Meow Meow Purr Purr

Therefore I change.

2012-01-30T13:54:00.000+08:00

I need a new suitcase.

2012-01-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

I promised myself this would be a year of inspiration and what better way to be inspired than to travel. The first month of the year has barely passed and I've already booked my flights to Melbourne, Singapore and Sydney so far. Plans could change but I've got to set my gears in motion. I often catch myself saying, "I wish I could, I wish I could...." when in truth I CAN but I sabotage myself before I even try. Let's try to change that, shall we?

So, baby steps. The H and I are off to Singapore first to catch Wicked the Musical. Yes, obviously it was my idea. Singing witches? Check. One of them is green? Check. Do I know most of the songs to musical? Check.

Would've been awesome to see Kristin Chenoweth as Glinda the Good Witch and Idina Menzel as Elphaba but I'm sure the Aussie cast is just as good.

Of course, to be fair, we'll be catching this guy (and his equally amazing band members of course) rock it out at The Padang in Singapore:

Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. The H is a big-time Nirvana fan too - so double yay for him to see this man in action. I can't wait. I'll be the chick jumping to Monkey Wrench and swaying to Everlong (our wedding number!)

My bags are packed. Time to rock n roll, 2012.

Living in my head

2012-01-26T18:03:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I find myself trapped in the confinements of the most toxic, uninspiring, fear-filled place I know:

My mind.

The power of thought is amazing. It grips you, frees you, cripples you and makes you imagine the most unimaginable things. This, my friends, is both good and bad. In my mind, I am able to do great things. Like stand on a balcony overlooking the Aegean Sea, dive the depths next to a Manta Ray, huff and puff my way up the Macchu Picchu, perform in front of thousands on Broadway or write an epic novel from a tent in Africa.

The problem is, in my mind, I worry about the death of a loved one, of being alone and unloved, of dying horribly in a plane crash or getting stuck in a massive traffic jam for days and days. Ah yes, the mind is a funny thing.

Most days, these days, I listen to the worries. I live on the edge of Paranoia Street and Panic Avenue. I'm one step away from being the Mayor actually. I'm so contented living in my head that it makes zero sense to take a risk in Reality Land.

I take occasional trips to silver-screen fantasies and fantasy-spun tales of travelers, lovers, witches and monkeys. These places are safe to me. I am in control with a touch of the remote or flip of a page. I can skip to the happy parts, the parts where people are rescued or find enlightenment, and problems are solved after a song and dance.

And then I retreat back to the dimly-lit, damp but cozy corner of my mind. It's probably sunnier out there but for now, I'll just open the windows and enjoy the view from where I am.

Plus, it's rent-free.

Inspire me.

2012-01-02T00:22:00.005+08:00

After a combination of caffeine, a 3-hour afternoon 'nap' and plenty of reading, I'm inspired to write about my inspirations at half past midnight.

1. Books - Naturally, a good book - read once, twice, even three times - is a continuous source of inspiration. The way words mingle, mesh, intertwine and effortlessly glide to form a seamless prose never fail to amaze me. I love the storytelling candor of Neil Gaiman, Judy Blume, James Patterson, Justin Halpern and, of course...

2. Paolo Coelho - I first fell in love with his words when seredipity brought a copy of 'The Alchemist' into my hands back in 2003. I was a journalist then and during one of my 'man on the street' interviews, I ran into a couple of travellers - an English boy named Hugh and a good-looking German called Philipp (yes, he had two P's at the end of his name). I ended up having coffee with them and quickly became friends. As I said goodbye to Philipp at the airport, he dug into his rucksack and handed me a worn out copy of The Alchemist. I still remember the sand trickling out from between the pages as I flipped through. "It was so nice meeting you. I think you will enjoy this book," he said. And that's how my love affair with Coelho's work began. His book changed my life in so many ways and he continues to inspire me. When I need to make sense of nonsense, I turn to Coelho's books.

3. Tony Fernandes - An unlikely hero so it would seem, especially here on my blog. But love him or hate him, how can you not be inspired by the T-Man? I've gotten to know his story a bit better through documentaries and articles and seriously, you have to admire the sheer determination and relentless drive of the guy. True, his confidence is often read as arrogance but at the end of the day, he's having the last laugh. And like all inspiring success stories, he has seen his share of falls. But I'm always more interested in how they rise. He built his airline empire at the age of 37 with ZERO experience in the airline industry. If you asked him to jump, he won't just say how high. He'll probably add, "I'll skip, tumble and backflip too."

4. Gwen Stefani - I've never been quite the fashionista but I often turn to Gwen Stefani when it comes to couture of the quirky kind. I would NEVER think I have the capability of pulling off the stuff she wears but she completely inspires me to be a bit more daring. Her Galliano wedding gown is my favourite wedding dress of all time. I even wanted to do something similar for my wedding but I could not find any bridal designers who dared to attempt the pink fade-out look at the hem of the skirt. Tsk, wimps. Gwen is my fashion icon. It's not the about the trends or the labels - It's how pulled together she always looks - great hair, face-on and those signature red lips. Even when she's chasing her kids in the park. Now that's the kind of style I always look up to.

5. A great view - How cliched, right? A writer is inspired by a great view. But how true. I can't tell you how many of my favourite articles were written because of a stunning vista. I'm a sucker for the sea and the sound of the ocean waves slamming the shore. A tall glass of mai tai on the side doesn't hurt neither.

6. Richard Branson - Sorry, SIR Richard Branson to you. Forget prime real estate - he bought himself an ISLAND. Another guy who made something out of nothing simply because he dared to try. A man who will draw circles when everyone prefers squares. And he just keeps on going.

7. Katy Perry - I fell in love with this woman the second I heard her. I love unapologetic women because it's something I've aspired to be all my life - and I'm not even halfway there. Her voice is pure magic and her devil-may-care quirkiness makes her even more endearing. Her stage presence is magnetic and her marketing skills, amazing. The first female artiste to have 5 number one singles from one album - rivaling Michael Jackson. I love Katy Perry. And I would never apologize for that.

So, what inspires you?

Here's to another 8760 hours

2011-12-31T15:52:00.003+08:00

But of course there's going to be a New Year's eve entry. If there's anything I'm good at, it's being predictable, no?

Whether or not we keep them, let's admit it: Resolutions are fun to make. With 2012 looming and despite talk of the world ending, here are a few I hope to see through:

1. Write more. I feel like my passion for writing has taken a backseat in the past year. With bills to pay, I had to focus more on the money-making projects and put my creative juices bottled for a bit. While I can't complain on the moolah I made, part of me feels like a sell-out for not really pursuing what I love most: creative writing. Not writing for a website or copywriting a brochure. Writing children's stories. Poems. Short stories about a psychotic teenager poisoning her best friends. You know...fun stuff. On that note...

2. Attend the Ubud Writer's Festival, October 2012. I got to know about this event through a fellow literati and missed 2011's do. That said, she gave me a head's up for 2012 and by-golly-suck-a-lolly I'm gonna do my best to attend this one. It would be great to go with a fellow writer (who can put up with my quirky travel habits and nervous flying disorder). Let's see how this goes.

3. Babies. Come on, I'm sure you saw that one coming. To be fair, I actually achieved this (twice mind you) in 2011 - almost, but not quite. I'm far from giving up and although I get a little nervous thinking about this journey again, I am hopeful. WE are hopeful. And your prayers and kind words have not gone unappreciated.

That's it. And if I fulfill 1 out of 3, that calls for celebration. This year has been a test of strength for me. It's the last day of 2011 and I'm still standing so yes, I am blessed to have another year.

Raise your glass and may it always be half full.

Merry Christmas, baby.

2011-12-13T23:24:00.004+08:00

As I began to cross out the boxes on my desktop calendar, I came across a date in December I had marked a couple of months ago. I drew a smiley face on that date and for a moment, I couldn't remember the significance of it.

So I backtracked a few weeks, and then a month. And realised I had marked that date as a reminder that I would be three whole months into my pregnancy and would be able to announce it to the rest of my family and friends. I was extra excited because it would be Christmas.

I've been coping well since my second miscarriage, I must say. Mainly because I've thrown myself into work and projects, which won't allow me any time to sit around and go, "boo hoo poor me". But today, flipping through that calendar, it all came flooding back.

It still pains me to think of my babies who never came to be. In my mind, they are perfect, healthy and happy - but not ready to be with us. This Christmas, while I will remember my loss, I will also appreciate my blessings, no matter how fleeting.

Merry Christmas, baby.

The Colour of Courtesy

2011-11-21T11:31:00.004+08:00

I spent a few days at a 5-star beach resort in KK with the H - just to get away from the craziness of everyday life (but that's another blogpost altogether). The resort is absolutely breathtaking and the service is hospitality at its best.

We were probably the only non-tourist guests at that time and the staff kept asking if we were Korean or from Hong Kong. None the matter, we were treated wonderfully during our stay until we started hanging out by the poolside. You get the usual spatter of Caucasians sunbathing topless (face down of course) and the Korean family frolicking in the pool or the quiet Japanese enjoying the sun. And then there was us: The two local Sabahans just wanting to get away from the city and the usual faces. However, when we walked by looking for available sundecks, a waiter would run up (i kid you not, RUN up) to us and ask, "Excuse me, may I have your room number?" and we would of course give it to him.

I didn't give it any thought until our next visit to the pool. Again, as I was slathering on sunblock a waiter came up to us, "Hello, what is your room number?" and I gave it to him, slightly annoyed. I decided to sit back and see if they did the same to other guests visiting the pool. A silver-haired Australian couple sauntered by and sat down. No waiter asking for their room number there, instead they were being served drinks immediately. Another Caucasian couple came by and even 10 minutes of wading in the pool, no one asked for their room number. Hmm.

Half an hour of swimming later, I decided to soak some rays and moved to another deck chair just behind ours. As I settled in with my book, the same bloody waiter/poolboy comes along and says, "Hello ma'am, may i have your room number please?"

ARE YOU F******* KIDDING ME?

I'm sorry, did I just transform into an unrecognisable person after that dip? Did you not just ask me this? At this point, I am convinced it's simply because a) I'm not white and b) I speak English but don't have a pretentious foreign accent. I told him my room number AGAIN and he says, "Oh sorry sorry, you moved seats?" Well done, Einstein, did you figure that out all by yourself?

Now I'm really starting to get pissed off. Yes, everyone else has been extremely pleasant to us during our stay but I'm really getting sick of being suspiciously questioned each time I lounge by the pool. And no other guests are getting this treatment so it really makes me wonder. Is it because only a local would 'sneak in' and abuse the facilities? Is it because there is no way a local could afford a RM1,200 per night room? Is it because I don't matter as much because I tip in Ringgit and not US Dollars?

It pisses me off when some foreigners look down at us Asians but it pisses me off EVEN MORE when our own people treat us like shit. Tidak sedar diri kah? Why are you tripping over yourself to open the door or carry the luggage of a Caucasian woman and not care less about the woman in a tudung, struggling with her 2 year old and lugging her luggage? Sincere common courtesy should apply to everyone across the board - no matter what currency their carrying.

It's called being a decent human being.

Quiet.

2011-10-30T18:11:00.002+08:00

Do laundry. Meet clients. Write articles. Laugh. Drinks with friends. Do brunch. Go for a pedicure. Read magazines. Walk the dog. Attend meetings. Make money.

But all I really want to do right now is close my eyes

lie in bed

and be very still.

The lights are on but I hope you understand if nobody's home.

Snap.

2011-10-30T11:15:00.003+08:00

Here's a portrait pic of yours truly. The H wanted to do some test shots with his new equipment so I became the willing subject. It was past midnight, I had just finished an emceeing gig and I was tired as hell. But hey, anything for the camera.

Vanity. It's my favourite sin - Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Haters. You gotta love 'em.

2011-09-20T00:44:00.003+08:00

This is a year of many things but it will not be a year of holding my tongue. Or in most cases, my words.

Perhaps it should excite me rather than rile me that my words cause such a stir. I have never been one to ruffle feathers - in fact, I'm the person who glues the feathers together so they don't so much even flutter. Maybe it's my age. Maybe my hormones. Maybe the luxury of having more time to think, sit and write.

Or maybe it's me just giving the world the finger, thinking, "You know, I CAN have opinions."

I can't blog about my past - even if it's, GOD FORBID, the truth - for fear of knocking certain people off their pedestal? I can't express my rights as a consumer if I have an opinion about your lacklustre service? I can't tweet about food/religion/sex/monkeys unless it jives with your opinion?

How is it that I have found myself in a position where the demons of my teenage years are back to haunt, taunt and guilt me? And an internal e-mail, which miraculously found its way to the wrong hands, has led to a possible lawsuit on grounds of defamation? (by the way, I stand my ground that you are a completely arrogant and lousy vet - yeah, great, you gonna sue me now for 'implying' I'm talking about you?)

But as I said, perhaps I should see this as a compliment. After all, who would Salman Rushdie be without the Satanic Verses? Or DH Lawrence without Lady Chatterley's Lover? Or even JK Rowling without the Harry Potter series (for crying out loud...witchcraft? sorcery? anti-Christian? really?). Controversy isn't always a bad thing. It makes people think, ponder and sometimes, even face demons they never knew they had.

So I guess I'll continue to write whatever churns my butter. You don't have to agree with my thoughts and opinions. And if you hate it, I'm flattered that you even took the time to read it. That's five minutes of your life you'll never get back, so technically.... I win.

Haters. You gotta love 'em.

Baby do. Baby don't.

2011-09-02T12:39:00.002+08:00

So those of you who know my story are aware that the H and I are trying to have a baby. And those of you who know my story are also aware that we recently succeeded but unfortunately lost the pregnancy. Dr. C - a very kind, professional and caring doctor, I might add - advised that we wait a whole cycle before trying again. "This happens more often than you'd imagine and these patients of mine go on to have very successful pregnancies," he consoled me while I choked on my sobs in his clinic. He held my hand, handed me a tissue and told me he was sure he'd see me again in a few months. Bless him.

Almost a month has passed and we get by with our lives. I've mourned my loss but I need to look forward. And I must say, the past few weeks of taking it slow has been refreshing. Apart from a few unnecessary dramas, I'd say we're doing pretty okay. And now a cycle has passed and the H and I look at each other pensively as we decide the next step. Too soon? Later? Now? Physically, I feel much better although my hormones act like they've been on a five-day rave party and are now suffering a major hangover.

We want a baby. No questions about that. But the past month has been great without the calendar-marking, ovulation-testing, diet-watching and whatever else TTC entails (TTC = trying to conceive. I've been reading so many books and articles, you catch the baby-making lingo fast). But we don't want to waste much time neither. So baby do, baby don't? Who knows anymore. So at this point, we're just forging ahead, fingers crossed and minds open. It has been too stressful planning our life around a possible pregnancy (oh we can't travel in December cuz I might be pregnant, oh we can't spend money on that because there might be a baby coming soon...).

Right now, we're just grateful to have each other. A baby may or may not make its way into our lives but in the meantime, we will focus on the awesomeness of being together, uninterrupted.

If baby makes three, I'm sure we can handle that too.

Fool.

2011-08-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

Nice girl. Good girl. Don't say bad things. Be diplomatic. Accommodate. Say yes. Be helpful. Be generous. Be kind. Layan. Layan. Layan.

Lean forward. Show interest. Ask questions. Show you care. Care. Always care. Concerned. Bend over backwards. It's ok, really. My pleasure. I insist. No, I'm not busy at all. Must be liked. Liked by everyone. Is she angry at me? Go make her happy.

Nice girl. Good girl.

Fool.

I choose strength.

2011-08-10T11:31:00.000+08:00

Flutter by, butterfly

2011-07-28T12:18:00.003+08:00

Flutter by, butterfly
You rest upon me so swiftly
even before I can admire your wings
your grace, your dance

Flutter by, butterfly
You flew away too soon
without so much as a graze upon my cheek
or whisper upon my skin

Flutter by, butterfly
I knew you could not stay
You ride the passing breeze
and turn to say goodbye

Flutter by, butterfly
you were not meant to be
I know you'll flutter by again someday
As butterflies always do

Flutter by, butterfly
Our tears will dry, you'll see
I'll hold you close again, my child
but for now, fly high

fly free.

I thank the Lord for giving me such joy even though so briefly. Thank you for your prayers.

Sometimes.

2011-07-04T21:26:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, it's okay to not read classics and just flip through another man-centric issue of Cosmopolitan.

Sometimes, it's okay to not know the GDP of Myanmar or the birth rate of India.

Sometimes, it's okay to not have an opinion about which political party could potentially lead the way for our country.

Sometimes, it's okay to confuse Michelin 3-star gourmet ratings and Michelin tyres.

Sometimes, it's okay that you're not sure how to spell exaggerrate...exageratte...exagger...?

Sometimes, it's okay to not want to spend a weekend reading to the orphans, volunteering at the animal shelter or sorting your garbage for recycling.

Sometimes, it's okay to toss the gluten-free, tastes-like-rubber muffin out the window and dig into a Big Mac. With fries. And extra mayo.

Sometimes, it's okay to say no simply because you don't want to do it. Even though you could. So don't.

Sometimes, it's okay not to listen to 'musical legends' like the Rolling Stones, Janis Joplin or Bob Marley, because frankly, the Spice Girls are more fun.

Sometimes, you need to realise nobody is watching or listening. And if they do, they probably don't care.

It gets so tiring to be so many things to so many people for so many reasons. Economies will not crash, a species will not go extinct and an angel will not lose it's wings if I choose to sit back, drink tea and paint my nails pink.

For just one day.

Biting the bully bullet.

2011-05-22T13:48:00.003+08:00

On a laid back Thursday night, I did my usual channel surfing and landed on a made-for-TV movie about a teenage girl being bullied by her so-called friends. So this movie isn't going to win any Oscar nominations and the theme of rising against bullies has been done over and over again but this time, it really struck a nerve.

As I watched the protagonist of the movie go from hanging out with the popular girls to being sent hate mail after overdosing on sleeping pills that went along the lines of, "Wow, you can't even do THAT right," it was a reminder of how cruel teenagers could be. And somehow, unleashing itself from the crevices of my subconscious mind, was the memory of my secondary school days ...

And the bullying I experienced.

Over the years, I've managed to bury this ugly part of my life. I have refused to remember, let alone acknowledge, the fact that I had let myself become the target of teenage hatred and ugliness when I was 13. It wasn't until I watched the movie did the bits and pieces of that horrible time come back to me.

Me. Bullied. Can you imagine it?

