In her shoes.

One of my best friends got dumped by her boyfriend a couple of days ago. I spent some time with her last night, listening, talking and doing whatever would ultimately make her feel better (except for drinking because I have 17 days to go before Lent is over. Me. Sober.Very.) It broke my heart to see the shell of a usually upbeat and up-for-anything girl sitting before me. I say this with love: She looked like shit. And most likely because she felt like it too. She cried, she reasoned, she rationalised, she questioned, she wondered, she cried some more. And for the life of me, I wanted to say profound things. Words that would somehow snap her out of her misery or give that moment of enlightenment and make everything ok again.

But I couldn’t find the words.

Because I knew how she felt. And I knew that no words of wisdom would make sense or matter much at this point. “It hurts,” she said. I nodded. I knew that pain all too well. It feels like someone’s blending your heart and your throat is so tight, you can’t breathe. Your head is pounding and everything around you moves in a blur. Everything you believed in was a lie. Where did the years go? Is it really over? Will this sickening knot in my stomach ever go away?

I stood in her shoes seven months ago. I know exactly the symptoms of a broken heart. I know the whole 12-step program to ‘healing’ or whatever the hell they call it. I know why she needs to numb herself every night with alcohol just to get a decent night’s sleep. I know why she wants to hate him so much right now but she doesn’t. Denial. Withdrawal. Crying yourself to sleep. Stupid songs that will remind you of him. His t-shirt hanging in your closet. That photo of the two of you during ‘happier times’, with his arms so lovingly wrapped around you. I’m not gonna lie: It’s tough but I promise that it gets better. You’ll realize that he was only a fragment of your life and you did fine before you met him. You’ll do just as fine without him again.

What pisses me off is when guys waste so much time of your life before they realize, oops I don’t really want to be with you anymore. Yeah, so these things are unpredictable bla bla bla spare me the righteous bullshit. Then why do you build me up to just bring me crashing down? To my beautiful, brilliant and Superfox friend: Life is way, way too short for us to be dwelling on people who aren’t worth dwelling on. “I need to focus on my career. I don’t have time for a relationship. We’re not compatible after all. You’re not my priority.” So many excuses and we still REFUSE get it. No excuse will ever mask the plain and painful truth that you don’t want us. Just be honest. And seriously, why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? And watch out for those ‘conditional’ relationships. The ones where the guy wants to be with you but on HIS terms. He’ll see you when HE’S free. He’ll call you when HE feels like talking to you. He’ll consider settling down with you when HE’S ready. That’s great. You know what to tell men like that? Go f*** yourself since you’re so in love with ‘YOU’.

I refuse to hurt anymore. I have no one to blame but myself for believing the promise of a future with him. I will not be a fool the next time around. No more expectations. No more hopes. No more waiting for that happily ever after. For now, I will live each day as it is and take things as they come. I am my own person and I belong to no one but myself.

I promise you will feel better but not so soon. And you deserve your time to grieve the relationship. Cry it out, drink it off…whatever it takes. But a time will come when you realize no one is worth ‘mutilating’ your life away. In the meantime, we’re here for you. And yes, I’ll sing Copacabana to death if it makes you happy. Cuz I love you like that.

"Her name was Lola, she was showgirl..."
-Copacabana, Barry Manilow is da man. But i could definitely give him a run for his money.

Manila photos

Long overdue. Some shots during my recent trip to Manila:



My twin cousins, Rissa and Sasha.














Their manja cat...Being manja.












The lovable Troy. My grandma's doggy. Look at that face!







A shopping we-will go...











Magic FM, live! I was on a radio show, where my cousin Patrick temps as a DJ for the Campus Patrol Show. A shot of his colleague in action.










My cousin Reneelyn, DJ Mike and me. Dinner time!











Sisig - one the famous Filipino dishes. Minced pork. Delish! and goes great with beer,heh.









Rice, chicken kebabs, roasted pork, pancit (noodles), beer and mango salad for four people. I paid only RM60, how about that?










My dad packing. Me annoying him by being in the way.



















If there is one thing you MUST try in Manila, it's these Cinnabon thingies. Hot out of the oven. Divine...i couldn't stop eating them!









KK islands from the sky. Almost home!

To Tabin...and beyond!

Tabin Wildlife Reserve in Lahad Datu was my sanctuary for the weekend and I've lived to tell the tale after all. Heh. I'm no Indiana Jones but for a laid-back semi-city girl like myself, I had quite an adventure. My colleagues and I set off on Friday morning to Tabin. I was there to write a story on the place and also to assist in the annual Tabin Wildlife Conservation Conquest. It's a 12-km race where runners find themselves battling rainforest terrain, leeches, mud and each other to be crowned champion at the finishing line.

