I turn 30 this year.
And I was thinking, it's getting tiring. The chase, the search, the starting over again. My 30 years of existence have come up to this and if I don't do something about it, no one else will. It's so easy for us to blame chance and circumstance - in every aspect of our life. Especially relationships.
Which is why today, as I was applying my eyeliner and taking a good look in the mirror at my unsmiling face, it struck me that enough is enough. I can't do this dance in relationships anymore. I don't care what people say about how great it is to be single and to have a smorgasboard of men laid before you for your taking. "Imagine the freedom!"
Well, ok. But all that is fine when you're 20 and still sorting things out. I've sorted. I'M sorted. I don't want the smorgasboard anymore - I want to look at the a la carte menu and pick out ONE main meal. No appetisers, no desserts. Just one good, fat, juice steak to fulfill my gastronomical demands.
I've had my share. And quite frankly, i'm done with that. I've had relationships that weren't good enough for me, and relationships that weren't good enough for him. Either way, there was never a pleasant end. Someone would get hurt. I don't know about you but there's only so much emotional rape I can go through or put someone else through.
So as I turn 30, I'm making a choice to stop this mindless tango. I cannot - I refuse - to do it anymore. This year, as someone wisely told me, is mine. I know what's good for me and I'm not going to waste anymore time looking for 'What ifs' and 'Let-me-tries'.
Best part is, I don't even have to look any further.