I come from an all-girls school, which can prove to be the best AND the worst schooling experience, trust me. Teenagers can be cruel as it is but teenage GIRLS can be the evil incarnate itself. It was sometime in the beginning of Form 1 when it all started. It was a stressful time for any 13-year-old: the transition from primary to secondary, meeting new people in a new school, finding your identity which could potentially stick to you for the next five years.

I thought I had it quite good. Me and my 'best' friends managed to land spots in the school of our choice and we would be best friends forever and ever and ever. I had done well in primary school, having been class monitor and Prefect all my life up to then, placed top 5 in class during every term exam, represented my school in oratory competitions (and undefeated champion thankyouverymuch) and was even awarded Best Student of my school during my final year in primary school. I was the Nerd Supreme!

Little did I know that everything I had achieved was slowly working to my disadvantage. I was naive not to realise that my 'friends' were not happy with the attention I was getting. Tagged a little 'show off', having my mum teaching in the same school did not help. It just gave them more ammo to hate me. And it all came to a climax when we entered Form 1.

Long story short, a pathetic rumour began to spread: Melissa Leong stuffs her bra. In hindsight, I should be flattered that I was filling out so convincingly that my flat-chested peers thought I was PADDING my bras! The whispers and pointing began, the snide remarks and, in true gossipy fashion, more nasty statements. Melissa Leong is fat. Melissa Leong should run home to mummy and cry. Melissa Leong has the worst handwriting. Melissa Leong is so stupid at math. Nobody wanted to sit with me at recess. I got chosen last for teams at sports. Eyes rolled whenever I raised my hand in class. I had never felt so unwanted and alone in my life.

And all those girls who were supposed to be my 'friends' had turned against me. It didn't help that one of those girls was the Principal's daughter, so I knew going to the teachers or any adult would make no difference. I had gone from having so much to having an absolutely lousy time in school. There were two camps: those who hated me and those who were indifferent - I'll give them credit for not feeding the rumours but they didn't quite back me up neither. That's me, aged 13, sitting next to the class teacher. It takes a lot to knock that smile of my face, biatches...

I was one hell of a miserable teenage girl. I cried almost every day and dreaded going to school. It got so bad that one day, I begged my parents to let me stay home. I begged and I cried and I pleaded with all my heart. Which was when my dad realised something was very wrong at school. I told them everything and felt such a release. My parents were so upset that they didn't blink when I asked them to transfer me. My dad started looking at other schools and I was all set to transfer to All Saints' when word got around to the Principal. I then got called into her office along with her daughter. What transpired from that meeting remains a blur to me but I do remember her saying, "Oh such a pity to see your wonderful friendship go to waste over a misunderstanding", her pooh-poohing my plans to transfer as 'drastic' and we were made to hug and make-up there and then. Next thing I know, I'm in the same damn school for the next five years.

It haunts me to this day the 'bullying' was played down to a 'misunderstanding'. And it bugs me that I forgave and forgot so easily. These 'bullies' swept everything under the carpet as if it never happened and some 20 years later, I'm still supposed to call them my 'friends' when I run into them in the street. But I must state that during this tumultuous time, I did have a couple of friends who stood by me (one of them was my cousin and the other monkey is still my closest confidant until today).

I think I buried this memory so far and deep because I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I could ever be a victim of bullying. Only losers and the weak get bullied right? How could I have been an over-achiever, please everyone and STILL be bullied? It was the anti-thesis of bullying.

It took me almost 20 years to understand the simple truth: Losers and the weak don't get bullied. They ARE the bullies. They played on my insecurities to feed theirs. There was nothing I could've done to prevent it (short of binding my breasts lah but even that's no guarantee).

So yes, I was a victim of bullying. No shame in that because it has made me who I am today. And seeing the losers they've ended up marrying, failed attempts at decent relationships into their 30s and the boring people they've become, karmic retribution paves the road for me to move along. Thanks for being such bitches - you've made me realise I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. And yes, I still have awesome boobs.

Hell-phone

2011-05-11T18:43:00.003+08:00

I am thisclose to chucking this piece of a$$-wiping, c!@k sucking, father-mucking piece of crap out the window, into the ocean, swallowed by the pits of never-ending hell.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let me recap.

As of late, I have discovered how technology has become more of a bane than a boon in my daily life. What used to be a tool that allows me to communicate with the world on a more regular basis with ease has turned into an invasion and molestation of my private existence.

In other words, I'm constantly hounded by never ending calls, text messages, BB messages, emails and the like. And why yes, they're all URGENT.

It seems that in today's world, having a smartphone (which is anything but in my opinion) seems to indicate that you are now literally available 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Calls and smses used to be bad enough but now with instant messaging and e-mails coming through directly, communication has never been an uglier bitch.

Why oh why, pray tell, do people think that just because I own a Blackberry, I am expected to be 'on top of' my e-mails, calls, smses and instant messaging? I don't recall signing a contract with my telco provider that states I shall henceforth be surgically infused with the smartphone of my choice till death do we part.

The irony is, I grew fond of my Blackberry because of the convenience in terms of dealing with my clients. They could send me inquiries and I could get back to them almost immediately. I stress: ALMOST immediately. Or at least I could send them a reply saying, "Got your email. I'll get back to you this evening." Good enough, right?

Apparently not. These days, when you get an email, text or instant message, you are expected to get back to them in the next five seconds or, heaven forbid, your genitals will rot and fall off. Do people EVER consider that maybe I'm not sitting in front of my phone, staring at the screen, going "OOOH I can't wait till someone gets in touch with me!" When I discover the art of eating, shitting, showering, driving and having sex while replying e-mails, I will let you know.

So while I am so so so grateful that the mobile phone allows me to communicate with the human race, I will not be enslaved to it. I cannot answer the phone at any given second nor can I reply a 2-page email using the pathetic excuse of a keyboard on the Blackberry.

So please understand that when I cannot attend to your calls or texts immediately, I am just busy going about my daily life and its routines. And sometimes that is far more urgent than any e-mail.

The Anti-Plan

2011-05-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

Everything I've wanted in life did not arrive in neat little packages on the dot. In fact, everytime I planned something, it never went according to schedule.

So perhaps I am The Anti-Plan. It seems that everything I DON'T plan will happen. But how do you unplan a plan so that it becomes unplanned?

I know the whole Coelho-esque mantra of the universe conspiring to help me and I appreciate it, O Great Universe. It's worked out well so far so there must be some truth in that. I just need to find the faith, patience and strength to believe that, goddamit, everything does happen for a reason.

In the meantime, I'm going to have another Mai Tai and see if I can squeeze Bali in August.

The Marrieds

2011-04-14T16:38:00.003+08:00

Everytime I tell myself to let go of this one, it haunts me like a bad Britney song. Just to recap, some of you might have heard my ranting about a certain family member who has officially stopped hanging out with me on the basis that I've gotten married. I said this before and I'll say it again:

what the hell is his problem.

Way back when, the two of us used to hang out quite regularly each time he came back for a visit from KL. And I admit, i enjoyed his company and we always had a good time. Two years ago when news of my engagement got to him, his exact words were, "What's this I hear about you getting engaged?" 'Congratulations, I'm so happy for you' didn't make an appearance throughout this conversation, mind you.

Long story short, he was actually disappointed I had decided to settle down. He thought I was someone who 'would go places, do big things' but instead I was choosing to 'get married'. And, oh my lord, how this bugged me to no end. Was I LESS of an interesting person because I had met someone I wanted to share a life with?

I tried my best to not let it get to me. But a few months ago, when I realised i hadn't heard from him for a while since my wedding, I texted him to see how he was doing and if he would like to have some drinks the next time he was in town. His reply? A blatant 'No'.

He went on to say that he had nothing in common with married people. That, apparently, married people only talked about babies, housework and began sentences with "WE think..." or "WE believe...". So, no, he didn't really want to hang out with me anymore on the simple basis that I had done the most horrific act possible: Get married.

First of all, I was hurt. He was my cousin, after all. And then, I started getting angry. How completely juvenile! How insanely ignorant could he be? And what kind of lame-ass boring married people did he know to come up with a stereotype like that? But after a while, I started to feel sorry for him. Obviously, this guy had issues. A commitment-phobe who hides behind his smug singledom - and who better to take it out on if not his married friends. Was he bitter that we had significant others and he was still searching? Or were all his relationships such a disgrace that instead of bringing out the best in him, they just made him more cynical and hateful? People often think married people carry an air of self-righteousness and treat their single friends condescendingly. But my oh so single cousin has managed to prove that sometimes the shoe is on the other foot.

After a while, I've decided to let him go. I feel sorry that our relationship has soured simply because he has chosen to be judgmental. I know that my real friends are those who will stand by me regardless of my marital status and would love me even if I dyed my hair blue and tattooed 'Toyol' on my forehead (I don't know why I would do that anyway). I know what defines ME and if you can't see past my wedding ring, shame on you.

By the way, I can't wait to attend HIS wedding.

Cubaan, cubaan, satu, dua, tiga...

2011-04-12T18:19:00.002+08:00

Sejak kebelakangan ini, aku sering membuat kerja-kerja penterjemahan dari Bahasa Inggeris ke Bahasa Malaysia. Walaupun penguasaan Bahasa Malaysia aku tidak seberapa, aku tekad mencuba. Aku begitu teruja sehingga mendapat insipirasi untuk menulis blog dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Inilah cubaan pertama, kalau silap dan salah, tolong maafkan.

Tidak ada perkembangan yang mendadak dalam kehidupan sederhana aku, hanya projek dan kerja menulis menjadi temanku setiap hari. Aku duduk berpandangan dengan skrin komputer riba yang hanya mampu berkelip sebagai tanda perhubungan. Otakku bergeliga dan Kamus Dwibahasa Oxford Fajar merupakan kitab bahasa yang menjadi panduan dan pembimbing dari subuh ke senja. Oh begitu penat otakku diperah! Bilakah keseksaan ini akan berakhir? Namun, aku terus berjuang, dengan wang sebagai motivasi. Kita kena berhadapan dengan realiti : Wang membuat dunia berputar. Dan maka dengan fakta itulah, aku terus menghadapi cabaran penterjemahan dari siang ke malam.

Sampai di sini saja kisah aku pada hari ini. Anjing belum makan dan piring perlu dicuci. Ya, sudah tentu blog kali ini ganjil tapi kadang-kadang keganjilan itu menarik, bukan? Sekian dan salam mesra dari saya.

ITALIA!

2011-03-15T12:48:00.013+08:00

My Italian pilgrimage in photos. Let me warn you that these are not in order because I cannot be bothered to move them around. Oink.

So on the 6th of February, my parents, my brother Johann and I took a trip to Italy (along with 33 other people from KK - it was a tour group organised by my brother's company). The 10-day trip was a combination of things: tiring, long, amusing and fascinating. I discovered that my fear of flying is getting worse with age but I'll save that ramble for another entry. In the meantime, these are snapshots taken during my visit to Rome, Florence, Pisa and Assisi. Bellisima!

Yep, i'm going straight to the highlight of the trip: A visit to the Vatican City. St. Paul's Basilica, the biggest church in the world, is - for lack of words - mind-blowing. You see it in photos, movies, postcards but nothing prepares you when you actually step into the building. I found myself silenced at the greatness of it all - i couldn't take photos inside because my camera wouldn't do it justice. I really need a proper DSLR for moments like these, eh? The Basilica is one place I will be returning to.

We managed to be a part of the special audience with the Pope, which takes place on Wednesdays. I thought he was going to be on the balcony waving to people in the square but turns out it was inside a large hall where he addressed everyone in four to five languages! We received a special mention too 'The pilgrims from Malaysia, we welcome you' - wah, so glamour.

Here he is, Pope Benedict XVI.

I'm somewhere in the 15th row from the front. The hall had about 500 people - the atmosphere was electric.

The Swiss Army Guards. Yes, they have weird looking uniforms but a fascinating story. These guards are specially chosen from Switzerland for generations for a reason - There was once an attempted assassination on a Pope (i can't recall which one) and there were these 12 men who just happened to be visiting the Vatican on vacation. During the commotion, they protected and saved the Pope, sacrificing their lives for him. And yes, they happened to be Swiss Army Guards. So since then, the Vatican City exclusively hires Swiss Army Guards for their protection.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa. A major tourist attraction to say the least. You can go inside the tower but I didn't have time. Plus i was worried i might tip it over :P

For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of this church but I was fascinated by the prayer steps. Devotees will say a prayer on each step until they make it all the way up on their knees to the top.

The Vatican Museum was one of my favourites. We only had a couple of hours in here when in fact you'd need a whole day to appreciate everything. Next door was the Sistine Chapel - no photos allowed. I WAS IN THE SISTINE CHAPEL!!! Ya i'm a geek but it really was exciting.

Just to show you how much a typical meal would cost. That's in Euros mind you so that comes up to about 9 Euros a meal and 2 Euros for a cappuccino = RM45.00. Anyone's wallet bleeding yet?

One of the many temples converted into a church. It's like a movie set, I tell you. Too beautiful to comprehend. SO beautiful that I forgot the name of the place.

In Florence, a very vibrant and artsy town. This is a church from the Gothic era, the Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore, the cathedral (Duomo) of Florence. Unlike Renaissance architecture, the Gothic era is a little more 'cold' and dark, ie no fancy lines. I'm no architecture expert but the difference is obvious. For lack of better word, it just seems a bit more...creepy. Still, another piece of work that you cannot stop ogling at.

The medieval town of Assisi in the distance. Home of St.Francis.

And of course....monks from the Franciscan order!

The visit to Assisi held some significance to me being a St. Francis Convent student all my life. To learn more about his origins and way of life brought special meaning. Very humbling actually. Another place I would definitely come back and spend more time in.

Yes, it's true. Almost everyone rides a Vespa in Rome.

Basilica of St. John Lateran. The scale of the architecture and attention to detail, again, swept me off my feet.

You can see plenty of Egyptian obelisks around the city of Rome. I admire how the people appreciate and conserve their ancient buildings and monuments. It brings such character to a place.

Pasta in Italy? But of course! They go really easy on the spices and flavours, surprisingly. Nothing like what you get here in our local Italian joints. Some of the pasta we had was quite bland for my liking.

Tivoli Gardens - one of UNESCOs World Heritage Sites. This huge mansion holds the only natural water fountains in the world. All the fountains you see here are not manned by any equipment - only fresh water from the mountains and springs. Sangat amazing.

You tell me that's not gorgeous.

The historical Tiber River.

The Arch of Constantine, built in 315 and IT'S STILL STANDING. Why lah we cannot even handle a clock tower? Anyhoo, this was built just outside the Coliseum to commemorate Emperor Constantine's victory at the Battle of Milvian Bridge.

The Pantheon - remember Angels and Demons? This was originally a temple for the Sun God and later in Christian times, turned into a church. There is a huge hole in the middle of dome which acts as a sun dial - back in the day, they used this tell the time. So ingenious. This was one of my favourite stops - I even bought a sketching of the Pantheon as remembrance.

Speaking of sketching, you see plenty of artists and students settled in front of the many buildings and monuments with their sketchpad and easels. Made me think of The H and wishing he was there with me.

Aquaducts! I almost leapt out of my seat when I saw this. Being a huge Roman Empire-type game fan, I was super excited to see an actual aquaduct. This babies were used to supply water around the city. Not very easy to construct but another testimony of Roman civilisation at its best (plus they are a bitch to build when expanding your empire).

Just striking a pose in my leopard-print turtleneck and leather boots trying to look local. Of course, my Asian hair and face kinda gave it away.

THIS is what the stylo Italians look like. They dress impeccably 24-7. Completely fell in love with Italian style. They are effortlessly chic.

Our guide for the first 3 days, Eros. Yes, he looks like Pavarotti. No, he wasn't very nice. Maybe it's the way he talks but after two days of, "FASTER FASTER, WHY YOU WALK SO SLOW???!" in our ears, we got tired of him real quick.

These cobbled roads outside the Coliseum are original - yep, over 2,000 years old! Maybe Sabah can learn a thing or two about constructing roads that don't need a patch up every two weeks...

Just outside the Coliseum are these grounds which served as a 'hospital' for injured or dying gladiators. After a battle, those who didn't die would be rushed here and receive medical attention....So that they can fight in the next battle ASAP. Gory stuff.

A cold day in Rome. My only regret is not having enough time to see the inside grounds of the Coliseum. Ah well, gotta save some experiences for my next trip, right?

There you have it. I can happily scratch off Italy on my 'To Visit' list. But I think i've moved it to my, 'Must Return To' list.

Lent

2011-03-09T10:57:00.002+08:00

And so Lent rolls around for us. A time of abstinence, sacrifice and reflection. In the past years, I've tried to be a better Catholic by observing lent and giving up some form of indulgence or vice for forty days. I gave up meat one year and although it was hard the first couple of weeks, it gradually became easier - however, when i say 'meat', I mean purely meat and not fish and seafood so I wasn't completely vegetarian. Another year I gave up alcohol and, trust me, this wasn't easy. It was during a time in my life where almost every social gathering took place in a pub and for 40 days I was Miss 'I'll just have an orange juice'. And somehow it's always less fun being the only sober person in a group of tipsy. A couple of years ago, I refused to indulge in gossip or listen to any idle talk about other people for 40 days - i must say, that was actually quite refreshing.

This year, I'm doing something a little different. Since I don't smoke or drink that much anymore, it would be meaningless to give up the usual tobacco and alcohol package, right? So this time around, I've decided to focus on something a little more internal. These days, life is full of 'white noise' - whining, complaining, arguing, gossiping, bla bla bla. And that's just from MY mouth. I do get sick of hearing my own voice, I must admit, and I believe I need to give more thought of what comes out of my mouth and listen more to what the world is trying to tell me.

Therefore, this year for Lent, I am dedicating an hour of silence every day (when I am awake of course - or else that's just pointless). That means no phone calls, no TV, no music, no internet, no distractions for an hour. Just 60 minutes of silence, in reflection or in prayer or simply just pausing for the day to think and gather my thoughts. I'm not expecting to grow a halo at the end of this but it's something I feel strongly about at this point of my life.

May you find a moment to pause in your buzzing life. Have a blessed Lent.

She lives!

2011-03-01T15:22:00.003+08:00

I'm back. I'm alive. I'm just a world-class procrastinator. Updates soon, promise! In the meantime, a sneak peek of my Italian trip:

More photos soon. Ciao!

Change of address.