Runner down. This guy not only had muscle cramps in BOTH legs, but both arms too. And check out his leech bites. Yikes.

Prior to the run is the Mud Race; a more light-hearted competition for both the young and old. Participants run/walk/skip to the Mud Volcano (some half hour/45 minutes from the starting point), roll around in mud and return to the starting point. The most creative mud-covered participant is crowned Mud King/Queen/Kid/Warrior. It's pretty hilarious and some people came up with really creative concepts!
Looks fun, no? Must try this next time.

The journey to Tabin from Lahad Datu airport is about one hour and let me warn you, the road is B-U-M-P-Y. Forget getting shut eye. It was so bumpy that at one point i bumped my head against the van's window and cracked my sunglasses. Yep, i'm not even there yet and my adventures have already begun. Sigh sigh. Anyway, after lunch we begin our first trekking expedition. We're doing a recce of the race course (not all 12km thank God) and decided to cover on 2 and a half km. So we trek. And trek. And trek. And i tell you...It doesn't seem to end. Now, I'm not bothered by the humidity. Nor the ridiculous terrain - we're talking rocks, mud, tree roots...And people are gonna RUN here?. The whole time I've only got one concern: LEECHES.

Sucker.

Those overly-intimate, super friendly, always hungry critters. I mean, I have my leech socks on but I wish I had some spaceman suit on instead. It was so difficult to enjoy the surroundings when you're busy looking for signs of blood-sucking creatures lurking. When my colleague finally spotted two - TWO - buggers sneaking up my leech socks (how appropriate), I screamed. Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit. I screamed like a girl (ok so it helps that i'm actually one). I screamed and i yelped and I swear i did a little Red Indian dance. After my colleagues had their fun seeing me in my element, they finally helped me remove them. At this point, we still had 45 minutes of trekking to go. Great. As we came to a clearing and saw light (most of the time we were under green canopies, which is nice but also leech-infested), I was so happy. I figured, "This isn't so bad. Worst thing that could happen now is rain."

Me and my big dumb thoughts.

"Please don't rain, please don't rain..."

Yep, so we trekked in the pouring rain and entered more foliage. Which means...Yes ladies and gents, more leeches. Hurrah. Why don't you just drop a big branch on me and get this slow death over with? We return to the resort (well, that's what they call it anyway), drenched, muddied and exhausted. We head for lunch. As i slip my shoes back on after lunch, i feel a soft, squishy, icky, oh-my-god-please-say-its-not-what-i-think-it-is sensation in my Nikes. Enter scream. Enter colleague calmly removing critter from shoe. Enter me walking back barefoot to my cabin.

Me and the boys at the cabin, preparing for the waterfall hike. See that smile on my face? That's because I'm still leech-free at this point.

Next day, more trekking. This time to the Lipad Waterfalls.

With miles to go before I sleep...

I was promised less leeches this time. But no one expected the knee-deep mud awaiting us. Let's just say my so-called new Nikes are officially seasoned.

We trek and trek and trek. We hear gibbons in the distance and I even saw an Orang Utans' nest for the time. We go through another green foliage area aka The New York City of Leeches, and I feel panic setting in again. This time, I actually catch the nasty critters in full glory on the leaves and grass as we pass by. I can almost hear them:

Sgt. Leech: Attention men! We have dinner approaching! Set targets!
Private Sucker: Affirmative. Target spotted.
Sgt. Leech: Leeches...Up! (all rise)
Private sucker: Suckers engaged and ready to roll...

This better be one hell of a waterfall we're going to. We finally reach our destination and I have to admit...It's mighty purdy. I search my legs and arms...All clear. Leech free!!! I dunno why but i suddenly felt the urge to touch my chest (not in a pervy way, mind you). And i thought for a second,"Hey, i have a third nipple." Wait a minute. And then i think,"Please God, let it be a third nipple."

God was having an off day I suppose. I looked into my shirt and saw Sgt. Leech engaging himself smack dab in my cleavage (of all places). He looked real comfortable there too, the bastard. So you know the rest: Me screaming, trying to remove him, me screaming some more. Sigh. I finally managed to remove it without having to touch it. Now the problem was removing it from the insides of my shirt where I had it nicely 'trapped'.

