Tuesday, May 23, 2006

'Hello, I'm an Idiot Driver.'

You know what I hate most about driving?

Other drivers.

At least 'P' license holders (drivers on probation) have a huge sticker on their cars asking for some consideration. I like to think it stands for 'Pardon me' or 'Practicing', but some 'P' drivers act as if they're trying to prove they're 'Pieces of shit', 'Pandai'(clever) or '****mak' (i'll leave you to figure that one out.

But how about the rest of the driving population? First you have the 'uncles/aunties' who road hog at 20 (25 if they're feeling 'dangerous') km/h. And then the Sunday drivers who point at every freakin' signboard, tree, house as they pass as if to make a truly genius observation to their passengers, "Wah...So nice la dat house. But ours nicer." And then you have the Idiot Drivers who think amber at the traffic light means 'go faster'. The Super Idiot Drivers not only go faster at the amber lights, they try to knock some pedestrians down while leaving a trail of black smoke and pounding music in the background.

I nearly got into TWO accidents in the last week and neither of which was I at fault. Scenario one: Roundabout. Why do idiots become stupider at roundabouts? It's like the population's IQ drops by 80 percent everytime they see one. It's verrry simple, you dodo drivers. There are usually two lanes. STAY in your lane and if you are in the outer lane you CANNOT cut into the inner lane as you make a turning. Comprende? Anyway, back to my near accident. There I was, minding my own business, lalalala and already in the roundabout area. Suddenly I see a pick-up approaching from the left at high speed. He's not slowing down. This could be a problem. He suddenly realises he might actually kill me so he slams on his brakes, screeching, causing a panic behind him and me looking for my liver which might have dislocated itself during the whole commotion. Say it with me now: Idiot.

Scenario two: I'm at a junction.Anyone with half a brain (or even George Bush for that matter) stops to look both ways. Elementary driving rule. Idiot yellow kelisa behind me probably needs to shit really bad so he decides he can't wait and overtakes me AT A JUNCTION. And I don't realise this until I'm actually make my right turn. And, wowee junior juice, wants to make a right turn as well.

(Do you see a problem yet?)

I brake. He brakes. We're both in the middle of the road and I'm yelling at him, "Oi, bodoh, this is my way la! (expletive expletive)". Yellow Kelisa man looks non-chalant (probably trying to get his shrunken balls back to its normal peanut size) and zooms off. His devil may care attitude pisses me off even more and -in a brief yet harmless moment of road rage- I actually tail the guy and drive thisclose to his bumper just to annoy him. The best part is, he had to trail behind a really slow Toyota and was basically sandwiched by the Toyota and yours truly. Ok so I'm not proud of being a bully but I dislike being on the other end of the stick at the same time. Idiot Yellow Kelisa was NOT going to get away so easily.

And why don't people signal? Hellooooo, those lights aren't decorative you know. You know whats worse than people who don't signal? People who signal as they make the turn. Bodoh.
And BUSSES. Oh my oh my oh my how I hate them busses. They jump queue, stop wherever they like and always have pervy passengers who look into your car as they drive by.

Sometimes, just when I think I can't stand other drivers on the road, another breed of beings top the list:


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