2011-01-25T16:17:00.001+08:00

No internet. No cable TV. No coffee table. Yes, we're moving into our new home hence the silence. It's been about a week and so far, so good. Everything in baby steps. I'd love to move into a house that has everything ready but where's the fun in that? heh.

So excuse me while I unpack the gazillionth box marked 'office/bedroom/kitchen/bathroom/anywhere appropriate.'

Hope your days are all happy, happy, joy, joy.

Note to fickle-minded, scaredy-cat self:

2011-01-14T15:49:00.002+08:00

OMG why can't I just chop my hair off??? It's just hair. Grab those damn scissors and just DO IT, woman!

Money and Matters

2011-01-10T21:19:00.004+08:00

Ever since I traded my 8 to 5 desk job for a freelancing life, I must confess it hasn't been without its highs and lows. And although I've blogged numerous times about the highs outweighing the lows, there are days when the lows are just, well, kinda annoying.

The H and I are both freelancers - him with his design work and photography and me with my scribing - and every month is a roller coaster of 'Ok how much do we have this time?'. I won't lie: There are months where the jobs keep coming in and there are months where we both have to survive on one project. That said, we've managed to keep afloat for more than a year - and we had a wedding to boot!

Yes, I love the freedom and the flexibility of being on my own but I will confess that my hands tend to sweat at the thought of the other F word: Finances. Especially with a new home on our hands (which reeks of adult responsibility, yikes) and our baby plans in the not-so-distant future. So imagine my surprise when a lucrative job opportunity presented itself. It was a high-profile post with the government (let's just say my boss would be a politician). However, it would require me to sign a two-year contract and relocate to (oh yes you would've guessed it) KL. Plus I get to travel. But what honestly made my ears perk up was the impressive basic salary. And that was just 'BASIC' salary, mind you.

I started doing the math in my head - well, tried to do the math anyhoo. The H and I sat down and discussed our options. Could we really just pack up and go? After all our networking here? Fixing up the house? Taking on those projects? Tell our clients, "Uh, buh-bye, sorry" ?

Honestly, of course we could.

And then we started to envision our lives in KL. Both of us working long hours, commuting and me travelling. The high cost of living. And of course, it would mean to put our baby plans on the hold for a couple of years. Would that money be worth it? He asked me, "If you weren't married, would you take the job?"

And I told him, "In a heartbeat." But I continued by telling him that I AM married and while a time ago I would've up and left without a second thought, I know exactly what my priorities are today and I don't have a single regret. And while the allure of the money is indeed tempting, the urge to stay where I am and making the most of what I love is far more appealing. That big, fat paycheck isn't going to let me wake up slow, do what I love for a living while surrounded by things that matter most: My family, my friends, my home and of course, the love of my life: My cat, Blanket. Hahaha, i couldn't resist, sorry. So I decided to turn the opportunity down and I sleep well with that decision every night.

Although I'm not exactly having strawberries and champagne for lunch (eww, why would I want to anyway?) or living it up in a big city, I think my life is pretty damn awesome right not. My bank account may not be bursting at the seams - but I've never felt richer.

Resolutions a.k.a Stuff I'd like to accomplish this year but need to summon the willpower and discipline

2011-01-05T23:32:00.010+08:00

I looked back on my older entries to see what new year resolutions I came up with back then and which ones I actually accomplished or stuck to. Wellll....I HAVE started working out more and I finally left my job (ok, so these resolutions took five years to accomplish but hey I got there somehow!). I even had one year where my list included 'drink more milk'. That didn't last a month by the way.

Ergo, the simple solution to increase the probability of sticking to one's new year's resolutions (and yes,I'm starting to sound like the guys from The Big Bang Theory) is to create more realistic, pragmatic and convenient ones. Let's see:

1. Fix the dent in my car: I went to a friend's wedding a couple of years ago and someone did a 'dent and dash' number on my Wira. It's still there, making me look like a careless driver, tsk tsk. I really should get it fixed this year.

2. Travel: I say this every year and I am proud to say, it's the one resolution I've never failed to fulfill. I can cross Vancouver, Canada off my list and this year, I'll be heading to Italy. *check*

3. Do something to my hair: I keep this vague because 'something' can range from a two-inch snip to platinum streaks. Or, thanks to a moment of boredom and too much free time, perhaps something ridiculous like this:
or how about this:
....Ya right, as if I had that much hair. If all fails, I can always go old school:

And I kinda like making a statement:

Ok, I digress...

4. Make a baby: This is one project that might actually be fun, heh heh. No pressure but the H and I have decided it's time to start planning.

5. Improve my Mandarin: Notice how I didn't say, "Learn Mandarin and master it". I'll be happy if I can muddle through a sentence without insulting somebody's mother or horse.

6. Cook better: I don't want to raise a family that feeds on instant noodles and soft-boiled eggs. I'm getting there and I'm actually enjoying myself in the kitchen. Sometimes, I cook in there too.

7. Spend more time with people who enrich my life and less time with people who bring grief. 'Nuff said.

and finally...

8. Drink more milk. Haha kidding. And finally, continuously strive to be more at peace with the person that I am. I find that as I get older, this gets easier. I have a lesser urge to please or impress people and you discover the people who matter accept you just the way you are. If only I knew this when I was 16.

Here goes nothing.

New year, new you.

2011-01-04T00:13:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Yo, I've finally stepped out of the Stone Age and changed my blog look. Okay so it's nothing drastic but it's a start eh? Just a heads up that I might be jumping here and there with my blog design so bear with me.

The only big 'oops' is that I didn't know I would lose all my blog comments. More reason for you guys to leave new ones! Happy new year. Here's to change being a good thing.

Ho ho ho

2010-12-26T22:44:00.002+08:00

Hope you all had a jolly one. Christmas blessings to all who pass here. Thank you for being my constant company during my inconsistent chatter.

Vancouver in a para.

2010-12-19T20:31:00.003+08:00

Vancouver was awesome. I'm still jet-lagged. I will never fly Philippine Airlines again. I would like to visit Canada again but this time during summer. I hate the cold. But it was a nice change of climate.I went skiing for the first time at Whistler. I'm still trying to catch up on sleep so pardon the staccato-filled entry.Will be back. In the meantime, here's one of our gazillion photos taken at Whistler - the venue for this year's Winter Olympics. I didn't know that till I got there - ignorant much?

Pack light? Me? Please.

2010-11-21T18:01:00.003+08:00

There are some things in life, try as I might, I am not able to do:

1. Wear a push-up bra without looking like I had surgery

2. Eat duck and go, "Oh my god, this is DELICIOUS!"

and

3. Pack light.

Yes, my bag is on the right. The H's is on the left. I don't pack light. Never have, never will, simply because I can't. To quote Sel en route to the gym one day, "Oh my God, are you moving into the gym? What's in your bag? *opens bag* And you don't even have your gym shoes in here!!!"

So yes, I don't pack light. There are several very valid reasons why.

1. Over-prepared VS under-prepared - Seriously, I'd much rather pack a spectacular evening dress that I'm not sure will be put into use rather than showing up at an impromptu dinner event in jeans and yesterday's checkered shirt. No amount of accessories will dress you up in that.

2. Toiletries - I'm not a snob but I'm not a fan of hotel toiletries. I've been to hotels that provide L'Occitane shower gels and yet I'd still rather lug my RM5.50 LifeBuoy anti-bacteria body wash. See?

3. Make-up - Leaving my make-up bag at home is as good as leaving my wallet and passport. Are you kidding me? Face the world bare-faced? Trust me when I say I am doing the human race a favour by putting on make-up before I step out everyday. Scary. Oh and the basic fact that I'm vain of course. No apologies there. (What, you don't know me yet?)

4. Underwear for every occasion - I categorise my undies. Sleep undies, walk-about town undies, nights-out undies, gym undies. And then there are bras....

5. Shoes - On average, I bring 3 pairs of shoes per trip. Walking, heels and flip flops. And if there's a gym, my running shoes of course. So that's four.

6. Variety - ....is indeed the spice of life! I cringe at the thought of being photographed in the same blue blouse throughout a trip. If there's space in the suitcase for a little black dress, a little green dress and a little pink dress, they're going in.

7. Shopping space - You mock me and my large suitcase but I usually have the last laugh when other people are trying squeeze in their last minute shopping into their chihuahua sized bags. Bodo.

and of course...

8. I'm a woman - Ok so it's a stereotype but women generally pack more than men. My husband can fit five days worth of clothes into his backpack. Go figure.

Good thing we have 30 kilos a piece for this trip.

Buzz.

2010-11-16T16:47:00.009+08:00

Behind a quiet blog is a busy blogger, no? And I can prove it:

Haw and I have been blessed with projects aplenty but one of our most enjoyable one has been a stint on Mabul island last month. Haw provided most of the design work and I did the copywriting for the proposal (a company hired us to help with their Island Wedding set-up). And to make life easy, they asked us to model for their marketing brochure and website! Ok la, so we’re not exactly Brad and Angelina material but hey, a job is a job. To top it off, they let us keep some of the shots – which were taken professionally by Melvin Ho (check him out at www.melvinho.com).

Before the sunset shoot on the deck. Haw and I taking a moment to say 'Cheese!'

Okay it's NOT what you think. Melvin and Haw getting the lighting right before the main shoot.

All work and no play? Not my style. Gearing up for my snorkelling session. See that smile on my face? Moments later it's going to be wiped away thanks to an encounter with dozens of baby jellyfish.

Perfecting my pout. Statue-style.

While in Mabul, I got a call from my former employers about an emceeing gig in

Brunei

. Would I take it, they asked? Hell yeah. I spent some 5 days in the kingdom of Brunei and although the currency exchange rate is a killer (2.3 to 1 ringgit! It’s like going to

Singapore

) and ‘night life’ pretty much means having shots of coffee at Starbucks (“Woo hoo caffeine high I’m a WILD child!” *dancing on Starbucks table*), my trip wasn’t too bad.

My standard dinner as I watched re-runs of 'How I Met Your Mother' in my suite. Beef lasagne. I also had a lot of kebabs because it was the quickest, easiest and most affordable thing to grab on the go. I highly recommend Hungry Joe's in Brunei.

The 4th Sabah Travel Fair at The Mall, Gadong. Crowds were aplenty every night. We had a total of five cultural shows, which was the highlight everyday.

Emcee on standby. Yes, of course sempat to smile at the camera.

In action AND you will be super duper impressed to know that I emceed completely in Bahasa Malaysia! Fuyoh. Although my friends said I sounded like a TV3 News Presenter (no that wasn't a compliment), I think I did a decent job and no one went, "Apa dia cakap tu?" ("What is she saying?")

I was told that The Mall in Gadong is one of the most happening places to be in Brunei. It's not bad but the ceiling distracted me. I can't decide it the plane is flying into the mall or out of it.

Oh i probably should mention that we literally battled several elements during our trip: There was a fire in the mall the day before the launch (which delayed our rehearsal), there was a crazy monsoon storm the DAY of the launch and I ended up having to request for a driver to pick me up from the hotel even though it's only a 3-minute walk away (i don't think the soaking baju kurung look suits me) and the next day, the heavy rain caused major leak which drenched the carpeting of the event hall. Jeng jeng jeng. All we needed was a landslide and we would've covered almost all of the Captain Planet elements (earth, wind, water, fire...and heart -but please, that's not even a real element).

Flew back on Royal Brunei. I love flying on RBA. Always a pleasant flight. And it doesn't smell like instant noodles.

I've also been busy helping out SPCA here in KK. The obstacles are never ending but the rewards are priceless.

And when I'm not busy helping save other furry friends, Haw and I are occupied with another furry friend who will be moving with us when we move to our new home. Meet the over-enthusiastic Peanut. He acts like he's won a million bucks everytime he sees us. Bless him. But if he starts eating my heels, he better have damn effective puppy-dog eyes.

My cousin Chombe and her husband Lulut welcomed so-not-camera-shy Alullah Sawayo Gom. Ready to be spoiled silly by your gazillion aunts and uncles?

And last but not least, ladies and gentlemen, I have a VERY important announcement to make. After trying not once, not twice but thrice, I have succeeded...............

....in acquiring my CANADIAN VISA!!!! Vancouver-bound for three weeks, bay-beh! Cold weather be damned, here I come.

Gazundheit.

2010-11-08T21:41:00.002+08:00

Back from Brunei. And i caught a nasty cold. All that damn air-conditioning - I put it at 30 degrees, it still felt like I was camping in an igloo. Only in this part of the world do you put on more layers of clothing indoors than outdoors. Go figure.

In the meantime, am still too drugged up to be blogging about my trip. But stay tuned!

Mabul and back

2010-10-22T17:56:00.002+08:00

Sorry, I've been away. But when work beckons at a place like this, it's hard to complain:

I spent four days at Mabul island working on a wedding project. Although our wake-up calls were at 5:30am and I found a sea snake in one of the ladies' washrooms, it was a great trip. Didn't even feel like work! Now that's what I call a job :) My only regret? I don't dive. Time to get that scuba license...

When the going gets tough..the tough grabs a drink.

2010-10-09T17:12:00.004+08:00

Today, I discovered the importance of having a bottle of wine on standby.

A glass to go. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to rant. Have a drink and forever hold your peace.

Back in the day.

2010-09-26T23:06:00.006+08:00

I can't fathom what girls see in Justin Bieber, K-pop boy bands or the whole Twilight craze, to be honest. And just when I start to get all grown-uppy about it, I think about MY bout of teenagerism:

New Kids On The Block

oh my god, I would have given my left arm to meet them (ok maybe my right arm because I'm left handed). Before N'Sync, the Backstreet Boys and Super Junior (did i get that right?), they were THE boy bands of boy bands. Left to right, Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood, Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight and Joey McIntyre. I was a 'Donnie Wahlberg' girl. He was the 'bad boy' I suppose. I can't explain the attraction - He just did it for me. And yes, I can still sing to all their songs word for word.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers

Helllloooo, Captain Planet anyone? "When the five powers combine, I am CAPTAIN PLANET!" Lemme see...It was,"Earth, Fire, Wind, Water...Heart!" I think the 'Heart' bit was just thrown in cuz they didn't know what to do with the Latino kid. I was always rooting for the Asian chick, naturally.

Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul before American Idol. Waaaay before. "Straight Up", "Forever Your Girl", "Opposites Attract" with Mc Skat Kat and "Rush Rush" - The video had Keanu Reeves in it, yum. She was a solid dancer, no doubt. Not the best vocals but she had fantastic screen presence. She gets so much bad press with American Idol but I bet there's a whole generation out there who can't appreciate her for the performer she was.

And last but not least....

Beverly Hills 90210 baybeh! Not the super glitzy one you see today (although,as I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I am a not-so-closet fan of the next generation version). I remember having to record some episodes on videotape - yes VIDEOtape - because I was homework-bound and not allowed to watch TV at 8:30pm (TV2 no less). The Walsh twins were played by Shannen Doherty and the very-cute Jason Priestly. The girls loved Luke Perry's character, Dylan McKay, but I was very much the Brandon Walsh kinda girl (I think i had graduated from liking bad-boys ala Donnie Wahlberg at this point...hmm). It was a fantastic show until they started bringing in new characters and the old ones started to disappear, as it happens in most long-running series.

Oh, to be 14 again.

Worry.

2010-09-17T15:30:00.002+08:00

At this rate, I am going to worry myself to death.

About things that might happen.

Things that might not.

Things that should. Or should not.

Even things that have.

I worry that I worry too much.

Jolly.

2010-09-15T17:27:00.003+08:00

A year ago, I bid farewell to my six-year stint as a magazine editor and senior publicity executive to pursue my freelancing dream. Now I'm a creature of habit kinda girl and 'routine' is my safety net. I get nervous ordering anything other than 'lemon teh ping' at the coffee shop. So yes, my life is a constant ball of 'excitement' as you can see. Saying goodbye to a steady monthly income and benefits filled me with trepidation but turning 30, I knew it was now or never. I didn't want to be 60 and saying, "Maybe I should resign..."

Do I regret it? Hell, no. Has it been easy? Of course not. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't have to make some lifestyle changes. It didn't help that I had a wedding to pay for, a house to renovate and a year-end trip to Canada to budget for but hey, how can I complain? Not having my thrice-weekly happy hour drinks or buying another pair of pink pumps are small sacrifices to meet the greater need (er like getting married and moving into our own place. You think?). For sure, there are things I miss about the corporate life - like getting ready for work in the morning (for real!), socialising during after-work drinks to bitch about the boss and cool perks when travelling and reviewing for the magazine.

That said, in turn I DO love being able to wake up slow (as Jack Johnson recommends), work as and when I please and having the creative liberty with my craft. And although I don't recommend it for everyone, I quite enjoy teaming up with my husband for work. Makes good economic sense: We worked well back in our former office, why not do the same now? And it's great that we both understand each other's financial stand given the circumstances. So we've agreed that we have to let go of the bigger luxuries for now (his dream Celica, my trip to Greece) and settle on the simpler things (a weekend trip to Watsons to buy shampoo, buying DVDs - buy 5 free 1!).

Yang penting, jolly.

It's spelled Piranha not Pirahna.

2010-09-13T17:27:00.006+08:00

*warning: Spoilers ahead!

Seeing that the selection of movies at the KK cinemas leave much to be desired in the last 30 days or so, Haw and I were left with either the latest installation of Resident Evil or a remake of the classic Piranha (which I have been misspelling all this while until I took a good look at the poster. Nuff said). Zombies or killer fishies? Hmm. Good thing it's me because I swing both ways, baby! But we took the road less taken (and risky perhaps) and opted for Piranha 3D - which is completely misleading because it's NOT being screened as 3D in KK as I write this. Boo.

It's been a while since I've been inspired to 'review' a movie (I would never claim to be a professionale but here's my two cents anyway) and my oh my did this movie inspire me. Bearing in mind it's an Alexandro Aja film -the mind that brought you P2, The Hills Have Eyes and Mirrors - I was quite excited to see what his twisted mind had in store. I remember watching the 1978 version when I was a kid and it freaked me out for a while. All grown-up but still afraid of the dark, I knew the 2010 adaptation would not disappoint.

Fluff aside, the story tells of a scientific anomaly where there's a shift in the ground that releases prehistoric flesh-eating piranhas into the lake where, but of course, hundreds of teenagers are spending their much-anticipated spring break. Four words: Worst. Spring. Break. EVER.