Me: HAW!!!!! put that camera down and help me here!
Haw: Where is it?
Me: In my shirt...Take it away, take it away!
Haw: Er...you want me to go in there and remove it?
Me: No la, I got it oredi but it's still in my shirt. Stick your hand out and i'll drop it.
Haw: ok (sticks hand beneath my shirt)
Me: (shake shake shake shake) ok got it?
Haw: Yeah...Wah...That's a pretty big one. Wait.
Me: What?
Haw: Don't move...turn around (removes leeches nicely climbing up my waist pouch)
Me: (screaming for my mom). Lipad Waterfall. Ok, at least it was worth the walk.
Post-leech trauma. Yep, there's always time for a Kodak moment.

Almost back to base. Washing off the mud at a neaby river.

Me doing an impression of a racoon. Don't you just love my dark circles?

Haw a.k.a Leech Remover Extraordinaire and me. All good. Till the next trip, Melissa signing off...

Watch this space: Next trip, Mataking Island!

Ever feel.

Ever feel...

like you've entered a dark room
and can't find the switch
and you're groping
and hoping
you'll find something to hold on to?

like someone has reached into your body
and clawed your innards out
leaving you empty
and hollow
with nothing to feel or follow?

like the world is your TV
and you keep changing channels
looking for something worth watching
drama, comedy,romance, crime
anything to pass the time.

like people never mean what they say anymore?
with their promises and vows
and candy-coated sweet nothings
sorry-laden conversations
no more feeling, just going through the motions.

like someone removed the brakes
and everything is out of control
everything, too fast, too fast
too slow, stop, wait, go
left or right, you no longer know.

like one minute you want to believe
and you dare to dream
the good things, the best things
that all of it may come true...
and then realise, not for you.

Never for you.

Lazy ass.

I must get off my lazy ass. If they were giving out Olympic medals for procrastination, I would win the Gold hands down. No contest. I could do it with my eyes closed (in fact, most of the time that's exactly how I do it). I thank God for tomorrows. I never seem (seem being the operative word here) to run out of them. And when I finally do, I kick myself for procrastinating. Vicious cycle. Do I ever learn? Of course not. If i did, I wouldn't be writing this entry bitching about myself.

Here are the things I'm so good at putting a hold on:

1. My car - I love my baby, really I do. I love that she gets me from point A to point B with much fuss. I love her despite her scratches and bumps. However, I have to admit I take her for granted. As long as she's clean on the outside, I never really give her 'insides' much thought. My car has been making funny noises since July last year. Yes, people, July LAST YEAR. And eventhough I know its due for service, I keep saying, "It's still running fine. Tomorrow, tomorrow..." Fast forward to March 2006. That squeaking noise is no longer getting to me because, hey, it sounds like part of the car by now. In fact, I even turn down the radio volume some mornings just to see if the sound is still there. And then my brakes go funny, i get more squeaky noises and my car starts to veer to the right for no reason. Gee, you think it's time for a service? I end up forking RM300 to service my car and replace the shock absorbers. Tulah, dats why.

I kinda miss the squeaky sounds.

2. The magazine - I'm in charge of a tourism magazine. I make sure the stories and pretty pictures are there every month. I make sure the information is updated and the advertisements are correct. That's what I get paid to do. I live, eat and breathe the monthly Sabah Magazine. According to my production schedule, everything should be ready by the 15th of each month. SHOULD be. Again, I count on good ol' tomorrow. You know what really happens every month? I find myself pulling long hours writing and trust me, it's difficult to make a piece sound 'exciting' when all you is for the damn magazine to go to print pronto. Sometimes I feel my writing is affected and that sucks. And when that happens, I tell myself, "Next month, I'll do it sooner." Riiiiight.

3. Dental check-ups - When I have teeth growing out of my eyes and gums the colour of seaweed, I'll make that trip.

4. My Grand Plan - I'm trying to get out of KK. For a while. Maybe a year. I've got it all planned out. It's the execution that's not happening. Why? Because (all together now) there's still tomorrow. I have everything I need sitting on my table. Boring forms waiting to be filled. Phonecalls to make. Interviews to attend. E-mails to reply. Watch this space.

Today. Today I will start making things happen. Be it one baby step at a time. I have to leave. I am losing my heart in so many things here and before I begin to resent everything around me, I must leave. Perhaps the only way I can begin appreciating what I have is to leave them for a while. I don't expect the grass to be greener on the other side. But I do long for a change of scenery.

Oh crap...I just realised my car insurance and road tax expire today. Ok la, I'll get them renewed.

Tomorrow.

F*** this shit.

I wish I didn’t give a shit about so many things in my life. Indifference would make so much difference. I’m so sick of my yo-yo emotions. How one day I get nostalgic about better days and some days I say F*** it all. One minute I wish things were the way they were and the next I’m embracing the possibilities of things to come. Some days I love my job and other days I want to blow up my office.

