Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I have been having 'ugly' days. I'm not talking about your run of the mill bad days. I'm talking about days when you feel so ugly you want to put a bag over your head. It feels like nothing looks right. My clothes make me look fat, my hair is limp and we won't even discuss my skin. In a nutshell, I feel ugly.
And you know what doesn't help at all? People pointing out your imperfections. It's like saying to someone in a wheelchair, "You mean you can't walk?" Thanks for pointing it out, Einstein. I was at my old office yesterday and bumped into an ex-colleague. We were chatting and she began asking, "So you're out of the office a lot? Like into the jungle and everything..."
"Sometimes,"I replied. "Yeah, poor you, they keep you so busy that you don't even have time to take care of your skin." I pause, grit my teeth, resisting the urge to stab her with the pen in my left hand. She continues,"You used to have such nice skin when you were working here...It's so...different now."
Wowee you clever cow, I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't told me. After all, I only look in the mirror everyday. And people keep reminding how much weight I've put on. Thank you for your powers of observation but maybe someone should tell you about your bad breath/BO/lack of manners/visible panty line too.
I hate my skin so much. I don't know how it got this bad (before i continue, I really don't need the whole 'you should be grateful you still have arms/legs/a roof over your head etc' speech. My bimbo moment, I'm gonna indulge). Some people might not find it a big deal but it stresses me out so much. So much so that I find myself staying at home more so I don't have to meet people with my horrid skin. I'm trying almost everything I can get my hands on, from hundred dollar lotions, to pills, to cat pee (ok this one's not true but I'd do just about anything any this point). And it hurts. Not emotionally, I mean my face physically hurts. It's sore and uncomfortable.
I didn't go to work today. Well, sort of. I had to get the magazine done at our printer's office and once that was accomplished, I didn't feel like heading back to work so I went home. I crawled into bed with a pounding headache, still feeling ugly and slept it away. Except it hasn't gone away and I wish I could spend another day in bed.
Perhaps I should mention that I'm having pretty bad PMS right now, hence the ranting. Whatever. I figured maybe blogging about it might make me feel better.