Nobody pays attention to the Sheriff (played by Elisabeth Shue), of course ,and all hell breaks loose. "I am the Sheriff. Check out my biceps!" - Elisabeth Shue pulling a Linda Hamilton

There are some great lines in the movie. A kid yells, "SHARK!" at the first attack and someone actually retorts, "Who yells Shark! at a lake?". Ya, sempat lagi bah kan. Anyway about 70 percent - no, 75 - revolves around bikinis, boys, beer and boobs. Oh and this:

Yep, a wet t-shirt competition. I think it was scenes like these that gave the movie the 18 rating and not so much the blood and gore. I could almost hear 50 wet dreams happening at the same time in the cinema.
The other protagonist in the movie was a scientist played by the unimaginatively named Adam Scott. It was hard to take him seriously at first because I kept picturing him as the obnoxious 'Derek' from Stepbrothers (i love that movie).

And before you brush off Piranha as another B-grade movie, there were some notable faces, including Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames AND Christopher Lloyd - the paranoid Doc Brown from Back to the Future.

Ok so this movie isn't going to win a Golden Globe. Probably not even a Razzie. But it is pure horror cult classic blood-guts-and-gore genius - IN 3D! (note: eventhough I didn't get to watch in 3D, this movie was built for the 3D effect which, i am sure, would've made the movie even more enjoyable. Sekian dimaklumkan).

"Look Bob, our main dish has arrived!"

And the build-up is worth the wait. Halfway through the movie, you can't help but WANT the hormone-raged annoying teenagers to just die already. They did not disappoint:

I never cheered so loudly in the cinema. Love it or hate it, you cannot deny the artistic genius in the way these kids are mauled, ravaged, eaten, bitten, maimed and just finished off. Be warned: It is not for the faint-hearted. I love my gore so this was like an alcoholic being in a brewery.

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie for several reasons. I love the simplicity of this genre, which is almost textbook yet never fails to attract an audience. Classic. I was also pleasantly surprised at the quality of dialogue and selection of cast - the script is at times sharp and witty. And finally, every now and then, I need to watch a movie that doesn't leave me pondering on the meaning of life as the credits roll. And it's okay if Kate Winslet or Al Pacino aren't in it.

So how does it end? It ends predictably unpredictably. You'll just have to watch it to see what I mean.

Skinny jeans.

2010-08-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a pair in their wardrobe. You know. That blouse, those jeans, that dress from way back when you were a size skinny and a half. For the record, I've never been skinny skinny. I've been skinni-er than what I am today. But never so skinny that you'd want me on a runway (then again I'm not that tall neither but that's a different blog post altogether).

So here are these jeans.My beloved Esprit low-rise jeans that hug each fleshy morsel of my existence just right. I love these jeans. Love them. And I should know because I own at least 6 pairs of denim jeans (out of which I only wear one religiously and, alas, it's no longer my Esprit pair).

Anyhoo, I call these my 'skinny jeans' for a few reasons. One, for the obvious reason I used to fit them when I was skinnier. And, two, they actually make me FEEL skinny. I should also call these my 'Magic Ass' jeans because woo-hoo! my ass finally makes its presence known in these pants! I bought them back in 2006 - actually they were a gift from my good friend Dillon. Thanks to the gift vouchers he oh-so-graciously presented me because he conceded, "I have NO idea what to buy you so buy yourself something nice!" Bless him.

Back to the jeans. I don't recall the moment they suddenly 'refused' to fit but I remember the realisation: Oh shit, my skinny jeans have turned into my muffin-top jeans! Since that woeful day, I've retired those jeans to the back of my closet and optimistically told myself one day I'll fit into them again. Today, something compelled me to dig those jeans out and confront my demons.

In fact, I took a deep breath (a damn deep one so I could suck my gut in) and put them on.
Yes, I could zip it up. No, it wasn't comfortable. Yes, they still make my ass look good. No, I am still in no shape to wear it in public.

I hung my skinny jeans back in the closet but this time in full view. So that everytime I open it, I am reminded that I've still got to earn my way back into those jeans. It's my motivation to get back to that 'Happy Body' place. What's your 'skinny jeans'?

Struggling writers. Not.

2010-08-23T19:05:00.004+08:00

James Patterson - one of my favourite authors.

You think at least one of these peeps started out as peanut-paid freelancer? One can only hope. According to Forbes.com , here's the top earners in the literary world to date (figures in USD) :
1. James Patterson ($70m) - I'm not a big thriller-whodunnit fan, but I like his style. 'Kiss the Girls', 'Along Came a Spider', 'Cross' - just some of his good ones.

2. Stephenie Meyer ($40m) - Twilight. Enough said.

3. Stephen King ($34m) - Master of the macabre. Twisted minds DO pay.

4. Danielle Steel ($32m) - Come on, admit it, you've read her stuff. It's the one your mum stashed under her pillow, most likely with a plot involving a damsel not-so-in-distress, a tragedy in the family, an evil mother in law and, you guessed it, a happy ever after.

5. Ken Follett ($20m) - I've never read his work, truthfully.

6. Dean Koontz ($18m) -I'd hate to know who has worse nightmares - him or King.

7. Janet Evanovich ($16m) - Romance. Not quite my genre of choice.

8. John Grisham ($15m) - Ah Grisham. Didja know he was a baseball player (well, college level anyway), accountant and a lawyer (A lawyer? No way! :P) If his name isn't ringing a bell, go rent 'The Client', 'The Firm', 'The Pelican Brief', 'The Chamber'....You see a pattern here?

9. Nicholas Sparks ($14m) - The Notebook! Okay so I'm no romantic-literature fan but how can you not be a schmuck for The Notebook?

10. JK Rowling ($10m) - Happy Potter, I'm sure she is. And now that it's all ending...I wonder what's next for Rowling?

I'd almost sell my soul to be on that list. Imagine a life of raking in the big bucks while sitting on your ass doing what you love most. Damn.

Maybe baby.

2010-07-30T15:43:00.005+08:00

So I've returned my wedding dress. Donned the golden band. Shared my space with a boy. It's just a matter of time before the likes of the Spanish Inquisition come barging on my already-married door, demanding: "Ok, where's the baby?"

We want kids. That's something we established before getting married, along with "No more than two pets" and "Okay, only ONE room in the house will be pink." And my biological clock isn't just tick tocking. It's bang booming. I get all weak in the knees when I see tiny people clothes and even tinier shoes. I love the smell of baby powder. And I can't waiting to have an extension of us. A Melihaw. Doesn't help that peers around me are shooting babies out like fireworks on the Lunar New Year.

But recently, a tiny, whimpering voice in my head pleaded to me, "Wait just a liiiiitle bit more, ok?" and I felt a twinge of guilt. You see, as much as I can't wait to be a parent, I'm also itching to do other things before committing to such responsibility. Haw and I are working on our business plan, something that's going to take every inch of dedication at the moment and Project House means we're getting down and dirty on building our dream home. On top of that, I still have an itch to travel, just a bit more, before baby makes three. And yes, I know you can still travel with kids in tow but - ask any parent out there - it's not quite the same. I'm sorry if this is selfish but I'd still like to travel without worrying if there's a Happy Meal at the next stop or if the 7 Eleven sells diapers.

And yet, I don't know if I'm pushing my luck with waiting too long. What is 'too long' anyway? Six months? A year? Ideally, I'd like to have two kids but, if one spontaneously sexy night that involves the sentence "Don't worry, I'll be careful" leads to another, three is fine too. All I know for now is that I still need time to settle in with being a Mrs. Being a Mommy might take just a bit more time. But you know what they about Murphy and his law...

Married - For sho!

2010-07-28T23:05:00.022+08:00

The photos have arrived! So here, forever immortalised, are some (the whole collection is like beribu-ribu lemon...Can't post 'em all up!) of the excellent shots taken by our photographer for the day, Anna-Rina Rahim. Looking at these pics, Haw and I still can't believe we finally pulled it off. Blood, sweat and oh-the-tears, it all paid off! This post is also dedicated to my family and friends who made the day nothing short of special. Enjoy!
*Warning: Photos aplenty to follow.

My dresses and shoes were custom made by Pretty In White.

My cat Blanket unfazed by the day's events.

The husband and the Best Man

My bridal party -in pink of course. Thank you my sayangs for layaning my pinkiness!

We did the traditional Filipino rites during the mass as a tribute to my Filipino heritage.

My cousins from Manila, Sydney, Melbourne and Jakarta all came down for the wedding. It's been ages since we all got together.

The Leong cousins and their plus ones - Thank you for being awesome. Couldn't have done it without you :)

I love this shot of cha-poh and my sister in law, Huey Huey :)

My sister Carmen and her husband Nick during the Chinese Tea Ceremony.

Would you believe the boys wouldn't jump so we had to get the girls to jump on the bed? It's part of a Chinese tradition to encourage, er, the multiplication of the family, haha.

We had to put on the 'cheese' as Anna-Rina says it :)

We gave measuring spoons to each guest with "A spoonful of love" engraved

A photo board at the ballroom foyer with pics of us, family and friends.

Walk and wave? Please, what are we, the Royal Family? We danced to Smashmouth's "I Can't Get Enough Of You Baby" during our entrance, accompanied by our friends!

Haw performed with his band, 4AG, that night. Rock on!

Surrounded by great friends all day long!

My Monash buddies - thanks for coming down to KK peeps. Me so touched.

Some things will never change :) Love you all.

Yo whaddup G?

Thanks for watching. Much love, Mel and Haw.

Food for thought.

2010-07-24T23:16:00.003+08:00

Do nothing and be condemned. Do something but with criticism. Say nothing and be misunderstood. Say something and be misread.

They say sometimes it's better to have done than to be left wondering 'what if'.

But some days - most days - I find it better to just sit back and do absolutely nothing. Because seriously, how can you mess up if you don't do anything at all?

The Graveyard Book

2010-07-19T23:14:00.004+08:00

I haven't raved about a book in a long time (or blogged for that matter) but here I am, oozing with love for Neil Gaiman's 'The Graveyard Book'.

I am strong believer that the best books literally just come your way when you least expect it and this was the case for The Graveyard Book. Selina had mentioned in passing about Gaiman and I figured, why not check this book out? That was more than 2 months ago. Last Friday, I finally got my hands on this book and all it took was the first page and I was completely hooked (okay I didn't mean for that to rhyme). It tells of a young boy, later named Nobody Owens or 'Bod' by his adoptive parents, who decide to give him a home after his whole family is murdered. The interesting twist? His new 'family' are a bunch of ghosts and his new home is the graveyard. And so Bod grows up having the 'Freedom of the Graveyard' where he roams as the only living being. Gaiman is a true literary genius - not only is his storyline riveting but his characters are a breath of fresh air, enveloped in originality. From the ghost of a drowned witch who turns out to be quite the unexpected ally to the antagonistic character simply known as The Man Jack - twisted, creepy and just plain evil.

I won't give away too much of the plot but for the first time in a long time, I finished a book in less than a day! I fell in love with Bod and his depressing albeit charmed life. But most of all, I think I fell in love with Gaiman for his dry humour, quick wit and seamless storytelling. Well, he is British after all:
And not bad looking at all, eh? I heard that a movie is in the works but am still doing my research on this. Again, I fear it might not do justice to the book (cases in point: Kiss the Girls, Memoirs of a Geisha, The World According to Garp...I could go on). Fingers crossed. Oh and if he sounds familiar, Gaiman brought you the bestselling 'Coraline'. What can I say - he's so brilliant he makes me want to live in a graveyard.

The 7 Days of Mrs. Lim

2010-06-19T18:19:00.003+08:00

Okay it's officially been seven days since I signed my singledom away. I've moved in with my lovely in-laws (how many of you can put those two words together, so yes, I'm showing off) for now until our place is up and ready. So far:

1. I've locked my husband out of our bedroom 3 times. Look, this 'room sharing' thing is new to me, ok? I keep forgetting he sleeps in the same room.

2. I've locked my father-in-law out of the house once. Well to be fair, he forgot his keys and I couldn't hear him. He had to call my handphone. Oops.

3. Strangely, I love doing laundry. Sorting the colours and separating the whites. Making sure I use the most wangi fabric softener. Arranging my clothes on the line according to size. Go figure.

4. I am eating more vegetables. My mother-in-law is a vegetarian after all.

5. I realise we may have a queen sized bed but I still sleep riiiiiiiiight at the edge because I want to be in my own bubble when I sleep.

6. I also discovered manicured nails and housework do not go hand in hand. Duh.

7. I still visit my parents almost everyday. Separation anxiety?

8. Blanket, my cat, is merajuking big time since I moved out of the house. He doesn't eat as much and he spends most of his time under my parents' bed. *ehek*

9. It may be hard living with a boy but every morning I wake up and realise how much I love living with THIS boy.

Oh and whenever people call me Mrs. Lim, I think of my math teacher. Yikes.

I have to live with a boy.

2010-06-03T23:08:00.004+08:00

There is an episode of 'Friends' where Rachel has to move out of Monica's apartment. Together with Phoebe, the two room mates sit together and contemplate the wonderful things about each other and although Monica is happy to take the next step in her relationship with Chandler, she bursts out crying, "...And now I have to live with a BOY!!!!"

I am sitting in that chair right now, with the same thought playing in my head. In my frenzy of getting married, it wasn't until recently that it dawned upon me: I have to SHARE my space. With a boy, no less.

Ok this should go without saying - I love this boy. Love him to pieces. But understand that in my 31 years of existence, I have never moved in with a boyfriend. Sure, we have weekend getaways and the occasional sleepovers. But the beauty of such was that within 48 hours, he was out the door and I was back wearing my granny panties (oh please, I know you wear them too) and sleeping with my cats.

I suppose moving in with your partner is truly a big step and a test of your relationship. And being married means there is no 'Get Out Of Jail for Free' card. It means that you are are committed to each other and will love him, man-boobs and all. I'm definitely anxious about discovering each other's - how shall I put it - eccentricities. You could be dating someone for ten years but once you move in with them, it's like getting to know them all over again.

Which also brings me to the point that this could be very refreshing for any relationship. And although I am filled with anxiety, doubt and, yes, panic, I am also excited, curious and oh-so-elated. Because as long as he's willing to make room for my shoes, I can handle dirty socks on the floor now and then.

Pause.

2010-05-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

Have wedding, will abandon blog.

Sorry. My life has progressed (or should I say regressed) into a wedding frenzy. And with that territory comes the volatile mood swings, erratic behaviour and a less than desirable immune system.

To top it off, I've just been majorly duped by a so-called local film produce/writer who conned me into doing two months of work and refuses to pay me my agreed remuneration. Instead she writes out a cheque for a quarter of the amount and says, "I'm sorry, this is all I could afford." Bollocks. Needless to say, I've quit.

I've had quite a few meltdowns but it all came to a head last Sunday with my mum. I know mothers mean well when it comes to weddings but I wish mine would see that all I want to do is get hitched - with or without the 700 guests. So now, we've declared a cold war and I don't see myself thawing out anytime soon. And by some karmic hand, today I reversed my already beat up car into a stationary lorry (which was illegally parked, bloody muthafucka). It shocked the bejesus out of me and I drove home rather shaken. No bodily damage was done but I think that was all it took to completely wear me out. So I spent the day with alcohol, nicotine, my sister and cousins to calm the nerves.

Now, I'm just exhausted. Can someone press the pause button for just one day?

Do I have 'schmuck' written across my forehead???

2010-04-15T12:20:00.003+08:00

I take pride in my work. It could be coming up with a slogan or writing a five-page article, but no job is insignificant. And since I left my job as a magazine editor and full-time writer, I embrace the creative freedom as a freelancer with zest. I can pick and choose my projects as I please and I work when my mind feels like it - which in turn ensures I spin out the best writing possible and not for the sake of meeting a deadline in 45 minutes.

And although I have left the trappings of an office, I often find myself surrounded by more idiots in my freelancing world. Just because I have the freedom to work at my own pace does not mean I'm going to be flexible with my remuneration. I detest the notion that freelancers don't 'need that much money' because, hell, if we could afford to take that chance to work on our own then we can't be THAT in need of money, right? Because I don't have to pay for office rent. Or I don't have to buy nice office clothes. Or I don't really mind living the 'struggling artists' life.

Please.

I have to pay the same bills as you do and, well lookie here, I don't have a nice paycheck waiting for me at the end of very month, do I? So what makes you think I'm going to say, "Oh no worries, this job's on the house" for you? And it irks me to high hell that you have the CHEEK to expect the best quality job for the lowest price. What planet are you living on, El Cheapo? Now I find this a double-edged sword because, 1) I'm not going to compromise my quality and reputation by doing a half-assed job but 2) I'm not going to break my back and lose sleep over a job where you're going to pay me peanuts. So what's a freelancer like me to do? Negotiate till my nose bleeds, I suppose. But sometimes, some clients are so cocky and think that I would be doing MYSELF a favour by working for them at minimum wage. Think again, loser.

My fiance, Haw, and I are full-time freelancers - I do the writing and he does design and photography. If we got a dollar for every client that has underpaid, insulted and undermined us, we'd be sipping margaritas in Bora Bora by now. We take such pride in our work and nothing makes us happier than a satisfied client, don't get us wrong. Although it's not all about the money, in this world it has to be somewhat about the money. It's simple economics, people: We provide a service, you pay us for services rendered. We've actually had clients who refused to pay us even after the jobs were done as they claimed they "didn't need it anymore." Oh ok, so can you give me back the 48 hours I've been working on your crap? I didn't think so.

And I'm sorry to say this, the local clientele are the worst. My best clients have been from outside Malaysia - not only do they pay better wages, but they are so much more professional. Which automatically makes me want to do my best for them. Another thing is how our people (ie. Malaysians) have little regard and appreciation for the arts. "Aiyah, draw a bit only mah, so expensive meh? Don't draw so big la." - Ya, why don't you go jump of a cliff and do us all a favour. "Not much to write bah...Sikit sikit only, why you charge 30 cents a word?" - Because by right I should charge you 50 cents and if it's so sikit to write, why don't you do it yourself?

This is why there are so many starving artists and writers in the world, eh? Everyone's a critic but in Malaysia, everyone's a cheap critic - lagi lah teruk. But maybe it comes down to us, the freelancers. We've been doing too many favours for people that suddenly we're expected to every single time. And when we name a price, we get a funny look that says, "I thought we're friends...How come you charge...?" Don't get me wrong: We love giving back now and then - when we do it, it's sincere. Because we really want to. But when people expect us just give, give, give...It's a big turn-off.