I know it sounds like a regularity for many people but seriously, I hate this shit. I feel emotionally worn out. Day in, day out I gossip and listen to gossip and eventually get gossiped about. By people I don’t really give a rat’s ass about and yet it annoys me. Why? These people are so insignificant in my life that if they disappeared into a dark hole tomorrow I would be none the wiser. But it still bugs me out of my mind. Ok we all gossip. We know it’s bad. But we gossip. We dislike people (and vice versa) for the stupidest things: the way they dress, the way they talk, the way they breathe. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know. Ignorance is bliss. I’ve already got enough people on my hate list and to see it grow unnecessarily is just an added boulder on my shoulder. I don’t want to hate anyone. Or anything. It’s tiring.

But I don’t want to love neither. Because it’s pointless. However, to contradict myself, I don’t want to have meaningless relationships because it leaves me feeling hollow. I cannot afford to emotionally invest in anyone right now. I’ve been robbed once and it’s an experience I’m not in a rush to go through again, thankyouverymuch. And now, they come with promises of ‘you mean the world to me’ and all that jazz. Until you change your mind. Until you grow bored of me. Until you get tired of characteristics you once deemed ‘cute’. Until it’s time for you to leave. Until you meet that chick with bigger tits. Until you decide your career is more important. Until you decide we’re not compatible. Until you decide the timing’s all wrong. I could go on.

I’m so bugged. I’m not angry. Just bugged. And annoyed. With the whole notion of finding happiness. With people who have nothing better to do than put me down at every chance they get. With hearing stories of ‘she/he said blablabla about you’. With not having enough money to pack up and leave this God-forsaken place. With not being able to please everyone. With making mistake after mistake after mistake. With having expectations only to have them crushed.

Why do i bother?

I’m going home. I’ll feel better tomorrow.

Today's happy emotion was brought to you by the letter F and number 2. Tune in for upcoming episodes featuring the letters U,C and K.

Narcissist.

Ok, hit me:

Mel's Johari Window

Betcha missed these...

You are Maryiln Monroe

A classic tortured beauty.You're the dream girl of many men.Yet they never seem to treat you right

What Famous Pinup Are You?

Tortured, true. I dunno bout the beauty part, haha.

Not a Jealous Bone in Your Body

You're secure, trusting, and giving with friends and lovers. And while you may have been hurt before, you've bounced back.You're generally happy with your life - and no one's grass is greener than yours. One word of caution: some may see your lack of jealousy as indifference!

Are You Jealous?

See? These quizzes can get it SO wrong sometimes...

Your Gemstone is Aquamarine

Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.You inspire others to have faith in themselves.

What Gemstone Are You?

nice.

You Are Most Like Heidi Klum

Girl next door vibe with top model looks

Which Victoria's Secret Angel Are You?

We all can dream sometimes. sigh.

5 things

Ok peeps. Five is the number of the day...

Tagged by Sel

5 Things You Can’t Do
* whistle
* touch my toes
* cartwheels
* fly a plane
* breathe underwater5

Things You Can Do
* make a cat face
* make other stupid faces
* wake up at ungodly hours
* be sarcastic
* wear lots of pink

5 Things That Scare You
* ROACHES
* losing ppl I love
* pontianak
* ROACHES
* drowning

5 Things You Love
* Happy & Sabrina, my cats
* having a good laugh till my sides ache
* retail therapy
* loving someone and being loved *fuzzy*
* my friends *group hug, group hug*

5 Things You Hate
* BAD SERVICE
* bad breath
* being sick
* being sad
* ROACHES

Of trips and treasures.

Hey remember me? I've been a busy (ok and lazy) bee since my return from Manila. Ok, updates:

