Harley Fever!

Take your pick!

The HOG Rally is in town! No, it's not a bunch of squealing oinkers. HOG stands for Harley Owners' Group and this year, Sabah is the host for the 5th Malaysia National HOG Rally. Now I've never been quite the biker chick but seeing these babies up close is pretty exciting stuff. Yes, I discriminate: I find those 'kap chai' bikes damn annoying but you can put me on a Harley any day!

From the 29th of May to the 2nd of June, here is your chance to meet and greet real-life biker 'dudes' AND 'chicks' - yep, leather and tattoos and all! A majority of them are from around Malaysia but we also have a handful from the US, Indonesia, Thailand, Singapore and Australia to name a few. My company is one of the organisers and handlers so I have the privilege of traipsing around the West Coast of Sabah with them.

Biker chick in the making?

Closer to KK, you can catch them at Shangri-La's Tanjung Aru Resort this Sunday, 1st June during their charity run. There will be bike auctions, rides for the orphans and many other activities.

I took this on our way back from Tenom, one of the routes during the rally. How absolutely awesome to trailblaze those hilly roads on a Harley!

On Saturday, they'll be making their way to Kundasang Memorial Park and Kota Belud. So if you see a huge convoy of Harleys, give them a big, fat, warm welcome - Sabah style! They're pretty hard to miss. Ok, I'm off to Kundasang!

All by myself. Sorta.

In a noisy, polluted and ever-changing city filled with people who never seem to stop and smell the wilting roses, I am celebrating the temporary sweetness of solitude. I am currently in K-Hell – sorry, KL – for a week, mainly to attend a meeting and a 2-day course. But my meeting is over and my course only starts on Monday and I figured I’d take the time in between to be with me, myself and the craziness of KL. I started the day waking up slow – a luxury we all take for granted, rolled around in the sheets and engrossed myself in a made-for-tv movie about a woman who ran over her cheating husband with her Mercedes, not once but three times. Nice.I walked around KL city alone, aimlessly and merely for the sake of walking until I got hungry. I finally settled for beef lasagna and overpriced iced lemon tea at Dome Café. My editor in KL sends me an sms to remind me off my impending deadline (oops) and so here I am at Starbucks e-mailing him my final draft. I’m off to meet him after this should I ever get off my procrastinating ass. Sigh. I’ve got three whole days of immersing myself in KL before the ‘business’ side of my trips kicks in.

You know, as I edited my story for the THIRD bleeding time and clicked on ‘send’ to my editor, I dawned on me that I could do this for a living. Live in this crazy city, watch people go by, drink RM14.00 ice blended chocolate and just type away on my laptop – AND get paid for it. Thing is, I don’t have the balls to up and leave the comforts of KK and my job and my whole life and become a full-time freelance writer. How would I pay my rent? How can I afford my shoe fetish? How can I sleep at night not knowing where my next paycheck will come from?

Don’t mind me. Maybe it’s just the KL air. I’m off to find my way to Titiwangsa. Hope I don’t end up in Seremban.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom. Let it be."
- The Beatles, Let It Be. Perhaps I should.

Here we go again.

Yep, another birthday come and gone.

Let's compare notes, shall we?

My birthday entry last year:
"Another year gone.Older. Hopefully wiser. But definitely happier....There's a complete myth about getting older. It's not about the wrinkles, the extra weight we pile on over the years, the pressure to settle down with 2.5 kids or making more money. It's about finally feeling comfortable in your own skin. I'm older. And i'm lovin' it."

Wow, was that only a year ago? Reading back my entry, I recall being in a such a happy place at that time. Makes me smile. I still praise the Lord for giving me another year but I can say I have since relocated from that Happy Place.

I don't know where I am. Everyday is a blur and if I can get by with a smile on my face, that's good enough for me now.

Thank you for all your birthday wishes - I had plenty of reasons to smile yesterday. Maybe next year, I'll have a better birthday entry and if not...Well, it'll still be an interesting read. Watch this space.

The Greatest Love Story Ever

He saw her cycling to school one day. “She’s our new English teacher,” informed his younger brother. One glance was all it took and his heart was set forever. Never mind that she had no idea he existed. Never mind that she already had a steady boyfriend of three years. Never mind that she seemed way out of his league.