So if you want the best, be sure you can afford the best. And we're not good enough for you, then it's your right as a client to find a better suited supplier - no hard feelings. BUT if you do choose to pay peanuts...You'll probably get monkeys.

Sorry?

2010-04-11T22:45:00.004+08:00

I say sorry to everyone, every time, for almost every reason.

But I will not apologize for being the way I am. Take it or leave it.

And breathe.

2010-04-03T00:23:00.003+08:00

I'm tired. A little strung out. I'm not really good with small talk these days. And yes, if I seem like I'm a million miles away, I probably am. But it's not you. It's just me trying to find some equilibrium in my life. I'm not going to complain about the workload because, hey, a girl's gotta eat. But between meeting deadlines, attending meetings and planning a wedding, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. With every 'to-do' scratched off my list, another one comes along.

I know this is temporary. I just need to keep my sanity in check.

"He pronounced it 'cheap'. He meant 'smart."

2010-03-22T22:54:00.003+08:00

It's a funny quip from one of my favourite comedians, Russell Peters. He was referring to the 'Indian Pride' in being called 'cheap'. Heh heh, you gotta love him.

But there is some truth in that statement because sometimes being cheap is being smart. And yes, I hate being called cheap. Which is probably why I'm not rolling in cash right now neither. I love the luxury of saying, "Keep the change" or telling friends, "This round's on me." Ah but times are hard indeed. So much so that I demand my 5 sen change whenever I dine at Upperstar (who, by the way, are ALWAYS out of 5 sen coins and expect you to say 'Keep the change' just because it's 5 sen. And that irritates me to high hell, resulting in me insisting on that measly 5 sen on the basis of principle - if you rip off 100 people, that's RM5.00 a day, which is RM150.00 a month. Pencuri. Wtf. There. Rant over)

Back to the topic of 'hard times'. We all know the economy is in a slump. And you know the whole 'money doesn't grow on trees' thing. An extra whammy this year for me would be the wedding. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm coated in wedded bliss but let's face it: Weddings aren't easy on the pocket and it's getting worse with each year. Within 12 months, the hotel reception cost has gone up by 20 percent at my chosen venue. I suggested having the banquet at the parking lot but the acoustics suck. Heh.

So in these tight-fisted times, I've had to make some 'smarter/cheaper' choices in my life. At least until the wedding is done. Every penny (well, 85 percent anyway) goes to the wedding at the moment and the thing about planning a wedding is everytime you think you have the budget sorted out, something else will bite you in the wallet. So here are Mel's Spend-Savvy Ideas To Avoid Living In A Cardboard Box:

1. Pack your lunch. It's so elementary but in today's world of 'tapau', we choose convenience over cost any day. But, seeing I'm no longer in a 9 to 5 routine, I've saved more eating at home or grabbing a sandwich before I go to a meeting, instead of finding an excuse to eat after the meeting. I try not to meet prospective clients over meals and opt for quick bites or coffee. Not only is it penny-saving, it's also good time management.

2. Cut down on the booze. I must admit when I was working with my previous company, Happy Hours were such a norm. And an excuse to sit out the traffic jam. And more often than not, Happy Hours would drag on till midnight on most days which meant more drinks. I now limit myself to one session a week and to be honest, I've gone more than 2 weeks without a drink. If you know me at all, that's like Lady Gaga saying, "And I wore normal clothes everyday". And let's face it, it's a much healthier lifestyle.

3. Stay away, ye evil shopping mall. This one is tough but I'm doing okay. I love shopping. LOVE it. And I'm not even picky. I get excited buying toothpaste. So to resist temptation, I stay away from retail outlets, even the 'pasar' in Lido. I only buy things when they are absolutely necessary (like that red handbag I bought in KL because it was 70 percent off - It called out my name). Whenever I walk past a shoe shop, I tell myself, "All in good time, my children."

4. Alternative entertainment. Like watching paint peel or 'Count how many Proton Wiras pass by in 60 seconds'. I'm kidding. When you're trying to save money, it's tough to find ways to entertain yourself without flipping out your wallet. My top three entertainment choices say it all: Dining out, going to the cinema and shopping. Unless I beg for food, sneak into the cinema and shoplift, it's all going to add up. Therefore, I've resorted to borrowing dvds from friends and relatives and watching old favourites from my collection - which is really quite fun. I read more. I write more. And I play online games. Sometimes, it really doesn't take much - for me anyway.

5. Exercise is free! Okay fine. I have a gym membership. That said, it is the only major 'gift' I have allowed myself to indulge in financially this year. So now, if I really feel the need to get out of the house, I know I can count on the gym. And it makes me feel good. There's something about an aching body and shortness of breath I find so endearing. Not. Seriously though, it really does keep me sane and hopefully in shape for the wedding. Doesn't help it's right next to a mall though...Ah well.

And should temptation ever knock on my door, I quickly visualise walking down the aisle in my mum's curtains and serving Maggi Mee to my guests ("Chicken or Laksa?"). Wish me luck.

Low fat is phat.

2010-03-14T18:28:00.004+08:00

In my quest to look half decent on my wedding day, I've been hitting the gym (not as tough as I thought it would be) and watching my food (tougher than I thought). For Christmas, my parents got me a low-fat cookbook and although I was insulted for a nanosecond, it turned out to be one of the best presents.

With more time on my hands, I've been tapping into my inner Julia Childs and spending more time in the kitchen. Trying low-fat and low-carb recipes, of course. It's been good so far - chicken cacciatore, paprika chicken (gee I wonder what my favourite meat is), penne with tuna in tomato sauce and today's latest -banana oat muffins. Best thing is, I can enjoy them guilt-free. Well, unless I eat a whole pail of it.

Other updates? I'm sick again. I blame the weather. At least this time it's not the flu again. Just an annoying cough and plenty of sexy phlegm. I went to KL and got my wedding dress done. It should be ready by May - or else I'll be wearing white curtains down the aisle. Speaking of which, my pre-wedding photos have arrived but I can only offer this sneak peek:

Anna-Rina did a fantastic job but my only dissatisfaction is my weight issue in the photos. We took these back in January and at the peak of my 'chubbiness'. Which is why this shot above is one of my favourites, haha. At least my ankles look in shape. Three months to go!

The Invention of Lying

2010-02-28T23:05:00.003+08:00

You know how you stumble upon a movie every once in a while that makes you go "Oh wow" even after the credits have finished rolling?

That's what this movie did for me.

First of all, I've never been a big fan of Ricky Gervais so I was prepared to be annoyed for the next hour and a half. But that's where my expectations ended. See, the beauty of a little known movie as opposed to something like...Avatar...is that you don't have your expectations set high. Therefore, it's hard to be disappointed. That said, it doesn't guarantee you'll be satisfied.

But i digress.

If there was one movie that you must watch this year (ok so it's only March but you get the point), it would be The Invention of Lying. First off, I can't rave enough about the originality of the idea: Imagine a world where nobody lies and then suddenly, the first lie ever is told. The story snowballs into a spectacular chain of events set in a surreal world of complete trustworthiness. Not that you can blame everyone for being a schmuck because, hey, nobody ever lies! Team that idea with an amazing cast that includes Ricky Gervais (who co-wrote the story with Matthew Robinson), a doe-eyed Jennifer Garner, self-indulgent Rob Lowe and the comedic prowess of Tina Fey. And the script is pure gold. I love the bluntness of the characters, who are completely devoid of social graces and tells everything as it is ("I'm sorry I took a while answering the door. I was masturbating.")

Entertainment aside, the movie leaves you thinking about truths and lies. Sometimes the worst lies we can tell are the ones we tell ourselves - which is just a stone's throw away to the island of Denial. Why is it so difficult to be true to ourselves? And why do we care so much what other people think? Especially when YOUR happiness should be YOUR responsibility. Like, so what if I like the colour pink? It's pukey and girly to some but it looks damn good to me. And yes, so maybe I'd rather pick up a copy of Cosmo and not National Geographic sometimes - Doesn't make me less 'academic'. Works the other way too - I like watching The Second World War special on the History Channel instead of HBO on some days. We all put up fronts to impress sometimes, or even to appear less intimidating. I'll be the first to admit it. But it does get tiring and that's when I feel like telling people to get lost and leave me and pink copy of Cosmo alone while I watch the History Channel.

That said, go catch this movie. Love it.

Still.

2010-02-01T23:51:00.003+08:00

It lingers, it stays
It does not go away
The winter chill in spring
The numbness and the sting.

It stirs, it calls
The rise and the fall
It grabs from within
The promises, the sin.

It waits, it appears
The months and the years
The ebb and the flow
Of where it must go.

It comes but it goes
And nobody knows
Be still.
At will.

All the small things.

2010-01-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

It's been said time and time again but we seldom take notice. When you're with someone, it really is the little things. Forget the grand gestures of flowers, expensive jewellery and saying the obvious ("Wow, you look gorgeous" - um, duh). There are a few things I truly take note of when dating a guy and, while to each his own, I think it's a pretty good gauge of character.

1. Punctuality. I'm not a stickler for being there on the dot; I am Malaysian after all. But there's a difference between being ten minutes late and being half an hour late. A guy who shows up on time means what he says and say what he means. 7pm is 7pm. Hence, "I really want to make this work" means just that. Oh and minus points for not apologising for being late. How rude.

2. When he drops you off, he waits till you get inside safely. This I can attest to. The guys who actually drove off the minute I stepped out of the car turned out to be jerks and the guys who waited for me to give a little wave before I closed the door behind me were keepers. Lesson: If he can't spare a few seconds to ensure you're not abducted by aliens as you walk to your door, he really can't care less.

3.He's nice to the waiters. He can be a charmer in seven languages when wooing you but a real gem is nice to everyone. I knew a smooth-talker who de-charmed himself by being a complete ass to the wait staff. Selective manners? I don't think so.

4. He doesn't like animals. I dunno. There's just something untrustworthy about people who don't like animals. You don't have to be a zookeeper but shoving your boot at an innocent stray cat says a lot about a man. That was one short date.

5. Animals don't like him. If Sparky doesn't like him, neither will your grandma. Trust me on this.

6. He's cheap. When I say cheap, I don't mean he orders the cheapest wine on the menu. I mean, he makes you pay for your own Teh C (which, even in these hard economic times, costs less than RM2.00). Or when he takes you out for dinner, his idea of 'a really special night out' means a Snack Plate at KFC. And after you give him your share when the bill comes (because you generously offered, of course), he reminds you, "Oh there's service tax." I'm not saying it's' all about the money. You know that parable in the Bible about the poor woman who had nothing and yet she gave her last penny to help someone? While the super loaded guy on his high and mighty donkey gave a bigger amount, thinking he was 'da man'? My point is, you need to date someone like the poor woman. It wasn't much but she gave her all.

7. He remembers. All sorts of stuff. Your favourite color. That embarrassing story when you were sixteen. Your aversion to olives. The attention to detail means he's listening. Definitely a good thing.`

I remember once when Haw picked me up in his vintage Toyota on a Sunday morning and he had placed a colourful pareo on the PVC seats. I asked him, "What's this for?" And he said, "It's a hot day and the seat gets really hot. I know you hate that so I covered it up for you."

It's the small things, I tell you.

The skinny on skinny.

2010-01-22T00:34:00.002+08:00

It was 25 minutes into my treadmill session -somewhere between "Oh my God I can't feel my legs" and "My heart's going to explode into a million pieces"- when she walked into the gym in her skinny gloriousness. Actually, the first thing I noticed was her long, wavy hair bouncing around her shoulders and I thought,"Go tie your hair, woman. That is SO not practical in a gym." And then of course, my eyes glazed momentarily over her ridiculously tiny waistline and legs which seemed to go on forever. The gaze of the male crowd lingered a bit longer as she made her way to the treadmill beside mine and I swear she smelled like strawberries. Her arms were gazelle-like. She was just skinny. Skinny, skinny, skinny. The kind that even if you threw a lump of fat on, it would just slide off her. And so I watched her from the corner of my eye as she ran. Even her run looked 'skinny', as if she was going to sprout wings and suddenly flutter off into the night. The crazy woman didn't even seem to break sweat. And there we were, side by side. I looked at our reflection and how I was the anti-skinny in a world of skinny, a tinge of envy creeping in. And then I realised, as I stared at her bony butt...

I didn't want to be skinny.

Where was the fun in skinny? Even the word 'skinny' was unsexy - Why would I want to associate myself with the epidermis? No, a 20-inch waist was not the solution, at least not for me. And my legs were never built for hot pants and heels. Plus my boobs would look ridiculous on a rack of bones. No. I didn't want to be skinny. As I pushed myself to run faster and harder, I caught a glimpse of Skinny in the reflection again, her wavy hair bouncing around her Skeletor shoulders, and realised that I could look better than skinny. I could look stronger. I had enough meat on my body to cushion my ass if I fell off the treadmill, that's for sure. I didn't want to be skinny. I could never be skinny. Instead, I wanted to be stronger. Solid. Abs of steel. Okay, and a really nice ass you could bounce a coin off.

And so Skinny hit the showers after her 15-minute 'run' while I continued to slowly die doing crunches. Hell, I gave up on the Skinny Dream ages ago. My body isn't built for that. And you know what? Thank God it isn't.

What's new, pussycat?

2010-01-19T18:08:00.003+08:00

Black coffee with sugar.

Chardonnay, instead of Merlot.

Purple eyeliner.

A run in the morning.

Breakfast at an unknown coffee shop.

Sometimes you just have to try something out of the ordinary and see what's out there.

Which is why I'm going to attend a bread-making class today. So, have YOU tried something new?

Write.

2010-01-12T15:35:00.002+08:00

Ok, so according a writing exercise I've been working on, I have to write everyday. Even if it's a one liner. Even if I don't have a single, coherent idea in my mind. And now, as I am multi-tasking with the TV blaring in the background and half-listening to my mum reminding me to do something (I'll ask her again later, it sounded important), I'm trying to write. Whatever comes to mind. Let' see.

I am the same height as Kylie Minogue.

Absolutely random. Writing done.

Mel's masak moments

2009-12-28T16:27:00.003+08:00

In the kitchen. Who would've thought I'd be spending more time with pots and pans instead of pints and pals these days? There is something therapeutic about being in the kitchen, trying to
get the flavours right, making sure you don't slice your fingers off along with the onions and sweating over a hot stove - literally. And being the not-so-experienced cook, it's a whole new world of trial and error (read: trying not to burn the kitchen down). It's stressful but in a good way, making sure your 'diners' aren't cringing or choking as they take a bite.

I will be the first to admit I am not a natural in the kitchen. My idea of cooking usually revolves around 'just add water' and 'microwave for three minutes'. But with my newfound free time thanks to less office hours, I find myself gravitating to the kitchen (ok, so maybe I've always been gravitating towards the kitchen but not necessarily to cook!). On days like today, when I'm all 'pubbed'-out ('tis the season and all that) and there's no one to hang out with, I just turn to my cookbooks -yes, you read that right- and see what I can whip up. Pasta and chicken have been my best bets to date but not so much on fish and seafood (cleaning and preparing fish ranks high on my 'Eww' Factor, sorry). I'm planning on baking muffins next week and I'm half expecting a disaster but you never know. I'm not going to be the next Martha Stewart but at least my future family will be able to enjoy meals other than spaghetti from a can or instant noodles.

Oh and you know what else is great about cooking? It actually kills your appetite, so here's the lesson: when you feed others, you stop feeding yourself. Genius!

Ho ho mojo.

2009-12-26T18:12:00.002+08:00

Yes, another 'tis the season post. More like post-tis-the-season-post. As I unwind from days of non-stop Christmas shopping, paper cuts from wrapping gifts and one too many roast chickens (my family doesn't do turkey), I'm taking the time to savour the spirit of the season and reflect on what an improvement this year has been.

Christmas is an interesting time of the year and although I'd be lying if I didn't say I loooove getting presents, Christmas is also a time of thanksgiving, epiphanies and revelations. This year, it has been a pleasant surprise to hear from friends whom I have not been in touch with for ages. On the flip side, I've also come to terms with the fact that I have to let go of certain connections in my life - and it really isn't such a bad thing. I am blessed with the people who ARE in my life and content with the fact that people, friendships and seasons change.

With five days to go to 2010, I look back on the year and see how uplifting 2009 has been. Perhaps it's a good thing my 2008 was so sucky, or else I wouldn't appreciate how good the coming year would be! I still remember the best thing I heard on New Year's day this year: "This year is yours" and I think I made it my mantra. And in many ways, it has been. My boyfriend proposed at the beach, I bit the bullet and quit my 6-year-old job, I have more time to write and am learning how to run a family business. Oh and I'm becoming quite the kitchen queen. Ok, maybe I'm still at princess level but getting there.

The best part is, it just gets better next year. Merry Christmas and may the new year bring you all the good things you deserve.

Things that go lump in the night.

2009-11-26T00:01:00.002+08:00

I've been trying to drift off for the last hour but all I do is listen to the whirring of the ceiling fan. No, I haven't been watching horror movies that give me sleepless nights. Again.

It's a lump. And God forbid I be dramatic about it but if you knew me better...Here comes the drama.

Everybody's telling me it's nothing. I've even been told it could be a lump of fat, seeing I've put on weight (nice. two blows). Or maybe I should massage it away. And, hey, it's not even that obvious.

I know that there's a 90 percent chance...No no....98 percent chance it really IS nothing. Just an extra mound of flesh inconveniently making its presence known on the lower end of my neck. It doesn't hurt. But I just wish it wasn't there. Can you blame me?

A lump. It's just a lump. I really am getting ahead of myself. I know everyone's trying to pooh-pooh it because maybe, just maybe, if everyone pooh-poohs enough, it won't even exist.

Except it's not growing on THEIR necks.

So yes, I'm going to let myself 'dramatize' this whole lump episode even though it's very likely it'll be gone in a few days. For starters, I'm getting it checked out tomorrow. And then I'm going to get a second opinion - preferably from a doctor who doesn't share my DNA just to be extra sure.

It's a lump. Just a lump. But if it turns out to be a lot more than a just a lump, I'm going to be very, very angry.

Belly laugh.

2009-11-18T19:24:00.002+08:00

You know what makes a good day? A heartfelt belly laugh that makes your sides ache and your eyes water. Here are my favourite belly laugh moments this week (bah, it might not make sense to everyone.Then again, humour is subjective no?)

1. Putting absurd lyrics to existing movie themes ie Jurassic Park ("I'm a dinosaur...I'm a dinosaur...") and Indiana Jones ( "Indianaaaa on a horse...Indianaaa, he can even do morse")

2. Will Ferrell's classic lines: "The last time I heard that joke, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur!" and "San Diego is German for whale's vagina."