Manila
The main purpose of the trip was to visit family, some of whom I haven't seen for more than 10 years. My 'little' cousins were anything but little. I spent the weekend at their studio apartment and they showed their Sabahan cousin around. My cousin, Patrick, works part-time for Magic FM, one of the local radio stations and he even got me on the show as a guest! So i did a little Sabah promo, talking about places to see and things to do. And then I got to choose some songs and even met some of the other DJs. One of them, Mike, was nice enough to play tour guide -along with my cousins, of course - during my trip. Mike is a hilarious guy and I was amazed at his broad knowledge of Manila and its history(considering he's not from Manila. His hometown is in the province). He was like a walking encyclopaedia! We visited Luneta Park, the spot where Jose Rizal - famous national hero- was executed by the Spanish, after being accused of rebellion and the like. It's a huge,sprawling park with beautiful statues; the most prominent one being Jose Rizal's in the centre. We drove by the bustling Baywalk along the coast. The whole stretch is filled with dancers,singers and stand-up comedians, scattered with little cafes and restaurants. It's a really busy area and you'd be really lucky to get a parking. We obviously couldn't so we proceeded to drive around Manila some more and stumbled (yes, stumbled, my so-called 'guides' were suprised when we found the place) upon the walled-city of Intramuros. An amazing piece of architecture that goes around for miles. Inside the 'city' are barracks and you can read more about the city's history here. I didn't manage to take good photos of Intramuros because 1) it was dark and 2)my camera sucks.
Anyway, apart from all the touristy things I did, there were LOTS of eating (cheap), drinking (even cheaper) and shopping (hell yeah). My biggest gripe about Manila? THE TRAFFIC. And maniac drivers - no offense but you have to experience it to know what I mean. We're talking about a country with four lanes of traffic on a highway meant for TWO lanes. Heart attack anyone? I came home tired, happy and not as broke as I expected to be. I will be back fer sure! Oh and more importantly, the guys are cute.

Tawau
I was in Tawau from the 23rd till the 25th of Feb. Yes, for work. I visited the Balung Eco Resort (honestly a bit of a yawn if you're not into, er, crop-life), Tawau Hill Park (beautiful waterfalls, giant palms and easy trekking) and Bukit Gemok. That last stop is one I will never forget. I trekked up and down a muddy and slippery hill for a good two hours. For the first 20 minutes, I was worried about leeches and getting my new Nikes stuck in mud. For the next hour and forty minutes, the only concern I had was to NOT slip, fall, hit my head on a giant rock and die. Unfortunately, on the way down, I slipped twice but managed to keep my ass mud-free. The trek actually leads to a 700 metre (or something like that) canopy walk, which gives you a spanking view of Tawau (scared of heights? You might wanna skip this). So after an hour or so of huffing and puffing up that hill, the view was worth every aching muscle in my body. Of course, once we got up...i realised we still had to go DOWN. And this proved to be more of a bitch actually. But you know what? I'm glad I did it. Great way to clear your mind.

yeah, my Nikes were muddied beyond recognition. And they're barely two weeks old, sigh.

KK City Tourism Treasure Hunt
I arrived in KK on Saturday evening and had an early night because on Sunday, i had a treasure hunt to go on. I woke up at 4am. Yes people...FOUR a.m. Even my cats were still sleeping. Anyway, the flag off was held at Nexus Karambunai (some 30 minutes from KK) so we needed an early start to get there in time. Good thing we did too because we were the second car to be flagged off, yay. My team consisted of Charlie (the navigator), Haw (driver), Jusliah and myself. It was a really cool experience and I'd love to do it again. Besides solving clues, we also had some physical and mental challenges to perform along the way. One of them involved lugging a sack of rice across a wooden bridge walkway thingy while memorising the sequence of peaks found on Mount Kinabalu. When you reach the finish point, you have to identify the peaks. We mixed up a couple so we lost some points there. It was a very VERY long day, with some arguments in the car ("I'm telling you guys, we're going the wrong way!") and frustration mounting ("If i don't get something to eat now, I'm gonna bite Jusliah's arm off..."). But more importantly, there were lots of unforgettably hilarious moments and four good friends just having a good time. The icing on the cake was that we won fourth place in the closed category (for sponsored teams). Yay! I would've liked to won third place though...RM1,000 sounds good don't you think? haha yeah yeah, good enough we won something, I know. We got a hamper, t-shirts, sacks of rice (i kid you not) and a day trip for four to Borneo Kellybays for some water sports.

....I still would've preferred the cash.

photo time!

Time check: 6bloody15am (can't tell from our smiles can you?). Team 34, ready to rumble!

Time check: 6:50am. My office sent three teams. These are the monkeys. Still fresh and unaware of the horrors to come.

Time check: 9am-ish. Me and Jusliah going mental with the clues.

Time check: 220pm. The final challenge, The Blowpipe. We missed so Charlie had to eat a live sago worm so we could score at least five points. Yum.

Time check: 520pm. Getting restless in the ballroom so snapped my shoes. You can still see the muddy bits from my Tawau trip.

Time check: 530pm. Is this gonna end yet? Need. Sleep. Now.

Time check: 6pm. Yay. Time to go home and fight over the hamper's contents.

Manila.