And so began his pursue. He would write her letters. And eventually even mustered up the courage to say hello to her personally, sweaty palms and all. She was friendly but nothing more. He made the gallant move of finding her home and introducing himself to her stern father, stating his sincere interest in his eldest daughter (after all, that was what they did in their day). She entertained his courting moves but she remained unmoved. He was a charming young man but surely not her type.

But he never gave up.

It was a whirlwind romance you might say because five months later, he proposed. There was much objection but no obstacle would prove to be a challenge for a couple in love. Her father agreed on an engagement but she was to return to the Philippines, their homeland, thereafter. A wedding would take place only much later. He would not have it, this young man of 22, for he knew it was a ploy to bring her as far away as possible from him. He would marry her right there and then – and nothing would stop him. “You’re crazy! He’s not suitable for you!” cried her friends. But she knew she had found the man she would spend the rest of her life with. It was beyond comprehension for her friends and family but made all the sense in the world to her.

On May 6th, 1967, my parents tied the knot in a small church in Papar.

My father has always told me that when a man has his heart set on something he really desires, nothing will stop him from achieving it. “I didn’t have a penny to my name and to be honest, I had no idea what kind of future was in store. But none of that mattered because I had the woman I loved right by my side and together, we braved it all,” he said.

And then he would always say to me, “Melissa, marry a man who will stop at nothing to be with you. Love makes no excuses, doesn’t bargain nor does it make you feel worth less than you really are. If a man truly loves you, there is no such thing as an obstacle.”

He and my mother are a testament of that for 41 years.

Happy anniversary, Mum and Dad. In a world where hearts are broken everyday, I only have to listen to the two of you bickering about the remote control and know there's hope for me yet, haha!

Sabah Fest fever!

This is what's occupying so much of time these days. Quick details for those not in the know:

WHERE: Magellan Grand Ballroom

WHEN: 3rd & 4th May 2008, Sat and Sun

TIME: 7:00pm

TICKETS : RM 30.00 per night

WHAT: Sabah Fest is an annual cultural extravaganza organised by Sabah Tourism Board and its wholly owned subsidiary Sri Pelancongan Sabah (that's us!) . Entering its 20th year, this is the best time to see an assemblage of Sabah's colourful ethnic groups who will proudly display their culture through song, dance, food, costumes and handicraft.

The 8:00pm concert is a one-hour cultural performance, showing rarely-seen traditional performances including the Igal Tabawan of the East Coast district of Semporna (really cool dance with long metallic fingernails!), the feet-stomping Dansa of the Cocos people and, my favourite, a performance by some 30 children from SK Pangkulian Tambunan called 'Pangkulian'. A Murut-inspired dance, it shows off the many talents of these students who came all the way from Tambunan to entertain you! The highlight this year is the showcase of a mixed-wedding ceremony between a Murut groom and Bajau bride. Of course, there will also be the Magunatip (the bamboo dance of the Murut people), the Sumazau Penampang and Papar, Mongigol Dusun Tindal by the Kota Belud group and many more. GET YOUR TICKETS NOW! You can purchase them at Sri Pelancongan in Sinsuran or at Sabah Tourism Board over at Gaya Street. But if you really can't decide now...try your luck at the ballroom ticket counter on either night. Just RM30.00 for a cultural show at its grandest scale held only once a year - I promise you it will be worth every penny!

In the foyer of Magellan's grand ballroom, there will be an ongoing exhibition on handicraft, traditional spa treatments, food, beverage and many other interesting stalls. You can also don a traditional costume and have your photo taken! This will be going on from 10am to 10pm on both days and entrance is FREE.


Oh and on the 5th and 6th of May, the festivities continue at Sabah Museum's Heritage Village. The respective ethnic groups will play host to selected houses, displaying rituals seldom seen such as the Mamahui house-cleansing ritual (Dusun tindal house) and the Bajau Penansang ritual which is performed to heal a sick person. Outside, check out the various fun contests for all to try including bamboo stilt-walking, blowpipe and slingshot competitions. There will also be a cultural show at the main stage at 11:00am and 3:00pm. Entrance fee only RM10.00! The event will take place from 10:00am to 5:00pm on both days so don't miss it :)

So come support our efforts to promote Sabah's melting pot of cultures. I'm off to rehearsals. See you there!