3. Conversation overheard at a DVD shop:
Man: Kamu ada wayang Dua Puluh Dua Belas? (literally, Twenty Twelve)
DVD seller: Adaaaaaa!
Man: Clear ka?
DVD seller: Ya ya clear! Baru dari panggung wayang ni (Fresh from the cinema).

Have you had a belly laugh lately?

The Mel-isms of Travel

2009-11-12T23:11:00.003+08:00

It's so cliched but sometimes you need to get away to discover yourself. Travelling reveals more about yourself than you'd like to know, truth be told. I was in Bangkok recently and although I was with my brother and a colleague, I spent plenty of quality time with myself most of the days. So here's what I've noticed:

1. I always choose the aisle seat in an airplane. I don't care much for legroom seeing my hobbit-like stature doesn't require much, but I am particular about easy access. I hate sheepishly tapping the person beside me - who is already in deep slumber judging by the gurgling sounds he's making - to make way for me to use the lavatory. But I totally don't mind giving way to him if he needs to use the toilet for the 567th time. Translated: I'm a people-pleaser, even at the cost of my convenience. Okay everyone...Can you spell "Doormat?"

2. I check to see if my boarding pass and passport are with me every 5 minutes. I am paranoid. I get sweaty palms just thinking about misplacing them. Translated: Pa-ra-noid.

3. If I'm not sharing a hotel room, I sleep with the TV on. Translated: I may be 30 but I'm still as chicken shit as they come. For the past week I've been falling asleep to the sounds of Oprah and Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh and I check the drawers for a bible, just in case.

4. I like nice, fancy restaurants but I'll order the cheapest thing on the menu. I love my red wine but it doesn't have to be vintage. I heart air-conditioned places because they're comfy but I don't need the best seat in the room. Translated: My tastes aren't cheap but my style is thrifty, haha.

5. I'm perfectly okay spending the afternoon in my hotel room, enjoying a bubble bath while watching in-house movies. Translated: I really should be more adventurous but sometimes 'boring' beats 'adventurous'. Especially when you have a nice hotel room.

6. I love discovering new sights and cultures but I get bummed when I realise he's not there to share it with me. Translated: You can send me on a round trip around the world but where's the fun in it without having someone to share it with? I'm sorry, I don't do solo travelling very well.

7. I study maps, take note of landmarks, learn helpful foreign phrases and carry allergy/food poisoning/migraine pills in my backpack. And two types of mints. Just in case. Translated: I like to overprepare because I hate being underprepared. I don't 'wing it' and I certainly don't hitch hike. Yes, I am as predictable as they come but I'm working on loosening up. Just a little.

and finally

8. I always break into a smile when the plane touches down on homeground. Don't take me wrong, I love travelling but it's a wonderful feeling coming home to something familiar. Translated: Does that make me a bad traveller? No. I just know where I belong.

In the news.

2009-11-03T20:44:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, you only need to flip the local dailies for entertainment.

Today, there was a public opinion piece on whether KK was ready for its very own LRT. It amazes me how optimistic our people are and although there is hope for us yet, I couldn't help but think, "Er, shouldn't they be working on the current transportation system?" Honestly, if buses here ran on schedule, taxis used meters and there were ACTUAL trains running on the tracks, I wouldn't mind using the public transportation at all. And let's face it, KK is a Ten-Minute city. Minus the 'bumper to bumper traffic' (read: a road crawl thanks to one lousy road hog), everything is an average of ten minutes away. Okay, maybe 20 for some. Ten minutes to your nearest grocery store. Ten minutes to your mother in law's. Ten minutes to your favourite pub. Do you really need an LRT to get there and back? Kudos on the flyovers (clap clap) but let's not get ahead of ourselves. So in Fridaycat's opinion: Nay to the LRT. My suggestion is to fix the dodgy roads for starters.

And for the Headline of the Day:

Wider Probe Into Sodomy Case

Someone get this editor a thesaurus.

Groupie.

2009-11-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

I never thought I'd be a groupie but here I am. I'll admit I didn't quite grow up listening to Deep Purple or Metallica but over the years, thanks to my very own Mr Musician, I've grown to appreciate some pretty cool rock stuff. And I'm not talking about the geological stuff.

Still, I am a long way from being a rock expert (a rock-et scientist, haha geddit geddit? I couldn't resist). Back to the groupie reference, I am officially a fan of Sabah's very own 4AG, which stands for 'For Aggressive Gentlemen'. They consist of five talented Chinese musicians and, defying stereotypes of all-Chinese bands, play excellent hard rock stuff in all three languages: English. Mandarin and yes, even some Malay numbers. Oh and I suppose I should point out that the hot rhythm guitarist is my fiance. Heh.
At first glance, they look like five guys from your average finance department - yes, I'm pigeon-holing. But I love the surprised reaction from the crowd when they start to get their groove on! Recently, I went to watch them perform at a local gig and one of the numbers they did was Deep Purple's Highway Star. They blew the crowd away!
They've been getting some rave reviews of the last few months and although they are relatively more low profile than other up and coming bands, I'd say 4AG is one to watch. What can I say...I'm a big fan! heh heh.

Raves.

2009-10-20T11:57:00.003+08:00

I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying my newfound 'free time'. As my work hours are determined by yours truly (factors include non-conducive weather and just not feeling like it), I've been spending my time doing things I actually ENJOY - something I might have taken for granted over the last few years. And I've discovered it doesn't always have to involve a bar, heh.

I've been absolutely obsessed with playing...online games. Ok, it's probably a phase but it's amazing how diner dashing or building cities can kill time. I think I finally realized I needed a break when my eyes wouldn’t blink anymore and my right arm had a shooting pain flowing through it. Upon which I finally picked up my neglected books again. I was moved by Dr. Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture and after six million years I’ve finally completed James Patterson’s ‘The Quickie’ - not that it’s bad reading, simply a case of putting it down and never picking it up again. But this time, not only did I pick it up but I could not put it down. I lugged the book with me in the car, in the dim sum restaurant and while waiting for my nails to dry. I love Patterson’s stuff (Kiss The Girls anyone? As always, the movie didn’t do it justice, even with Morgan Freeman in it) and The Quickie will not disappoint. In fact, it got so gripping that I cheated and peeked at the end (hey, if the ending was bad, it wouldn’t be worth the hassle).I also finished a classic by Tehmina Durani, My Feudal Lord – it tells of her life story and struggles as a strong-willed woman married to a conservative Pakistani politician (that also translates to ‘sexist pig’). Intense.

And now on to this:

Coelho of course. If I had a splinter of his writing charm, I’d be blessed beyond belief. I don’t know how he does it but when he writes, you really feel as if he’s talking to you and only you. Intense.

To break the ‘intensity’ of the literary world, I turn to the idiot box. Yep, television at its best. More like…downloaded stuff. I sat through season four of Grey’s Anatomy and lost myself in boxes of Kleenex. I don’t understand why the producers have an undying need to make you sob through each episode. WHAT KIND OF PERVERSION IS THIS??? It’s a hospital, people die everyday, I get it. But first they make you bond with the character and then when you least expect it …BAM!...they die.

God, it’s good TV.

On a less depressing note, I turn to the latest season of The Big Bang Theory (oh praise the great powers for BitTorrent!). I’ve downloaded it in my iPod and my cardio workouts have become so effortless ever since. One episode and whaddaya know, 20 minutes of the stairmaster gone! I’ve been a loyal follower of the show since Dillon introduced it to me in Langkawi earlier this year. They’re on to Season 3 in the US and I’m looking for the boxed set of Season 2 (Christmas gift, hint hint, lalalala). Being the geek I am, yes I already have the boxed set of Season 1. There’s just something hot about 4 nerds and their comic books. Hmm.

Tuesday beckons. Got some contracts to proofread and I'm done for the day. Smell you later.

Overheard.

2009-10-09T11:03:00.003+08:00

Two girls, over drinks.

Friend 1: ....And he was there, that asshole who was a complete waste of your time.

Friend 2: Omg.

Friend 1: Yep. And he's gotten so fat and ugly.

Friend 2: *laughs* That's good to hear.

Friend 1: I moved to another table.

Friend 2: Why did you move?

Friend 1: Because I hate his guts.

I smiled. Because that's exactly what friendship should sound like.

Scabs and scars

2009-10-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

Forgiving and forgetting is like carpooling - we all know its good for the environment but no one really does it.

I don't claim to be an expert on the area but I've had my share of moments. And I'm really good at the 'one step forward, two steps back' tango - Just when I think it's out of my system, there it is, smack dab in the middle of my system.

It has taken years and one pack of cigarettes too many for me to forgive, let alone forget. I've done it all: journals, ranting even church camps (yes oh yes). I may not have learned to completely let go but I have definitely learned that sometimes all this resentment and bitterness can be all-consuming - mind, body and spirit. And as I enter my tantalising 30s (hey, it beats the 20s any day!), I'm just too excited about the future to give a rat's ass about the past. Why channel your energy on what could have been when you can use it on what's going to be?

So I haven't completely forgiven nor forgotten you. But what matters most is I am wise enough to realise what a complete waste of time and emotional energy grudge-bearing can be. And here's another lightbulb moment to share: Don't burn bridges but you are not obliged to maintain the repair works. You can't lose a friend if he/she was never one worth keeping in the first place.

Just sit back and let that old wound turn into a scar. You'll never even notice it there.

...And we're back!

2009-09-27T19:23:00.002+08:00

My trip to Manila was one great big exhale. Allow me to inhale as I gather my thoughts. Simply put, I had a blast and getting out of the country for a bit was exactly what I needed.

I highly recommend packing your bags for a dose of sanity.

Downsizing but upgrading.

2009-09-17T10:02:00.002+08:00

As my good friend Jeri (how are ya sweetie?) wrote me a few days ago, yes I've been quiet and yes you are right to assume things are going good so far. Sometimes, no news is indeed good news.

I've been staying away from the cybersphere for a while, most of the time quite unintentionally actually. These days, I'm not chained to a desk and for the better part of the day, I pretty much do as I please (which consequently means I don't log on as much anymore). I meet clients, have long lunches and write whenever the time is right. It's liberating. But to ensure I maintain some disciplined schedule in my life, I still start my day by 8:00am. Even if that day begins with bringing my cats to the vet.

I've been able to spend some quality time with my family, especially my nieces who are growing up by the nanosecond, and my intimate circle of friends. As I anticipated, ever since I left my so-called high profile job as an editor for a local magazine, my phone has been more silent and my inbox static. And I am not complaining. Because it helps me sort out the real friends from the "Oh hi how you been? I loved your last issue. Wondering if you can help me out..." clan. And these days, I can honestly say I have at last five loyal caller IDs that keep popping up and these are friends who I know would still be there even if my career change involved scraping elephant poo. I heart you.

Which leads me to the fact that I am happily downsizing my life - less parties and less air-kissing - but truly upgrading the quality of my lifestyle. If there's anything I've gained in the last few weeks, I've learned that less is definitely more. And I am blessed that some of my former colleagues have remained true friends and it's refreshing to be on a more laid-back level with them without worrying about office politics.

And it's off to my week-long escape to Manila tomorrow where I will be exercising my other natural-born talent - shopping! Also, I will be introducing my fiance to my mum's family for the first time. Stay tuned for the Manila excursion!

Quick blab.

2009-09-06T18:07:00.003+08:00

I heart the Matta Fair because I think I just might be packing my bags for a bit. And this time my wallet won't be bleeding.

And 12 more days before I say Mabuhay! and eat lots and lots of pork.

I have to hit the gym more frequently. Twice a week doesn't cut it.

I have a new kitten. My parents think it's for my niece. *sweaty palms* I really need to get my own place.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not that easy managing lots of 'free time' when you're a Level 90 Procrastinator like me...

...but I LOVE the freedom!

This made me smile today.

2009-09-02T10:45:00.004+08:00

This is the 3rd attempt for French 'Spiderman' Alain Robert in climbing the Petronas Twin Towers and he's finally done it! Of course, he got arrested but I couldn't help but do a little victory jig for him. Heh, this really made my day. Read more about it here.

"Voila! I have climbed zee tower and now I am in handcuffs but eet ees okay!"

Mel's 2-minute Merdeka Post.

2009-08-31T22:42:00.002+08:00

Your childish politicians.

Your questionable policies.

Your colourful people.

Your awesome food.

Your occasional ignorance.

Your breathtaking beaches and sunsets.

Your inability to have clean public toilets.

Your selfishness.

Your giving heart.

Your misplaced pride.

Your humility.

Your harmony.

Your racial bias.

Your over-priced locally-made cars.

Your strange goals and achievements (biggest roti canai? teh tarik in space?)

Your reigning peace.

Your normalcy.

Good and bad, you make up the only home I have. And even though we all have the option of leaving, I'm not going anywhere. If that's not love, Malaysia, I don't know what it is.

Happy Merdeka.

Hello, New Day!

2009-08-24T09:45:00.002+08:00

Yes, I've been quiet.

Because I've been taking the time to absorb this moment. And because, quite frankly, there are no words to describe this feeling. I've been met with various reactions with my decision to leave my job but only one opinion matters most: Mine.

And I am happy. I feel like for the first time since I started working, I'm finally taking control of my life and career. I never imagined that freefalling from my 9 to 5 desk job would feel so good! And as I celebrate the first of (hopefully) many brighter Mondays to come, I received this from Mia - The Eight Irresistable Principles of Fun. I loved it - Hope it inspires you too!

August!

2009-08-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

No, I haven't forgotten what a bitch August can be. Let me refresh your memory.

Well, slap my ass and call me a donkey's uncle because I never imagined August and I would finally be on good terms.

This year, I can finally say August brings more yays than nays. After so many years of break-ups, goodbyes, difficult transitions and just plain bad luck, the tides are changing. Instead of flinching as I flipped the calendar on my desk, I felt relieved and blessed. First of all, I'm still enjoying the warm afterglow of getting engaged (yes, you're gonna have to put up with my incessant mushiness for now - what, would you rather I go all "Oh woe is me!" day in day out?). It's digusting how loved up I feel and if I get anymore sentimental, butterflies are gonna come out of my nose. Other than that, I'm finally counting the days to a new chapter in my career.

Oh, did I not mention that I was leaving?

My Company, bless her soul, has been lovely thus far but greener pastures call. Coupled with the long drawn out dilemma of 'Where am I going with this job?' and being passed on for a promotion, I'd say my time here is up. I am grateful for all I have gained but as I touch 30 and enter a new phase in my life, I think a new job is just the icing I need.

I have 19 days to go and its a flurry of emotions. But I think its a good sign that I am happier than I am sad to move on. I won't be sad, but nostalgic most definitely. And August also means I am a month away from my long-awaited holiday to Manila with Haw - I can't wait to introduce him to my family.

So yes, August, thanks for finally cutting me some slack. I know you might have some surprises up your sleeve but it's nothing I can't handle. So we cool, right?

Hallo, hallo...?

2009-07-30T09:51:00.006+08:00

First of all, I must apologise if you are one of the many people I've been accidentally calling. I tend to forget locking my keypad, which results in me making unintentional phone calls to random people on my phonebook. It's either I'm sitting on my phone or there are tiny toyols diailing my digits in my handbag. (eee creepy).

Anyway, I'm considering getting a new phone - something that either autolocks or is designed in such a way that I can't accidentally call anyone ie. slide or flip. So here are my finalists:

The very snazzy N97:

or the sleek Nokia 6600 (freakin' A, it also comes in pink! This is what I call fate):

Yes, I am a Nokia girl. Don't even bother introducing Sony Ericssons or LGs to me. I cannot be arsed to learn a whole new 'language' when it comes to my lifeline. I am not a super-gadgety person. I think blenders are complicated, enough said. So when it comes to choosing handphones, I have three main concerns:

1. SMS friendly, as in the keypad isn't a bitch to use.

2. External memory - I get nervous when the salesperson says, "Oh but this one no external memory ah...Everything in the phone wan....".

3. Looks good when I wave it around.

Told you I'm simple. Cameras aren't necesarry but it's a cool add-on. Budget-wise, I'm looking for below RM2k. I have to give up my Blackberry in less than a month and I never thought I'd say this but I'm gonna sort of miss it. I've been so dependent with having my e-mails at my fingertips and communicating with people via BB messenger. I might actually keep my Blackberry but will upgrade it to a BB Bold. My brothers have the BB Storm and I have to say...None of us are impressed with how complicated it is. Plus, I've never been fond of touch-screens - All those fingerprints irritate me.

So time to go phone-hunting. No rush though...I'm giving myself till end of September to get one as I'm saving my moolah for my Manila holiday :)

Oh wow I almost forgot I'm going on a holiday!

Over the past. In the now.

2009-07-29T09:29:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes the things you want are not exactly the things you need and the things you don't want in life is exactly what you need."

A year ago, I posted this on my blog. When I look back to where I was a year ago, I amaze myself. It's been an emotional struggle to say the least. Plenty of drunken nights. Too much crying. An overdose of drama. I was Eeyore personified. Ugh. I hated myself. And I know so many of my friends hated that Mel too.

But here I am, a year later. It hasn't been easy but it's been eye-opening. I've gained weight but I've lost that chip on my shoulder that used to verify my sense of worthlessness everyday. Life isn't perfect right now - It's never going to be, i'm not that jaded, please. But it's better. And I'll take 'better' over 'crap' any day. Plus, where's the fun in having a 'perfect' life? Nothing to struggle or fight for. That's like...Life for Wimps.

So with the grace of God, lots of perserverance and a little help from my family and friends, here I am. When I stoppped 'wanting' things to go a certain way, everything I needed fell in my lap.

If you like it then you better put a ring on it...

2009-07-27T22:29:00.004+08:00

...And he did!
This is the best pic of us that I could find from our engagement. My brother gave us matching pendants. I really should get a better camera.

*Mel, focus*

My rock rocks! So yes ladies and gents, another one bites the dust :)

31 Reasons to love you 24/7

2009-07-24T08:58:00.005+08:00

31 Reasons.

1. Because he makes me laugh till my sides ache.

2.Because he appreciates the funny voices I make.

3.Because I appreciate the funny voices HE makes.

4.Because of his dogged determination in all he does.

5.Because men with ambition are sexy.

6.Because with him, there's always a way.

7. Because I'm useless with cars, wires and anything that needs fixing.

8. Because I'm willing to 'potong pokok' with him under the pouring rain.

9.Because we both love Will Ferrell.