Well, I’m off to Manila for a short holiday and to visit my relatives. Haven’t been there for 10 years now and I’m pretty excited about the trip. I leave tomorrow, Thursday, and will be back on the 14th. I don’t really have an itinerary but among the must-do will include shopping, visit at least one tourist-y place, hang out with my cousins and check out the night life. For as long as I can remember, each trip to Manila was mainly visiting a shopping mall and staying cooped up in my grandma’s place, located light years away from the city centre. This time around, I really want to see more of Manila. I mean, it’s embarrassing that my mum’s from there and when people ask me where they should visit when in Manila, I draw a blank. Er…My grandma’s house?

Trip aside, I’m working half-day today. Got stuff to clear up as usual before I go on my holiday. On a more somber note, my brother in law’s been in the hospital for the last three days, compliments of dengue fever. The whole family is understandably worried and we’re all pulling our weight to help my sister out during this rough time. She shuttles back and forth to the hospital several times a day and has three kids at home to worry about on top of it. So my parents have been taking care of my nieces and to put it in a nutshell, everyone looks like zombies due to lack of proper rest. Since my parents are out of the house some 22 hours in a day, I’m in charge of making sure the house doesn’t burn down and there’s some sign of life in the Leong residence. My sister was supposed to join us on our trip to Manila tomorrow but that’s definitely a no-go. Although my parents and I are excited about the trip, I don’t think we’ll really rest easy until my bro in law is truly out of the woods. Get well soon, Nick. Ok friends, time to get back to work. Sorry I’ve been out of the blogging loop for a while but given the circumstances, I hope you understand. More tales of the traveler when I get back next week.

Oh and if you celebrate the commercialism, emotional pressures and misleading romanticsm of Valentine’s Day… Happy Valentine’s Day in advance. Bah, humbug.

Useful Info About Mel. Not.

It's a quiet Thursday, the bosses are out so....Quiz time!

You Are a Feminine Beauty!

You make any guy feel like a man, simply by standing next to himYou have a classic womanly appeal - and you've got a look for every occasion.This doesn't mean that you can't kick back in (designer) jeans and sneakers.You just prefer to be girly and sweet as often as possible

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Girly and sweet. *bats eyelashes*

Your Toes Should Be Pink

You love to dress girly and work your feminine charms, with a bit of an edge. Your ideal guy: Is confident enough to get any girl he wants Stay away from: Jerks who only see you as eye candy

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

OMG, I'm wearing pink nailpolish RIGHT NOW! Like, wow, these things are SO true. Let's see the next one...

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

Girly is the word of the day.

You Are a Strawberry Blonde

Men see you as flirtatious, but they also see you as a challengeBecause you're totally fearless and carefreeYou've got the lightheartedness of a blonde, with the attitude of a redhead

How Blonde Are You?

Yay, strawberry blondes, like totally rule! Awesome.

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Underwear

You enjoy the simple things in life and aren't hard to pleaseYou have an understated, easy sexyness that men loveAnd you're confident enough to pull it off - without being overbearing

What Kind of PJ's Are You?

Useful information when I come back in my next life as pajamas. Moving on...

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We saved the world. I say we have to party."

What Superheroine Are You?

Buffy's a strawberry blonde. How about that. Ok last one, I promise:

You Should Date A Swede!

You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one.It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling.Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave.While making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

A cute blonde who will give me unwavering love AND makes me pancakes and meatballs? (hopefully not on the same plate though...yuck). One way ticket to Sweden please!

Rant.

I have been having 'ugly' days. I'm not talking about your run of the mill bad days. I'm talking about days when you feel so ugly you want to put a bag over your head. It feels like nothing looks right. My clothes make me look fat, my hair is limp and we won't even discuss my skin. In a nutshell, I feel ugly.

And you know what doesn't help at all? People pointing out your imperfections. It's like saying to someone in a wheelchair, "You mean you can't walk?" Thanks for pointing it out, Einstein. I was at my old office yesterday and bumped into an ex-colleague. We were chatting and she began asking, "So you're out of the office a lot? Like into the jungle and everything..."

"Sometimes,"I replied. "Yeah, poor you, they keep you so busy that you don't even have time to take care of your skin." I pause, grit my teeth, resisting the urge to stab her with the pen in my left hand. She continues,"You used to have such nice skin when you were working here...It's so...different now."

Wowee you clever cow, I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't told me. After all, I only look in the mirror everyday. And people keep reminding how much weight I've put on. Thank you for your powers of observation but maybe someone should tell you about your bad breath/BO/lack of manners/visible panty line too.