Zombie mode.

I'm not a bad person, really.

I like to play by the rules, most of the time. I eat three square meals a day and I feel guilty running red lights on the road. I've been a dutiful daughter and been as accomodating a girlfriend I can be. I am patient - to a fault. And these days I even floss after meals.

But somehow, I feel there is something infinitely unlikeable about me. Unlovable. Unworthy. Call it self-esteem issues but no matter what colour you paint it, it's there.

Life isn't at its smoothest right now. I'm surrounded by people everyday but I've never felt more lonely. Switching to zombie mode.

Day Four.

Still no Happy. Still not happy.

I dunno what else to do.

I just hope he's ok and not hurt and cold and hungry.

....

Ok now I'm REALLY depressed.

Not Happy.

My cat, Happy, was sent to the vet yesterday because of a swollen paw. Turned out to be an infection and they had to drain some fluid from his leg. In that light, he had to be admitted overnight.

Couple of hours ago, the vet calls me and I expect the worst (its never good if a vet calls you in the office). But I did NOT expect his nurse to tell me:

"Your cat is missing."

*pause* Ok, wait a minute. How does a sick cat go missing in a veterinarian's clinic? They said Happy managed to 'open' his cage and escape. OH WOW MY CAT IS A GENIUS! And now they cannot find my cat. And the bloody nurse has the cheek to tell me, "They usually come back at night so we'll wait till night time to look for the cat." WTF.

Me: I'm going to pick up my cat this afternoon. I don't care how you do it but my cat had better be there when I get to your clinic.

It's like the hospital telling a patient's relative, "We misplaced the patient. But we'll look for him later today." I freakin' entrusted my cat's well-being in your hands and you LOSE my cat? And what are they going to do if they can't find my cat? Reimburse me with RM150? Fcuk no.

I'm still at work and i'm finishing up whatever I need to before lunch. And then I'm going to the vet. And Happy better be there looking happy as ever. If not, heads will roll.

FYI: I sent my cat to the Sabah Animal Medical Centre in Foh Sang. Dr. Rassit has been the family vet for years. Not anymore. And i suggest you guys don't send your pets there neither. The nurses don't give a rat's ass about the pets.

Spring cleaning.

I had a life-changing weekend. Long story short, I went on a retreat and I feel much better. I'm going to spare my readers the spiritual experience because :-

a) not everyone will get it
b) I don't really need to hear negative and cynical feedback
c) I don't want to be accused of shoving my faith down other people's throats.

Those of you who do understand me, thank you. It's nice to know I have people i can share it with without fear of being judged. And I want to make a special shout out to Pu, for without whom I wouldn't have experienced what I did. You are heaven-sent!

****

I am 'spring cleaning' my life. I have unnecessary junk weighing me down, useless souvenirs I'm holding on to that only remind me of the unhappy past. Toxic waste poisoning my system that I need to flush out, bit by bit. Toys I don't play with anymore. Trophies that were once symbols of victory serve only to remind me of glory days that were temporary. Empty boxes that once held precious gifts.

I need to hold on to things that bring me comfort, joy and security - not for a month or a year. But for all my life. I found that over the weekend.

The Papaya Theory

My Papaya got married recently.

But before that, let me explain the Papaya Theory of Relationships. At some point, everyone has a Papaya in their lives. Someone you've secretly pined for, the one in your heart of hearts. That one person who still makes you smile when you think of him or her after 10 years and you go, "Sigh, if only." That somewhere along the path of fate, you were ALMOST meant to be...but not quite.

And you know it's not going to happen. And even with that fact, its ok because life goes on as it should. And then one day *BAM* you find out he's seeing someone else. Or worse, he's getting married. Which means it won't be as fun imagining the 'What Ifs' and 'If Onlys' when it comes to him. Thus, he is now the Papaya.

See, it's like this: Say you don't really like to eat papayas. You don't hate them but if it's there, you're not necessarily gonna eat it neither. Ambivalence. In fact, you don't even THINK of papayas. Kinda like...taking them for granted. And the one fine day, the doctor tells you: I'm afraid you can't eat papayas for the rest of your life due to some super-weird medical condition.