10.Because he's so damn patient even when he really shouldn't be.

11. Because I can't stay mad at him for long.

12. Because he reminds me to drink more water and eat my vegetables.

13.Because he'll watch Friends reruns with me.

14.Because he understands when I need to be on my own and I understand when he needs to hang with the boys.

15. Because he knows I can be unreasonably jealous.

16. Because even when he's jealous, he's still a gentleman.

17. Because he continues to surprise me.

18. Because he loves my cats.

19. Because my cats love him.

20. Because I feel safe with him.

21. Because he's so good at picking out clothes for me.

22. Because he pushes me to get off my lazy ass and try new things.

23. Because he taught me how to play the drums.

24. Because he knows I hate the cold and will make sure I'm always warm.

25. Because he doesn't believe in RM300 shirts that look RM69.90

26. Because he has no idea how cute he is when his eyes light up when watching Indiana Jones/Back To The Future for the 500th time

27. Because he layans my whims and fancies, even if it involves Roti Kahwin at Damai during peak traffic time.

28. Because I would do exactly the same for him in a heartbeat.

29. Because musicians and artists are sexy!

30. Because he reminds me it's about us and no one else.

31. Because I couldn't ask for more.

Happy birthday, babe.

Love,

Weight a minute.

2009-07-23T22:18:00.006+08:00

I have been on the hunt for a dress. I'm running out of time and patience. And today, lo and behold, I found THE dress. And I loved every inch of it. Every seam, every stitch, every ruffle. But of course...They didn't have my size. The one I tried was just a wee bit too tight and I don't know about you guys but I like to breathe in my clothes. Oh but how I absolutely LOVE the dress!

At this point, I am just exhausted. I cannot bear the thought of trying on any more dresses. Why is everything else out there made for people half my size? And the dresses that look good on the rack hang lifeless on me. I have the weirdest body: I am top heavy, with slender arms, stumpy legs, a bulging stomach, broad shoulders and a short torso. It is an absolute nightmare to buy dresses for me. The safest bet are babydoll dresses but I'm really tired of the 'Pregnant' look.

So i keep trying dresses although my mind is set on Dream Dress Which Doesn't Come In My Size (for the record, they even checked another store who, of course, didn't have my size neither). Dress after dress. I find another beautiful, long number which covers my stumpy sausage legs BUT thanks to my short torso, it bunches up at the back. I find a gorgeous orange off-shoulder blouse which goes well with an A-line skirt I pick up but once I put it on...I look like a pumpkin standing on a cone. It looked good in my head though.

So four days and three hours later, I am still dress-less. Which leads me to the angry thought: If only I was thinner. I just can't seem to lose those five kilos which would've solved all my dress-shopping woes. Seriously, if I was less fat, I would've found a dress by now! I've always had issues with my body and now it's biting me in the ass as if to say, "Hah, told you to lose weight!"

I didn't get my dress and I'm starting to give up. I might just dig up something safe from my closet. I don't deserve a new dress anyway - I'm so lousy at trying to lose weight. However, in my quest for a dress, I did come across something else. Slimming supplements! A friend told me how it worked for her and I've decided to get a bottle and see how it goes. Spare me the lecture on 'watching my food' and 'exercising' because I've been doing that and it's not working as fast as I'd like it to. So hopefully these supplements will speed things up and I won't dread buying clothes as much anymore!Wish me luck.

In the now.

2009-07-08T09:31:00.002+08:00

I want to count my blessings.

Because it takes devastating news to shake us out of our zombie reverie as we trudge through life. So today, I want to count my blessings and live in the now.

Someone I work with has been diagnosed with leukemia and honestly, I am still in denial. Because I refuse to accept that his life is now on a timer and everyone is just waiting for the buzzer to go off. I walk by his room and imagine that he will be back tomorrow, smiling and telling us it was just the flu.

While everyone sheds tears and comes to grip with his diagnosis, I find myself almost not reacting. Not because I don't care. Not because I am emotionless (boy oh boy, if anything I'm too emo). Because in my own bubble, I believe that if I don't acknowledge the truth, it remains untrue. So I go on with my day, refusing to visit him in the hospital, ignoring talk of "poor him poor him" because I so badly want to believe he is coming back and the doctors made a mistake.

I'm the Queen of wishful thinking.

But as the days pass and the news sinks in a little bit more, it puts everything I do on a daily basis in perspective. You know those scenes in a movie where the camera zooms out on everything around you and zooms in on your face, like a moment of realization? That's how I feel. I watch as my bosses continue yakking about which wine to serve during the next big dinner event. I listen as someone gets worked up about not getting the alignment right on his typed document. And, in comparison with someone doesn't know how many tomorrows are left, it all seems so...trivial. I do understand that life must go on. Bills must be paid, children fed and deadlines met. But why do we put so much blood, sweat and tears on the tiny details in life? Why can't we have the same zest for things that matter?

Because we take those things for granted. Right until someone tells us we don't have much time life.

Don't postpone that trip you've been saving up for because it's just 'too much hassle' to plan right. Don't tell your husband you'll have that long-awaited dinner for two next week because this week you're just too tired. Don't save those RM500 stilletos for a special occassion - tonight might be that special occassion! Don't wait to tell someone their friendship is better than chocolate if you can tell them today. Most of all, don't wait to make yourself happy today - in whatever form it may come.

Today, I want to count my blessings. I'm not going to wait till it's too late.

Hey June...

2009-06-28T19:49:00.007+08:00

So here's my June in photos.

I went to KL with my colleague Rinto for the Vote for Sipadan campaign early June. It was a tiring five days, considering it was a two-man show (dumb-ass arrangements but hey, we don't call the shots). I love this view of KLCC.

We were at the KLCC Aquaria - we had the best response here. Maybe all the fishies put visitors in the mood...

...it definitely put ME in the mood. The management at Aquaria are EXCELLENT people - kudos to them for being such stellar hosts! They even let us take a free tour of the aquarium after we packed up.

Carol playing with the sharks. So cool. Here she is, hoping she'll leave with ten fingers intact.

Rinto gets so much attention for his dreadlocks (yes they're real - some people even ask if they can touch it. Okaaay). So here's the best impression of Rinto I can muster, heh heh.

We were also at 1 Utama and Sunway Pyramid. It started off as a 2-man show but Carol showed up and saved the weekend. Hooray!

You see how much barang we have to lug everyday? And that's including the laptops, nimloks and giveaway goodies! Can you see the Carl's Junior paper bag peeking out? A lunch for 2 set us back some RM40.00 but it was worth the burger experience! Punya besar.

Thumbs up eventhough there were some people I would've liked to strangle with the laptop cables. But tourism industry players are conditioned to 'smile through everything', no? Mmm ya lah tu.

The highlight of each night was none other than the after-hour drinks. Our hotel was at The Curve Damansara so it was pubs galore. JJ brought us to this Belgian Bierhaus where the foot-long pork sausages are to die for.

Carol and her Hoegaarden. Yum.

I always love meeting up with my chicas, no matter how fleeting. I miss them - but everyone's happy where they are and that's what matters.

Back in KK, I attended the World Environment Day at the Lok Kawi Wildlife Park. Speeches, bird show, clap clap, plant some trees, clap clap, build a compost heap, ooh ahh. The end.

With my colleagues. You need each other to stay entertained during the formalities.

Dragon Boat Race at Likas Bay with Melina. Ya, I'm getting sick of this green t-shirt too.

Orange! Much better. This was on the first day. Yes, it's panas.

Contrary to popular belief, there is more to my life than work. So on days when I want to blow up the office, I turn to H. Who will happily peel pears for me, heh. Last Saturday, he surprised me with a picnic at the beach. He had packed some lovely sandwiches, apple juice and Cheezels. Oh and pears of course.

Sometimes, we need to break out of the routine and just wing it. The picnic was a great way to 'wing it'. We played cards, ate cheesy sandwiches and did Mafia mobster impressions. I tell you, it doesn't take much. It turned out to be quite the eventful day. Stay tuned.

Just thought I'd share a shot of one of my favourite makan spots, the roti kahwin coffee shop in Damai. And they serve delicious teh C ping! The nasi lemak isn't as great as before - dunno why. But whenever I have a case of the munchies, you can find me here.

This doggy was with us during the picnic. He got tired of waiting for 'snacks' and actually fell asleep! Now THAT'S the kind of contentment so rarely enjoyed by humans. Don't forget to stop and roll in the sand once in a while, my friends.

Sunny.

2009-06-24T10:26:00.002+08:00

How I love watching the days go by! As I put my head to my pillow each night, I smile thinking of how tomorrow means I am a step closer to so many things. NEW things. And new places. And new opportunities.

I haven't felt this excited about life for a while now. I still don't know what tomorrow will bring but it feels damn good to know I've moved on from darker places and empty spaces. Over the last six months, I have had to slowly detach myself from people and situations. Change my marching beat, so to speak. And as I turn my attention back to nothing else but ME, everything starts to fall into place again. All I had to do was step away from the circus.

I am so in love. With life. With you. With what can be. I know that tomorrow all this could very well be snatched away from me.

So watch me as I embrace every second of this :)

Let's go for a drive.

2009-06-18T18:13:00.003+08:00

Grumpy. I was annoyed. Immensely.

He looked at me, a sort-of smile - a cross between 'Please don't bite my head off' and 'Hey beautiful'.

I refused to step out of my angry shell. I was (foolishly) adamant on staying angry. And it wasn't even at him.

"Let's go for a drive."

The air-conditioner was too cold. The air freshener too strong. Why is the car so noisy? He injects my grumpy silence with stories of difficult clients and pretty streetlights. He winds down the windows and turns off the air-conditioner. We drive some more and watching the city go by actually makes me a little happier.

But just a little.

He lets me choose which roads to take because he knows I like things to go my way - Yes, I can be a brat like that. And we look at more buildings. He points out the scenery and how pretty it is. We imagine owning our own studio and all the things we could do with it. We talk about his next gig on Sunday. Sunday? Next Sunday, he says. And I mentally take note and see if I can swing by to see him play the guitar. Sometimes I think his band makes too much noise - but he knows I'm proud he's part of it.

And then he squeezes my hand. I squeeze back. We talk some more about cars and the weather (I hope it rains, I tell him). I still want to be angry but I can't quite remember what for.

He asks me, "Which road you want to take?" I point to the left.

I went home. More happy, less angry. Because he just knows me.

Jump.

2009-06-17T11:29:00.003+08:00

I've lived most of my life with the utmost caution. I analyze, scrutinise, worry and wonder before making any decision. Even deciding what to eat for lunch is a life-changing moment for me. I'm the kind of girl who dips her feet into the water but will never jump in because it's safer on dry land.

But as I enter my 30s, I think it's time I start living precariously - yes, I know most people do that in their first part of their 20s but, hey, I'm a late bloomer.

Perhaps not always knowing or being uncertain isn't such a bad thing. Maybe unpredictability is what I need to push me further along in my life. I like safe, yes, but sometimes 'safe' isn't good enough. And maybe it's going to be difficult and maybe this could be the biggest mistake. Then again, this could be the best thing that as happened to me.

I've given it plenty of years and if I don't step out of my comfort zone now, I probably never will. And I keep giving it another year, another month, another week but deep down I know I'm just too chicken shit to do anything about. Everyone's going to have an opinion about whatever decision I make but ultimately I have to do this for no one else but me:

It's time to jump with both feet in.

Lazy bones.

2009-06-15T14:34:00.007+08:00

I'm so lazy today, it's not funny.

Plus, who starts the week with a management meeting at 8:30am?

And I'm bitter that I haven't had a proper weekend in the last two weeks AND I have to work this weekend. On the upside, I finished two articles today although I think my brain is bleeding internally for that. When you don't want to write...You just DON'T.

But seeing I had better produce something today - it had to be done. Albeit kicking and screaming. Annoying colleagues did not help. There's this guy in my office who keeps saying I have too much make-up on and gives me so much hell if I as much as paint my nails over the weekend. At first, I used to brush him off because I thought he was just teasing. Now, it seems like he's insulting - no, mocking - me underhandedly. What is your freaking problem? Do I mock you on your Proboscis Monkey-like belly that grows by the day? And for the record, I can put on war-paint to work if it pleases me!

Boys are so annoying. Please go away.

And now it's past lunch time and I sincerely cannot be arsed to do any work. I'm so malas. Really. Malas. Today both the spirit and flesh are not willing so rather than producing half-baked work, I'll choose the lesser evil and blog. Let me share photos:

This is my office wall. I keep tidying it up but it's quite futile. It's got press releases, phone

numbers of people I never really call back and to-do lists that keep changing so I don't really know why I have a to-do list to start off with. See that pretty map on right? It's hand-drawn by Haw. I love how it looks like a treasure map. He's so clever. Oh and on the bottom left of my board is the Prayer of St. Michael the Archangel. I turn to him when I need to overcome temptation and in times of sickness. Yeah, the office is evil that way.

It's all about footwear. When I meet clients or

attend meetings, two inch heels do the trick. When

I drive, it's gotta be my Adidas flats so I don't

ruin my heels. But for pure comfort when nobody's looking...It's those furry brown slippers that come to the rescue. Now you know.

My table is messy. I know. But i think 'messy' gives it character, no? After all, what kind of 'creative mind' would I be if everything was organised alphabetically? I got my Fortune Cats waving at me everyday and Strepsils because my throat gets scratchy. The lighter is to light my tea candles and scented oil - because my office is always full of funky smells. And yes, every table needs a novelty Cat Pen.

Yes I am bored. And I'm lazy. One of the worst combinations on a working day. St. Michael, I fervently pray to you to give me the strength to resist the temptation to take a nap at my table right now.

It takes all kinds.

2009-06-11T09:10:00.003+08:00

I was in KL recently for the Vote Sipadan campaign where I spent three days talking to over 400 people about the same bloody thing till I was frothing.

Basically, it was a two-man show (until Carol showed up to save the day, yay!) throughout the weekend. We started at 1 Utama, followed by Sunway Pyramid and finally KLCC's Aquaria. We set up a booth from 10:00am to 8:00pm and by the final day, I was ready to vomit blood if I had to pass out another flyer smiling ear to ear while hollering "Vote for Sipadan!". All I can say is I have newfound respect for people doing booth duty at any public area because, I tell ya, you meet ALL SORTS of people. I mean, ten hours is more than ample time to encounter various species of humankind, especially in a city like KL.

Let me identify some of them for you:

1. The Ignoramus
This species is usually found residing under a rock and can be identified by their huge eyes and perpetual look of surprise. Their favourite phrase is: "What's this? What for? Hah?" And because they don't know, the come with the attitude of 'Don't care'.

2. The Missing-The-Point-Completely Clan
Even after I've explained to them six billion times the objective of the campaign, they seem to look completely past you and say the most irrelevant things. My favourites include:
a) "You all selling package ah?"
b)"Can win trip ah?"
c) "You selling t-shirt?"

3) The Scaredy-Cats
These people cringe or start to melt when approached with a flyer, as Superman would when offered kryptonite. They can be identified with their increased walking pace when passing the booth or pretending to study the "Don't let Erectile Dysfunction dampen your love life" banner on the wall with such interest when you try to approach them. I approached a middle-aged woman with a flyer and barely got a 'Good morning' out when she put her palm out, turned her head away and said, "I been to Sipadan oredi, dowan, dowan..." and scampered away. This was a unique hybrid of a Scaredy-Cat and Missing-The-Point-Completely.

4) The Whatsthecatcharoonies
On the bright side, this species will actually let you finish explaining, upon which their eyes dart left and right and they tilt their head sideways and say the classic line,"Okaaaay, what's the catch?" Even when I say, "Nothing. We just need your vote." He/she replies,"Okaaaay and then what's gonna happen?" Then I say, "Well, hopefully we get to be one of the New 7 Wonders of Nature." He/she goes, "Okaaaay but..."

"Nothing happens! We don't charge you. You don't get spam mail. You won't get bad luck for the next seven days. NOTHING. WE JUST WANT YOUR SUPPORT AND THERE IS NO CATCH."

*pause*

"Okaaaay but..."

At this point, I call security.

5) The Gatals
They don't really want to know about the campaign. They don't really care where or what Sipadan is. You could be talking about dishwashing liquid for all they care - they just want to undress you in their head and that polite smile on their face isn't polite at all. I had a middle-aged guy - in the presence of his WIFE and KIDS to top it off - suddenly stroke my beaded bracelet while I was filling in the form for him. He said, "This is pretty...Is it Sabahan made?" As I recoiled in disgust and pulled my hand away, I politely replied, "No" and ignored his attempts at small talk, which included his insistence that I looked like a singer whose name he could not recall. If I had my choice, his vote was one that I'm sure Sipadan could do without...

6) The What Do I Get Willies
I've learned that some people just cannot do things from the goodness of their heart. For them, there better be some back-scratching involved. They just cannot fathom why oh why should they give their support if they're not going to benefit from it directly. Umm, how about national pride? How about not being an ass and just give me a break because I've been sitting in this mall for the last 6 hours and all I need is your bloody vote? Some girl actually said, "Oh I'm not from Sabah..." as she walked away in her overpriced leggings and lalat sunglasses. And all I could think was, "Thank God you're not."

7) The Supportive Sams
I've saved the best for last because for every five idiots you meet, you get 1 Supportive Sam. And this is the person who will sincerely listen to you, not give you a hard time, not ask stupid questions like "Do they throw rave parties on Sipadan?" (Yes, someone asked us this) and at the end of 2 minutes at our booth, cast their vote without fuss. Some of them were scuba divers and needed little persuasion ("Sipadan is beautiful. Definitely gets my vote!") . While others did it simply as a show of support for Malaysian pride.

Anyway, it was quite the experience and I want to take the opportunity to thank all the great people who supported us during the roadshow. Even if you couldn't swing by the booth, thanks for sms-ing me your e-mail addresses which allowed us to cast an online vote on your behalf.

Ah KL. A melting pot of the Weird and the Wonderful.

"So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink,
put you to bed when you've had too much to drink...
All I wanna do is grow old with you."
-Adam Sandler, I Wanna Grow Old With You. Yep, I've been watching The Wedding Singer again.

Built to last.

2009-06-09T11:44:00.000+08:00

Cause this is real
And this is good
Warms the inside just like it should
But most of all...

Most of all, it's built to last.

The F Word

2009-06-01T21:36:00.002+08:00

It's been three days and I've stayed away from the F word.