I hate my skin so much. I don't know how it got this bad (before i continue, I really don't need the whole 'you should be grateful you still have arms/legs/a roof over your head etc' speech. My bimbo moment, I'm gonna indulge). Some people might not find it a big deal but it stresses me out so much. So much so that I find myself staying at home more so I don't have to meet people with my horrid skin. I'm trying almost everything I can get my hands on, from hundred dollar lotions, to pills, to cat pee (ok this one's not true but I'd do just about anything any this point). And it hurts. Not emotionally, I mean my face physically hurts. It's sore and uncomfortable.

I didn't go to work today. Well, sort of. I had to get the magazine done at our printer's office and once that was accomplished, I didn't feel like heading back to work so I went home. I crawled into bed with a pounding headache, still feeling ugly and slept it away. Except it hasn't gone away and I wish I could spend another day in bed.

Perhaps I should mention that I'm having pretty bad PMS right now, hence the ranting. Whatever. I figured maybe blogging about it might make me feel better.

Nope.

Friday the 13th. Hooray.

Friday the 13th. The coolest day of the year. Because it's deemed so unlucky I find it necessary to prove otherwise. So far the day...macam biasa saja.

So here's what's been going on in Fridaycat's life:

Work - Same old, same old. There are days when the creative juices run dry. Sigh. And online games like Zuma beckon. I'm finding it hard to get my engines running. Maybe it's the start of the year and things are still a bit slow in the office. Which is a good thing. Sort of. I'm actually feeling a bit (shall i say it?) bored with my work these days. 2006 might be the year to move on. Watch this space.

On the social side - Attended a birthday party last Saturday. Lots of free wine, beer, Chivas flowing like there's no tomorrow. So yes, it was definitely one I enjoyed. I stayed away from the pool for fear of making a literal splash in my drunken state. But I wasn't drunk, mind you. Just happily tipsy. It was...an eventful night, not necessarily for me alone. Apart from the party, I've been hanging out with pretty much the same peeps but these days, I've stayed true to my 'selfish' resolution. I only see people when I want to and not when I'm expected to make an appearance. There's a sense of liberation in doing my own thing when I want to and, more importantly, if I want to. (I also notice I'm getting less invites though so I guess some people aren't too agreeable with my anti-social stance these days, haha). I'm going for dinner with my colleagues tonight (seafood!) followed by a night at -where else- Shen's with my cousins.

Love life - hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...*wipes tears* Ok, seriously, let me put it this way: I'm trying something new and we'll see how this pans out.

Travel - I'm going to Manila this February to visit my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins. It's been ten years since my last trip so I think it's time I touched base with my mum's family. My grandma comes down to KK quite a bit so I still get to see her every other year. I love her to bits. She's the kind of grandma that spoils you rotten, tells you stories about your mother when she was a stubborn teenager and reminds you that you're the most beautiful thing in the world. And my cats love her. How can you not? Apart from that, I might be heading to Aussieland later this year. Still in the pipeline...

That's it folks. Oh and I finally have Streamyx. Yes, I've been in the land of dial up all this while. So sad kan. Been downloading so much nonsense since broadband came into my life. Ah, bliss.

"You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love."
-Rob Thomas, Ever The Same. Check out the acoustic version.

Liar liar, pants on fire.

Men lie. I didn’t need an article to tell me that. Women lie too but men…They lie with finesse. There are good lies and bad lies. Lies you tell to keep the peace but it backfires if the other person finds out you were lying. Welcome to a place we call ‘between a rock and a hard place’.

I came across this article this morning and I was just compelled to share with. The Top 10 Lies Happy Husbands Tell. So what is it trying to say: That these husbands stay happy thanks to the lying? Ok, let’s not go there. Husbands/boyfriends/male species will inevitably lie. It bugs the hell out of me because it makes me realise there isn’t a single honest man out there. But this article (I hate to say this) had some pretty good points. Here’s an excerpt:

"Sure, honey, that dress looks fine."
Why he tells it: Hassle avoidance
Men employ these "forgivable fibs" not just to avoid hurting you ("Of course you don't look fat in that outfit") but to make their lives easier ("I think that wallpaper looks great") and to steer clear of trouble ("I guess Cindy Crawford's 'sexy' in a conventional kind of way, but she's not my cup of tea").

"I was not looking at her boobs."
Why he tells it: To achieve a delicate balance between marital harmony and 4 million years of biological conditioning
No matter how long you've been together, I guarantee your man hasn't stopped being attracted to other women. You can't promise to stop liking chocolate -- only to stop eating it. When a good-looking woman walks by, he notices. If her skirt is momentarily caught in a crosswind, even a legally blind man will get whiplash.
Guys are responding to millions of years of biological conditioning. Why bother lying? Because it's obvious our looking bothers you. "This is what I call a 'blessed lie,'" says Kovacs. "Men are given more license to acknowledge a wandering eye, but at the same time, we have to always treat our woman as if she's the only thing in our field of vision."

