Hell-phone

I am thisclose to chucking this piece of a$$-wiping, c!@k sucking, father-mucking piece of crap out the window, into the ocean, swallowed by the pits of never-ending hell.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let me recap.

As of late, I have discovered how technology has become more of a bane than a boon in my daily life. What used to be a tool that allows me to communicate with the world on a more regular basis with ease has turned into an invasion and molestation of my private existence.

In other words, I'm constantly hounded by never ending calls, text messages, BB messages, emails and the like. And why yes, they're all URGENT.

It seems that in today's world, having a smartphone (which is anything but in my opinion) seems to indicate that you are now literally available 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Calls and smses used to be bad enough but now with instant messaging and e-mails coming through directly, communication has never been an uglier bitch.

Why oh why, pray tell, do people think that just because I own a Blackberry, I am expected to be 'on top of' my e-mails, calls, smses and instant messaging? I don't recall signing a contract with my telco provider that states I shall henceforth be surgically infused with the smartphone of my choice till death do we part.

The irony is, I grew fond of my Blackberry because of the convenience in terms of dealing with my clients. They could send me inquiries and I could get back to them almost immediately. I stress: ALMOST immediately. Or at least I could send them a reply saying, "Got your email. I'll get back to you this evening." Good enough, right?

Apparently not. These days, when you get an email, text or instant message, you are expected to get back to them in the next five seconds or, heaven forbid, your genitals will rot and fall off. Do people EVER consider that maybe I'm not sitting in front of my phone, staring at the screen, going "OOOH I can't wait till someone gets in touch with me!" When I discover the art of eating, shitting, showering, driving and having sex while replying e-mails, I will let you know.

So while I am so so so grateful that the mobile phone allows me to communicate with the human race, I will not be enslaved to it. I cannot answer the phone at any given second nor can I reply a 2-page email using the pathetic excuse of a keyboard on the Blackberry.

So please understand that when I cannot attend to your calls or texts immediately, I am just busy going about my daily life and its routines. And sometimes that is far more urgent than any e-mail.