No, not that F word. The other one - yep, Facebook.

I've made a spontaneous decision to give FB a break indefinitely. As wonderful a social tool it may seem, it is my humble opinion that it has turned many a life into a fishbowl experience. Not that I'm Angelina Jolie and everyone wants a piece of my fantastic Brad-full life, but sometimes the constant barrage of where what why when who why on FB can be suffocating.

Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for what FB has done for me, especially in terms of getting me back in touch with many missing links. On the other hand, sometimes
I find myself enslaved by FB. Admit it: how many of us start our day with logging on to the magic of FB?To the point that sometimes I feel guilty should I fail to log in within 24 hours! What if I have an e-mail? What if someone needs to ask me something important? What if I miss out on so and so's latest pix of his/her wedding, birthday party, drunken night out, trip to Batu Caves bla bla bla? What if someone sends me poker chips?

Plus, at the risk of sounding pretentious or minta puji, I currently have 367 friend requests from random people. And I don't know whether to decline or accept their requests as:
a) I have no idea who some of them are but we seem to have plenty of 'common friends'
b) I might have met them before but I can't remember so it would seem thoughtless of me to decline
c) I don't want to appear unfriendly but I REALLY don't know who you are!

And i figured something out. The people who really do need to get in touch with me KNOW how to find me. If i wanted to share something dire with those who matter, I'd also find a way to let them know. Whaddaya know, they have things called handphones, e-mails, even postcards. Or what was that thing we used to do before all this technology....Ohhhh that's right: MEET people.

So i'm just laying low in FB for a while. Besides, I know my coolest friends will find me right here at my blog, no? :-)

Whataweek.

2009-05-29T15:58:00.002+08:00

It's finally here. The Ka'amatan weekend. I am so happy, I'm doing backflips in my heart right now (because in real life I can't do a backflip. Random info, i know).

Whataweek. From office dilemmas (cancelled, not cancelled, cancelled, NOT cancelled...) to personal affairs. In a nutshell, here's what I gathered:-

1. People will appreciate you, people will take you for granted.

2. Facebook is toxic. I'm taking an indefinitely break from it. We live in a fishbowl society and I'd like to try and stay out of it.

3. There are SO MANY pretentious people in this town. I know people who wouldn't give me the time of the day UNTIL they realise I can do them a favour. I hope you choke on your silver spoon, you self-centered brats.

4. I need to start hitting the gym again. After my futsal session, I realised how out of shape I am.

5. I miss Futsal! After last night's game, I vow to hit the courts more often.

6. Recognise the toxic people in your life and keep them away. They usually come in form of exes.

7. Speaking of which, an ex recently told me to 'Let him go' as he thinks my association with him (ie: we're still friends) is causing the failure of all his potential relationships. Hellooooo...If you can't dance, don't blame the music.

8. Happiness comes in the smallest forms. From watching horror movies all night to playing a repetitive online game.

9. He rubbed my sore feet and painted my toenails. Just because he's sweet like that.

10. I am blessed. I just need to be reminded now and then.

I'm off to watch the Australian Bee Gees show tonight at Magellan - a charity concert in aid of the Palliative Care Association of Sabah. Ok, is it just me or is the whole theme of the night a little...Ironic...considering it's for people under palliative care?

It's called, "Stayin' Alive"

In my heart, I'm packing already.

2009-05-25T12:33:00.010+08:00

A wise friend called Bob once told me that one of the best ways to clear the blues is to plan a holiday. Even if it's just 'pretend' planning, heh heh.

Today is one of those days. I would sooner watch paint peel from my ceiling than do work. We call it malas. And yes, I am malas beyond belief. I need a break even if it is imaginary. So, I took Bob's advice and here's what I came up with:

Manila

Yes, I am heading to Manila this year! First of all, I miss my grandma loads, plus I haven't been back for a couple of years now. Won't disclose when exactly I'm going yet for fear of jinxing my planning. This time, I plan to stay for at least a week and besides shopping, eating and drinking my brains out, I would like to see more of Manila. The last time I went, I managed to visit Intramuros and Rizal Park. I'm thinking of doing an overnight trip to the Tagaytay highlands:

It'll be a nice drive, no?

Koh Samui
I've been 'planning' this trip for donkey years and it has yet to materialise. Predictable no? Being the beach bum I am.

But it's within my grasp now. Just a matter of WHEN - yes, after I quit my job. Watch this space.

London
I know it's not a city to shout about and yes, I know I hate the cold. But I do have some people worth visiting there :) Gonna have lots of fish and chips, enjoy a pint or two and speak the Queen's English as I drink tea and eat scones. Or something like that. Oooh and Madame Tussaud's! I'm a geek like that.

Ireland
Heck I'm already going to London, so why not swing by the neighbours? Seriously, I'm in love with the scenery here and there's something about the Irish culture I heart so much. And the sexy accent - yum. My number one place to visit in Ireland? The Cliffs of Moher.

Is that beautiful or is that beautiful? Makes me want to put on a long, flowing dress with flowers in my hair while I guling-guling on the grass.

I could spend months and months in Ireland. Just sitting on a hill, drinking wine, soaking in the scenery, visiting castle after castle and listening to a blue-eyed Catholic Irish boy talk all day (no, i don't care what he's saying as long as he has the accent).

See? I feel much better already. In the meantime, I guess I'll settle for this:

A Letter To Melissa

2009-05-14T09:20:00.004+08:00

Dear Melissa At 16,

I know life is frustrating and unsure right now but I'm here to tell you....It's gonna be that way for a while! But i'm also here to tell you, it's nothing you cannot handle. Right now, you're worried about school and which path to take from here on. You're worried about which of the girls in school like your or think you're a loser. You hate your Good Girl image but you've never been the rebellious one neither. You want to please so many people and you think the amount of trophies and medals you have are a testament to your accomplishments. Sure, it always feels good to win and be recognised. In fact, you're gonna want that for the rest of your life.

But in time, those 50 girls you know in school amount to nothing because only a handful of them will see you through. I'm here to tell you that you can't be friends with EVERYone and that's ok. You will realise you only need 5 or 6 really good friends in your life - Friends who will tell you your panty lines are showing or hold your hair back as you puke into the toilet bowl after the 5th Flaming Lambo.

And boys. Oh yes, you have no idea what to make of them right now! Boys at 16 are such puzzling creatures. But let me tell you this: They're just as puzzling at 30. You like that boy because he's cute and he's going to do so well in his SPM (yes its ok to be a geek!) and all the other girls are just as crazy about him. But when you reach 30, you'll want that man who can make you laugh, will be there when you need him for the most ridiculous of things and thinks your family is awesome. And it won't hurt if he has ambition too.

There's no such thing as a fairytale, Melissa.No knight is going to come sweeping you off your feet. If anything, they're going to knock you off your feet and plenty of times, you'll have to learn to pick yourself up again. Don't be disheartened - As many idiots there are out there, you will meet plenty of worthy ones too. You'll fall in love and it will be the best feeling in the world. You'll break some hearts and it will be the worst feeling in the world. And then there's that first broken heart and I am here to caution you: It's not going to be pretty. But you have the inner strength of 10,000 men and you just don't know how to summon it yet. Trust me when I say, there is absolutely NOTHING you cannot handle.

Don't lose sight of your ambition. It's not always going to turn out the way it should - You're not going to law school but you will continue your pursuit of writing. That will always be your true love and nothing will stop you. I'll tell you a secret: You're going to be a journalist! And it will humble you beyond words. I know right now you think you know it all and your brilliance is blinding but honey, you know nuts.

Stop judging people. It's become a bad habit especially in your formative years. But so many people in your lives are going to introduce you to a whole new world of messy break-ups, broken marriages, tragedies, hard lives and living with illness - And you will realise things are never what they seem. So stop judging people and perhaps they will stop judging you.

Your college years will be the best years of your life and you will make lasting friendships. Life gets more 'colourful' in your 20s and, ever the optimist, you'll always find a silver lining. But there will be one very dark patch and you won't be taking very good care of yourself. Melissa, the bottle doesn't solve anything. And you will wake up and realise he was not worth the abuse.

You will grow. From strength to strength. People and situations will knock you down when you least expect it but I'm telling you from where I'm standing, there's nothing you cannot overcome. But there is one thing you and I share: We'll always be fools for love. The difference is, at 30, you'll know what you're worth far more than you think at 16 - And that will help you make a more wisened decision when it comes to matters of the heart.

Melissa, you are blessed. Never forget that with the grace of God you will go places and achieve things you never imagined. And don't take the people in your life for granted, especially your family. Even at 30, you'll still be the 'baby' and you gotta work that to your advantage, haha! You'll meet friends who are just GOLDEN and you'll let go of the ones who no longer bring goodness to your life. And that's ok.

You'll turn 30 and be right where I am. And I promise you will look back and be amazed at what you are capable of. I think Melissa at 40 will have an even better story to tell.

love always,
Melissa at 30

Letdown.

2009-05-11T21:01:00.002+08:00

I spent the past couple of weeks putting together a talk for the Sabahan bloggers regarding Vote Sipadan as one of the New 7 Wonder of Nature (its all here on votesipadan.com ).

I went to Clement Lee's (one of our Director's and Sipadan expert) office to see if we could get him as a guest speaker and hooray! he agreed.

I got all the goodies sorted out to be distributed.

I didn't want them to hungry neither so I booked a light buffet spread for 40 people.

I raved to my bosses how the Bloggers are the most excellent channel for this campaign.

My boss caught on my enthusiasm and even showed up for the talk. I was nervous but excited. After all, 37 people said they were coming. More than 10 double-confirmed, which I took as a good sign.

I worked a good part of Saturday - the day of the event - to make sure I had everything in order. And then, the time finally came.

My team and I waited in anticipation. 7:00pm. Any moment now, those bloggers will come streaming in.

.....

They did.

All TWO of them.

Anyway, long story short, I have good, reliable friends who came swooping to the rescue. They called their friends etc etc and by 8:15pm, we had at least 20 people (ok, so more than 50 percent of them were my office-mates).

The night ended well, despite the poor turnout. I was, to say the least, disappointed. Why would 35 people say, "Yes, we'll be there!" and then do the opposite? I am trying my best to give everyone the benefit of a doubt but at the end of the day, I was completely letdown.

It's not fair to pigeon-hole the WHOLE blogging community (because I AM grateful for the few who did show up despite the last minute invite) but I can't say much about the rest, can I? And yes, I know not everyone knew about the talk - so no, I am not referring to those who had no idea what was going on.

But shame on you for RSVP-ing and turning your backs. I've lost my faith and I feel completely humiliated after all the hard work my team and I put in.

On a less bitter note, a big shout-out to Yo, Mia, Jeremy and Melvin H. for roping in whoever they could at the last moment. I can't say thank you enough.

Falling off the planet.

2009-05-01T12:40:00.002+08:00

Yes, I haven't been blogging. Wow, how did you notice?

How the winds do shake the darling buds of May... or something like that. It's May already. ALREADY. Where the hell the weeks go? Oh that's right - I've been caught up in my world of "This-is-due-tomorrow" that time has become oh-so fleeting. It's a good thing and it's a bad thing. GOOD because I don't have time to dwell on things that might bring me down (ie: i really should lose 7 kilos...He really is such an asshole...I don't have enough money to travel...). BAD because I've become a social recluse. Kudos to you who have not given up on calling me out for a drink eventhough you probably know i'm going to be an ass and say, "I can't promise you, I'm a bit busy/sick/busy." I DO appreciate your calls and smses and I will totally understand if one day you wake up and go, "Melissa who?"

But for now, I am honest when I say I don't have the luxury of hanging out after work or on weekends as much as I'd like to. My day is filled to the brim with annoying demands as it is and sometimes by the time it's time to clock out of work, I just want to melt into the sofa and zone out. Sometimes it annoys the crap out of me when I go out for lunch with colleagues (disclaimer: I love them so this is not me bitching about them ok) but the topic of WORK never escape the table. Like wtf. Can we go 60 minutes NOT talking about Sabah Fest, press conferences, article deadlines, management meetings or how incompetent some people in the office are???

Which is why most days, I sit in the office with my sandwich during lunchtime, watching The Big Bang Theory on my computer and for just one BLESSED hour, I hope to God I can have some me-time.

But of course, that's too much to ask because that's when the phone will conveniently start ringing and someone on the other line going, "Hi, is this bad time? Lunch? Oh ok, I was just wondering if you could...."

But of courrrrrse I cannnnn....It's my pleasurrrre....

*sigh*

Yes, I've fallen off the planet. And as I glance at my calendar filled with to-dos and deadlines, I'm afraid I won't be climbing back on for a while. In the meantime, have a drink for me will ya?

TV and me.

2009-04-14T22:35:00.007+08:00

It's 10:30pm. I'm chewing on cold Chicken McNuggets, watching some guy being mauled by a shark on the Discovery channel and my cat is asleep beside me.

You have no idea what a slice of heaven this moment is for me.

The phone isn't ringing. No voices yapping away. No meetings. No demanding e-mails. And no boss shouting, "You should know better!" 500 times.

I'm not fishing for sympathy here. Everyone gets busy. All I REALLY want is for the world to leave me alone. At least until May is over.

In the meantime, when I DO have some 'me' time, I like to be one with the couch and exercise my channel surfing skills. Let me take you to my world:True Blood on HBO. I could not believe they actually made a series out of this! I picked up this book (actually it's a whole set) 2 or 3 years ago and was hooked. I loved the characters and the whole idea of a mind-reading waitress who falls in love with a vampire.

I'm not sure if Anna Paquin would've been my first choice to play Sookie Stackhouse but so far so good.
Here she is with the vampiric love interest,Bill Compton. I don't know the actor's name, sorry.I'm going to read the series all over again.

And...you know how sometimes you have an inexplicable fascination with Britney Spears, The Cheeky Girls (remember them?) and that annoying Frog Song? Here's my current inexplicable fascination:
Yes, I am hooked on 90210. I have to tune in every week to find out what happens in sunny 'ol Beverly Hills. See, Annie Wilson and her family moved to Beverly Hills and now her adopted African-American brother Dixon, is dating Silver - the sassy, sarcastic and smart chick who also has a bipolar disorder. She can't stand Naomi - the classic super-rich, stuck-up snob from a broken family - who has a roller-coaster friendship with the druggie-turned-pregnant but extremely-talented-thespian Adrianna.

Kapeesh?

This is next on my list:
Naturally.

Inhale. Exhale.

2009-04-03T21:23:00.004+08:00

Inhale.

It's been a rough week.

My car is still in the workshop. And it's setting me back RM1,ooo.

Everytime I finish one task, another five lands on my table. And they were all due yesterday.

My phone doesn't stop ringing. And everyone needs something NOW.

My e-mails keep coming in. And everything is marked URGENT.

I have bosses who keep saying, "It's all about time management." But they're not the ones spending Saturdays and Sundays in the office.

There are only 24 hours in a day and I need at least 35.

I have no time to hit the gym. Gee, I wonder why.

It's 9:30pm on a Friday night. And I'm off to bed.

Exhale.

Got it? Got it.

2009-03-27T11:47:00.002+08:00

I turn 30 this year.

And I was thinking, it's getting tiring. The chase, the search, the starting over again. My 30 years of existence have come up to this and if I don't do something about it, no one else will. It's so easy for us to blame chance and circumstance - in every aspect of our life. Especially relationships.

Which is why today, as I was applying my eyeliner and taking a good look in the mirror at my unsmiling face, it struck me that enough is enough. I can't do this dance in relationships anymore. I don't care what people say about how great it is to be single and to have a smorgasboard of men laid before you for your taking. "Imagine the freedom!"

Well, ok. But all that is fine when you're 20 and still sorting things out. I've sorted. I'M sorted. I don't want the smorgasboard anymore - I want to look at the a la carte menu and pick out ONE main meal. No appetisers, no desserts. Just one good, fat, juice steak to fulfill my gastronomical demands.

I've had my share. And quite frankly, i'm done with that. I've had relationships that weren't good enough for me, and relationships that weren't good enough for him. Either way, there was never a pleasant end. Someone would get hurt. I don't know about you but there's only so much emotional rape I can go through or put someone else through.

So as I turn 30, I'm making a choice to stop this mindless tango. I cannot - I refuse - to do it anymore. This year, as someone wisely told me, is mine. I know what's good for me and I'm not going to waste anymore time looking for 'What ifs' and 'Let-me-tries'.

Best part is, I don't even have to look any further.

It all started with the Big Bang...

2009-03-25T20:44:00.002+08:00

Let me introduce you to my current obsession. I watched 2 episodes during my trip to Langkawi with Dillon, who thought this would be something right up my alley. He was right. I've been hooked since and, as fate would have it, I came across the Season 1 DVD set a month ago and bought it. Right now, I'm in the midst of downloading (hooray BitTorrent!) Season2. I don't know why this hasn't made it to Astro yet but when it does, I'm gonna watch it all over again. Yes, I'm a geek like that.

What's it about:
Geeks. No, really. It's about these two nerdy, physicists friends who live next door to the Hot Blonde (Kaley Cuoco - yep she's from 8 Simple Rules) . They also have two more geeky friends who visit a lot. I love the over-the-top scientific babble which escapes me half the time. It's the delivery that really gets to me. Jim Parsons, who plays the annoying yet can't-get-enough-of-him Sheldon, is fantastic and who would've thought Johnny Galecki would outgrow his teen hearthrob persona and blossom into a...Geek. Clearly one of the most underrated shows out there today.

Here's one of my favourite scenes:

Love. it.

Six.

2009-03-19T22:14:00.003+08:00

I visited Joyce's blog and saw this:

Go to your photos folder in your computer. Go to the 6th folder of photos. Go to the 6th picture in that folder. Put the picture on your blog and a description of it. Invite six friends to join the challenge. Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.

And here's what I found:
I spent New Year's Eve working and I didn't mind it one bit. This was just after the countdown and I went outside to wish my friends. Looking at this photo, you couldn't tell that I was going through a pretty bad patch in my life and everyday was a struggle. I had never felt so low in my life but work, friends and family kept me going. I feel kinda sad when I see this photo because I'm reminded of that dark time. But I also feel blessed because with the grace of God, I pulled through and it's as if a dark veil is slowly -but surely- being lifted. I laugh more, I smile more, I believe more. And I realise what I'm worth.

Never again. It's thumbs up all the way from here.

*Tag? I'm letting anyone do this as they wish, but I am curious to see what Jeremy, Yo, Shan, Gallivanter and Maps would come up with :)