And that's the moment you think, "But I WANT my papaya. I want to eat papayas!" And it drives you absolutely nuts. It didn't matter before - but now that it's off limits, it's all you can crave for. You know you'll live without having another bite of papaya (you've always been a mango person anyway) but...still.

Yeah, maybe it's a selfish theory but it's definitely applicable. I haven't spoken to my Papaya in years and I had a crush on him since I was 12! That's all it was, a childhood crush. But even after a string of relationships - He's still my Papaya. And now that he's on someone else's plate (and I do wish them all the best), it leaves me a little...Papaya-less.

Who's your Papaya?

He's The One

He's the one

by fridaycat13.

He's the one

Who makes me smile

Forget my troubles for a while

The one who fills my head at night

My ups, my downs, my wrong, my right

He's the one

To set me straight

The one I love, the one I hate

In my heart I know he's true

In my head I wish i knew

He's the one

I didn't see

The one who didn't plan to be

My all with him I'll give, not take

My heart he owns.

My heart he'll break.

I wrote this during one of our long-winded, pointless meetings. Hey, at least I looked like I was writing notes.

Nothin' left.

I'm not a big fan of hers but this song has been stuck in my head the last few days. Don't you have days where you feel you're completely drained? I dedicate this song to moments when I feel there's nothing left to give.

I Got Nothin' Left
Celine Dion

Anybody ever tell you that you're not whole
A hollow shell of man without a soul
Never ever felt your warmth cause you're always cold
Only thing that makes sense is letting go

Anybody ever tell you that you've got nerve
Treatin' my love like just another word
Tired of giving love to you that you don't deserve
So this is one way of saying it's over

Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worth less
So I got nothing left

Anybody ever tell you that you're gonna learn
Trust and respect are two things you must earn
When it came to lovin' me you just weren't concerned
You never gave a damn so I guess now it's my turn

Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worth less
So I got nothing left

So done with you
Maybe we're through
So done with you
Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worth less
So I got nothing left
So done with you

So done with you

Week of Sorts

I have this look on my face lately so before you come up to me and ask "what's wrong?", let me save you the trouble and just say it's been a week of sorts.

First of all, my allergies have been keeping me awake most nights. The swollen eyes and red nose look doesn't really suit me well. I spent Thursday snoozing away till 6:00pm, waking up only to eat a cupcake for lunch and going back to bed till dinner time. And by 10:00pm, I was ready to hit the sack again. Hibernation anyone? I went to church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday like the good girl I aspire to be. I say 'aspire' because I went drinking after mass.Ah well, the thought that counts.

In other aspects of my existence, work is keeping me busy enough to forget about my allergies for most of the day. We're busy organising the Sabah Fest and if I have to write another letter that begins with "Tuan...Dengan segala hormatnya perkara diatas dirujuk", I will poke my eye with a fork. And every week, it's been meeting after meeting after meeting followed by trips to Tambunan and Ranau to meet with villagers and dancers who will be performing for the Sabah Fest. And when I get back, there are reports to do and more meetings to organise. I mean, seriously, sitting around in a conference room 'discussing' for three hours is hardly productive if you ask me. The show is just about a month away. Hustle people!

And on a personal note...I'm just emotionally tired. Too much unnecessary drama - some of it not even mine. But it's not all bad. On one hand, you have the Happies: The people getting married, having babies and moving on to good things in their lives. And then you have the Unhappies: people breaking up, stories of unrequited love and opening old wounds. Don't you hate it when the buried past doesn't stay unburied? Put all these dramas into a blender and you've got yourself a tall glass of Teh O Ais Emo.

Well-meaning people have told me not to think so much. It's not like I wake up each morning and go, "Hmm, what shall I burden my thoughts with today?" Pardon me if I cannot find the joy in the sound of the first bloody bluebird on a lovely spring day right now. I find more comfort in popping my antihistamines and curling up in bed while the rain pounds on my roof.
Life is good, even if in small doses.

Impossible Love

Sellie showed me this artwork yesterday and I've been mesmerised since. I dunno why but I absolutely love it. It's called 'Impossible Love', by Selina Fenech.

