"But I tagged you in Facebook..."

I get it. Social media is the best thing since doughnuts. But for a long time coming, I have a bone to pick with Facebook. And if you really think about it, it's not even Facebook's fault. It's the faces behind Facebook. It's the human element. The people. The 'friends'.

Not all friends, mind you. Just 90 percent of them. I signed up back in 2007, not realising my naivete would be my own peril. Photo tagging, all that banter back and forth over a status message, throwing digital livestock at people and even slapping them with trout. Ah, the good ol' days.

Fast forward to 2012 and how I long for the days before I had any association with the F word. These days I log in, scroll the 'Home' page and sigh. Do we not have enough drama in our REAL day to day lives than to stir up monkey shit in cyberspace? People complaining and venting and bitching and whining and, of course, no names are ever mentioned. It's always SOMEbody or SOME people. Which then causes 178 people on your friends list to go, "Shit, is it me? Did I piss her off lately? Must be me. Bitch."  And what's with the updates every 5 minutes?

1:00pm - "The paint on my wall is drying."

1:05pm - "The paint on my wall is STILL drying."
1:10pm - "The paint on my wall is drying super slow."

1:15pm - "I'm watching paint dry. FML."

I could go on and on about Facebook but I also know I'm starting to look like a happy little hypocrite because I, of course, have my own FB account. I will not argue that FB has done me some good - I've kept in touch with people from my college and uni days, made valuable contacts and know whether my exes are have either put on immense weight or married far uglier people than me. However, as of late, it has become more of a bane than a boon. Suddenly, people EXPECT you to log onto Facebook at every waking moment. Important messages, invites and announcements are all posted solely on Facebook and this has become the accepted norm.

Back the fucking social media wagon up one second.

First of all, in what planet do you think EVERYONE has a Facebook account? It's like, "Oh you don't have any kidneys and you're missing a toe, that's ok but OMG YOU DON'T HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT?!?!" Seriously. And even if I do have an account, what makes you think that would be my top choice of keeping updated with the on-goings of the world? Before FB, there were carrier pigeons, smoke signals and -my favourite- the phone. Holy shit, would you look at that - the phone STILL exists! I cannot tell you how many times I have had to tell people to call or even text me fortheloveofgod for anything that needs my immediate attention. "But I tagged you in Facebook..." comes the lame reply.

Sigh.

Facebook, you and I have had some good times. And although I know we won't be parting ways anytime soon, I just want you to know,  the fire's gone. We'll always have Twitter.