Okay, I admit this one bothered me. I UNDERSTAND the logic but I don’t like it. And I personally know of guys who aren’t bothered that their looking at other women (in front of their significant others mind you) bothers their girlfriends. What kind of jackass attitude is that? Check out other women, by all means, but have the decency to do it behind our backs at least. It’s disrespectful and rude.

"My old girlfriend? She was just okay."
Why he tells it: Self-preservation
What details from your past become common property when you marry? A man is duty-bound (and legally bound, usually) to tell his wife if he's ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease or fathered any tykes. Beyond that, it gets hazy fast. Does his wife have a right to know how many women he's slept with? Or how good it was? When privacy-minded guys are faced with probing questions, you can guess what happens.
"My wife asked me if I'd ever cheated on a girlfriend," says Bob, 32. "I did, once, but it was an isolated thing. I'd never do it again. But women think 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' so I told her no. I hated lying, but I felt like what she was really asking was, 'Would you ever cheat on me?' And that question I answered truthfully."

Read the whole article here.

Although it gave me better insight, the article strengthened my conviction that all (ok 99.9 percent of) men are liars. Big, fat ones. And for our sanity, best to feign ignorance and carry on with our lives. Yeah it’s great they want to keep the peace but the fact remains:

1. Your man will look at other women.
2. One day, you will leave the house looking hideous because your husband wanted to ‘keep the peace’ by saying “You look lovely.”
3. You’ll never really know the whole truth.

So girls, you don’t REALLY have to tell him the truth neither. Most women are smarter because they don't tell lies at all. They just don't tell.

What you don't know can't hurt you, right?

“yo i'm lying to my girl
even though i love her
and she all in my world
i give her all my attention
and diamonds and pearls
she the one who makes me feel
on top of the world
still I’m lying to my girl i do it
and i lie and i lie and i lie and then i lie
till there’s no turning back.”
-Black Eyed Peas, Don’t Lie.

She blogs!

Ok so everyone's tired of the basic panties/brainy girl entry. Sorry people, I've just been plain lazy and occupied with festivities over the last few weeks. More importantly...I'm back!

NewYear, schmoo year. So how was yours? I spent it with friends at Blue Note. In a nutshell, it was an evening of booze, buddies and shaking booties on the dance of floor. The countdown was a blur, thanks to the alcohol. All I truly recall that night was that I had a great time and the tequila shots made the night even better, haha. Thanks Mia!

Resolutions. Why do we bother making them? So we can break them of course! Ok la, this year I JUST might stick to them. Ok maybe just one. We'll see. For the heck of it, here are my so-called resolutions (ehem, inspired by Sel).

1. Drink more milk - Stronger bones and teeth maketh a woman healthy. I'm not even thirty and I already hear my bones cracking with every sit-up (ok maybe with every morning stretch as I hit the snooze button for the fourth time).

2. Eat healthy - haha. Worth a try.

3. Exercise more - Hey, I travel five flights of stairs five times a week. Do you? Now i resolve to do it SIX times a week.

4. Be more selfish - It's all about me. Deal with it. Me me me me me me me me. Screw what everybody else wants.

5. Learn how to use Quark Express - Oh yes, this I might actually pull off. (Contrary to popular belief, quark is not a cross between a quack and a bark- That i can already do. It's a graphic design software).

6. Leave - ...my job? KK? well enough alone? I dunno. I'll fill in the blanks later.

That's about it for now. As you can see, I'm not off to a very inspiring start. To be honest, I greeted the new year with apprehension, anxiety and trepidation (albeit in a drunken state). My past year hasn't been a bag of whoop-dee-do so I'm hoping this year will be better. I'll be 27. Wow.

Twenty seven. Dua puluh tujuh. Yee sap chat. Yep...Looks like whatever way I put it, it still sounds older than 26. Snort. What the hell. I'm still wondering where 22,23,24 went. I've chucked my five year plan out the window but one thing remains for sure. In five years time...

....I will definitely be 32 years old.

Ya, I so clever, I know.

Happy New Year everybody.

Mel and Mia being happy.

Pussycat, Pussycat
I've got flowers
And lots of hours
To spend with you.
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose !
- What's New Pussycat?, Tom Jones. Any song with the word 'pussycat' in it gets brownie points from me.