Must-see Mist

Every now and then, a movie comes along unexpectedly and blows your mind away. Stephen King's 'The Mist' is actually a 2007 production but, as in most cases, it's hitting our screens only now. So sad. I went to watch The Mist with little -if no- expectations. In fact, I was prepared for a B-grade flick which would amuse me for the next 2 hours or so.

Long story short without giving away the movie, yes the movie has creepy crawlies and "oh crap it's coming after me!" moments but the scariest element of the movie is the characters themselves. At first glance, the movie promises a scare-fest but what will blow you away are the layers of issues the story presents. You realise how fragile and complex the human spirit is and at the end of the day...We're just a bunch of animals who've learned to use to the computer and drive a car.

And the ending? Well, it's something you'll have to experience for yourself.

Sleep won't come.

It's become chronic. This sleep deprivation/insomnia of mine. I'm not even sure if you can call it insomnia. See, I fall asleep relatively easy but throughout the night, it's as if I'm 'awake'. I can FEEL myself sleeping, if that makes any sense. My brain is actively telling me, "Ok you're sleeping. Sleeeeping, sleeeeeeping..."

And it's driving me crazy.

I wake up feeling as if I never went to sleep and yet, I operate alright throughout the day. It has become so constant that I dread my nights. As the sun goes down, I worry about the same thing, "Am I going to sleep tonight?" I do get tired come evening, and I can fall asleep as my head hits the pillow. But within an hour or two, I'm awake again and telling myself I need to sleep.

I've tried every remedy there is in the book. From lavender oil to drinking myself drunk (haha it works but the hangover isn't worth it). Last month, I started popping sleeping pills and true enough, they didn't just help me sleep - They knocked the wind out of me. But after two weeks of the happy pills, the effectiveness started to wear off so I stopped taking them. Plus, I noticed an unpleasant side effect which resulted in me feeling drowsy during the day. Just can't seem to win.

So what do I do? I'm not sleeping and haven't been for two months now. If anyone has anymore suggestions, I'd really appreciate it. I miss my sleep.

You don't send me flowers anymore.

I thought of Valentine's day and that song just popped into my head. First of all, I still believe flowers are ridiculously overpriced on Valentine's Day and I would much rather have my date spend that kind of money on something else. At least Manolo Blahniks won't wilt after two days.

So this year, I actually HAVE a date. And as adamant as I am not to give into the hoopla of Valentine's Day, Date Man made a good point saying we didn't get to spend the last one together (thanks to the giant sea that parted us) and although we both agree it's senseless to spend insane amounts of money on one night of commercialism, it would be nice to mark it meaningfully. So we're gonna stand outside expensive restaurants and laugh at all the suckers.

Kidding.

We're actually going to have a nice, quiet dinner somewhere inexpensive yet meaningful (no, not McDonalds ok) and then...spend time together I guess. Which is what V-day is all about. Remembering your loved ones and appreciating them. And I'm not just talking about your boyfriends and girlfriends. Friends and family deserve to be reminded of how 'sayang-ed' they are as well. Last year, I cooked dinner for my parents and brother and we turned to have one of the most memorable V-days.

I have to be honest - I'm stumped when it comes to Valentine gift ideas. Everything else sounds unoriginal: jewelry, a nice shirt, techno gadgets etc. My brother said it would be more meaningful to 'make' something. Yeah I can see it now, "Here you go honey. A sock puppet, complete with sequins." I managed to buy a V-day card though, which was a gagging experience. After going through ten greeting cards, I was ready to poke my eye if I read another line that had the words, 'forever', 'true love' or 'the one for me' in it. I found one that suited my taste - and his lah of course - that didn't promise the moon, stars and all that crapola. Why can't cards just read, "You're fun. I dunno if i'll marry you but going to the movies with you this weekend sounds great."

Pardon the cynicism. This from the girl who admittedly cried watching The Notebook, hah. In the spirit of St. Valentine, may the love be with you on this Hallmark-y day. It's not about how many roses or carats you receive...

... it's making sure the BMW he bought you matches your dress.

Har har. Just have a good one and I cannot stress this enough: Roses should not cost more than a KFC Bucket Meal.

Year of the Drat

This is getting ridiculous. I spent Christmas with a fever and the flu, which turned into a hacking cough come New Year. Last week, I suddenly had tonsilitis and today...

