2 or 3 issues in advance. How ridiculous is that? I'm struggling writing and compiling the WHOLE magazine each month already and they want me to do 2 or 3 at once? Yeah as if while I'm in my final trimester of my pregnancy I'd be losing sleep doing overtime at the office. On a positive note, my immediate superior did say that there plans to find a part-time assistant for me in due time. We'll see...
7. ...do I procrastinate so much? Dunno la. I'll think about this later.
8. ...are men so infuriating? I don't hate men, I don't. I still need them to make babies, mow the lawn, carry my shopping bags...hahaha, joke bah, joke. But as much as women drive you men crazy, you guys are just another species altogether for us women. How can you shrug non-chalantly when we tell you how beautiful the miracle of birth is but cry when your football team loses? Our best friends divorce after 10 years of marriage and you think, "shit happens" but you mourn for a week when Nirvana disbands. Men.
9. ...can't I stop eating? I love food. Which kinda explains no.5. Duh.
Ok, enough whining for the day. Back to work.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
KL, Pom Pom and Powder Puffs.
Yes I haven't been around here for a awhile but by no means have I been resting on my lazy butt! 
This is me hard at work, haha. Seriously though,on the contrary, it's because I've been so crazy busy that I haven't had time to update this space. But I digress. I was in KL briefly to attend this:
The Malaysian Film Festival Press Conference and Official Launch. Actually, I was there to accompany the Sabah media. Long story short, it was an overnight trip and we were in and out of there faster than you can say, "Air Asia". After that, I had to fly to Tawau the next day on a little assignment called Pom Pom. It's an island resort located some 40 minutes from Semporna and yes, it's bee-you-tee-full. 
I don't dive (big boo) so me and Sara - my photographer extraordinaire - spent the days snorkelling, interviewing people, exploring the island and, my favourite part, lazing on the beach. OK let's see if my photos can do the talking: 
This is our lodge, Beach 8. Far enough from the 'busy' lounge and restaurant - not that anyone was making any ruckus - and the beachfront right at our doorstep. 
We had 2 Japanese dive magazine journalists on our trip. I think they made a total of 5 or 6 dives in two days. It was funny to see them pack their huge-ass photography equiptment, suit up and just plop into the sea day in day out. Everytime they dove in, we would say, "Nah pigi office suda itu orang Jipun" (The Japanese are off to the office). Hee hee. 
Sara and I were tired of snorkelling (there are only so many sea-urchins I can handle in a day) so we waited on the boat while they went diving. 40 minutes later, we're officially baked and I think the sun has made us somewhat delirious. This is one of the more decent photos of us 'floating'. PS: At this point, my ass is burnt. Yes, i forgot to put sunblock right 'there' and thanks to hours of snorkelling, its all roasted to perfection. 
But this is my favourite part: Just sitting on my chair with a backdated women's beauty magazine, listening to retro music and forgetting about the o-f-f-i-c-e.
And then of course, we got restless and found these babies. Don't worry, no starfish were harmed in this shoot, I promise. 
Sara's turn, hahahaha! I told you we got too much sun.
We also managed to visit Bohey Dulang, some 20 minutes from Pom Pom Island. I don't dive so...Yeah I guess I can't say much about it. Boo. 
The great staff that made us feel welcome throughout our stay. 
Rie, me and Sara having a Kodak moment before we 'jet' back to Tawau and KK. 
And just last Saturday, we had a little Beauty Workshop thingy at The Body Shop. This is my colleagues before being 'transforming' *krrk khook krrk keek khook*
Group photo! I dunno why we the Kelab Pencinta Alam-photo-taking-style is so popular. Does the trick i suppose, heh. It's been crazy busy and, heaven help me, it's gonna get crazier and busier. But coming home to this at the end of each day makes it worthwhile: 
This is me hard at work, haha. Seriously though,on the contrary, it's because I've been so crazy busy that I haven't had time to update this space. But I digress. I was in KL briefly to attend this:
The Malaysian Film Festival Press Conference and Official Launch. Actually, I was there to accompany the Sabah media. Long story short, it was an overnight trip and we were in and out of there faster than you can say, "Air Asia". After that, I had to fly to Tawau the next day on a little assignment called Pom Pom. It's an island resort located some 40 minutes from Semporna and yes, it's bee-you-tee-full. 
I don't dive (big boo) so me and Sara - my photographer extraordinaire - spent the days snorkelling, interviewing people, exploring the island and, my favourite part, lazing on the beach. OK let's see if my photos can do the talking: 
This is our lodge, Beach 8. Far enough from the 'busy' lounge and restaurant - not that anyone was making any ruckus - and the beachfront right at our doorstep. 
We had 2 Japanese dive magazine journalists on our trip. I think they made a total of 5 or 6 dives in two days. It was funny to see them pack their huge-ass photography equiptment, suit up and just plop into the sea day in day out. Everytime they dove in, we would say, "Nah pigi office suda itu orang Jipun" (The Japanese are off to the office). Hee hee. 
Sara and I were tired of snorkelling (there are only so many sea-urchins I can handle in a day) so we waited on the boat while they went diving. 40 minutes later, we're officially baked and I think the sun has made us somewhat delirious. This is one of the more decent photos of us 'floating'. PS: At this point, my ass is burnt. Yes, i forgot to put sunblock right 'there' and thanks to hours of snorkelling, its all roasted to perfection. 
But this is my favourite part: Just sitting on my chair with a backdated women's beauty magazine, listening to retro music and forgetting about the o-f-f-i-c-e.
And then of course, we got restless and found these babies. Don't worry, no starfish were harmed in this shoot, I promise. 
Sara's turn, hahahaha! I told you we got too much sun.
We also managed to visit Bohey Dulang, some 20 minutes from Pom Pom Island. I don't dive so...Yeah I guess I can't say much about it. Boo. 
The great staff that made us feel welcome throughout our stay. 
Rie, me and Sara having a Kodak moment before we 'jet' back to Tawau and KK. 
And just last Saturday, we had a little Beauty Workshop thingy at The Body Shop. This is my colleagues before being 'transforming' *krrk khook krrk keek khook*
Group photo! I dunno why we the Kelab Pencinta Alam-photo-taking-style is so popular. Does the trick i suppose, heh. It's been crazy busy and, heaven help me, it's gonna get crazier and busier. But coming home to this at the end of each day makes it worthwhile: 
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