I woke up and sprained my neck.

Yes, you read that right. All I did was raise my head from my pillow to check the clock on the wall when I heard a loud and sickening 'crack'. I paused. I could still turn my head left. But when I tried to turn right...Holy mother of pain... Anyway, I freaked out because I couldn't turn my head down or up neither. AND I couldn't get out of bed because somehow whenever I move my left arm, the muscle in my shoulder would cramp up (I don't know the technicalities of the human body so don't ask why). So I wailed like a baby, calling for my mom. I managed to 'roll' out of bed and once I stopped freaking out, I realised it wasn't painful if I stopped moving my head so much.

Long story short, I am now on painkillers, muscle relaxants and migraine pills - somehow the muscle pull triggered migraine attacks, go figure. The migraines are gone (which is why I'm in front of the computer) but I still can't swivel my head around. On a positive note, I have fantastic posture right now as a result of sitting up straight all day because slouching hurts my neck even more.

So if you see me on the street for the next few days, please don't try to be funny and go, "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" Because I will eventually get better and hunt you down.

What is it with me these days? I'm having a string of bad luck when it comes to my health. Even when I'm lying in bed I can find a way to injure myself. In retrospective, it IS kinda funny. I just hope the Year of the Rat doesn't have anymore mishaps in store for me.

Ok pill-popping time.

Never forgive. Never forget.

Sweeney Todd. I've been waiting forever to watch the movie and I finally did on Saturday. Never mind I had to endure the flow of smelly pilaks, chattering teenagers and the sticky floors of Centrepoint's Growball Cinema: It was Sweeney Todd or nothing for me. (no, the other cinemas were not screening it. Boo to you Cathay and GSC). Anyway, there were plenty of reasons to be excited to watch this movie. One: JOHNNY DEPP. Two: JOHNNY DEPP. Three: JOHNNY....you get the pic.

Johnny sans eyeliner and crazy hair.

Four: Tim Burton. He is so fantastically weird and I've loved him since his Beetlejuice days.

Five: Helena Bonham-Carter. Any woman who is believable as a monkey (Planet of the Apes in case u forgot) is good in my books. Also the fantastically weird wife of Tim Burton.

Six: It's a musical. I'm a sucker for people breaking out into song every ten minutes. So sue me. And Johnny Depp can sing! Sigh. Me so love.

Seven: It's a period piece with over the top make-up and costumes. And London really looks like shit here.

Eight: The unpredictable ending. Don't expect them to ride into the sunset hand in hand happily ever after, ok.

Nine: Sacha Baron Cohen. Yep it's Borat in tights! You won't be able to miss him.

Ten: Johnny Depp.

Like everything else in life, I suppose preference is subjective. I might like peas and carrots and you might think dog food sounds more appetizing. Same with this movie. Yeah, Sweeney Todd is an acquired taste but I didn't think it was so bad that it warranted people to actually WALK OUT of the cinema halfway.

How stupid is that? And it really annoyed me that everytime they broke out into song, the audience would moan. Hello people. It's a MUSICAL. Educate yourself a bit la before you buy the ticket. If you hate people singing in movies, go watch Rambo. Or if you REALLY wanna waste your time, go and watch Gabriel. Don't ruin the movie experience for the rest of us who actually enjoy musicals or Johnny Depp wearing make-up.

The verdict: It's not everyone's cup of tea. And be warned, it's bloody and surprisingly, the censors went easy on this one. Watch it if you enjoy stuff like Moulin Rouge and Hairspray (duh) except,er, with more blood and people being chopped up and stuffed into pies. Nice.

To KL and back.

So i spent the past week in KL. It was a much needed holiday, getting away from KK just to clear my mind - ah the irony. What can i say. I hated KL, I loved KL. And now i'm back in KK, tired from my holiday. Heh, just can't win.

On the upside, I met up with my old uni and college friends, some whom I have not seen for almost five years. Things have changed over the years but my friends, bless their souls, have stayed the same.

*****************

I've been good, thanks for asking. Just having 'blogger's block' moment. I'm trying to sort out stuff in my life right now. I think I just need some breathing space. Take care peeps. I'll be back.